The state of my mental health...

[Chatterwockin]

I havent said these things out loud before, so i am just going to write down exactly what is going on, and if anyone knows why i am like this, i would love to hear, just so i know i am not alone.

Here goes, most days i feel empty, like i am blank, i also think of the world without me, and my only conclusion is that everyone would be much happier. I don't seem to matter to anyone, not really if they admitted it. My friends don't bother, my dad honestly wouldn't care if i fell off the world tomorrow, and i feel like i have always just made my mother annoyed and let down, never good enough for her. And now she doesn't really like me either.

I feel like i am a miserable angry horrible woman, and this is not how i ever thought i would be. I am a rubbish mother who doesn't have the patience for my eldest who has Autism, i feel constantly cross and like i have failed him, and made him the way he is.

I don't feel my husband loves me, we just seem to exist together.

I have constant "bursts" i call them, i will just out of nowhere feel i want to scream, so loud that my throat bleeds, i feel like it would make me feel better to hit my head on something, a wall or object or scratch my face with my nails, other times these "bursts" will be that i want to laugh or my whole body feel so euphoric it almost shakes.

I dont know what i am doing here i just wanted to put this all down, read it back and see if i am really as barmy a cow as i think, ad i reckon its a yes to that....

 

[cln1812]

Do you have a therapist or doctor you could talk to? You're right; it's not normal to feel this way all the time. I hope you can get some help.

 

[JCh]

It sounds like you're describing depression, which anger can be part of.
I'd suggest finding some resources, talk to your doctor - you may have a chemical imbalance in your brain. There are medications that can help and seeking a cousellor/ therapist would be a good idea. Good luck.

 

[FiNZ]

Aww, big hugs to you. I'm so sorry you feel this way, but I think it's a positive thing that you have at least been able to write down how you feel, because it does paint a pretty clear picture, which will be very useful and helpful to whoever you go to to seek treatment from. It seems to me that you are most probably suffering from depression, and I think you really need to go and talk to your GP as a starting point. You can get help for these feelings. It's not good that you're feeling as though you are a rubbish mum and as though nobody would care if you weren't here. I bet that is definitely not the case.

Please seek help. You deserve it. xxxxx

I am sure that you are

 

[Chatterwockin]

Hello and thank you all for getting back to me, i seem to have come through a darkness, i went to see my doctor who prescribed me some tablets to relieve migraines that i have been suffering with, and i feel like a different person. I feel embarrassed reading what i posted, i really meant it at the time, perhaps it was down to the migraines i have been suffering from?

Thank you all, i will keep you posted about how i am getting on xxxx

 

[JCh]

I've heard of migraines causing some mental disturbances, glad to hear you've discussed with your doc and have something to help.
Glad you're in a better place, let's hope this does the trick

 

[Chatterwockin]

Thanks i don't think i realised how much my head hurt ( constantly that is) until i took the tabs and it cleared... If that makes sense, i had forgotten how "normal" felt almost.....

Still feeling great, no snapping, no mood all smiles in my home.

 

[Pandora11]

Bipolar??