Chilly Willy
Back on the ttc train!
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It has taken me nearly 3 months to get my finger out and write my birth story in full 
. I dont know if that is indicative of the experience or not but I thought it was time to commit it to paper one way or the other! It helped that I was nagged by a few bnb'ers too! May ye all have naggy babies as a result 
So the story is long and probably deadly boring to most
so I apologise in advance - unless you were a nagger in which case you have to read to the end no matter what coz there'll be a quiz!
In the week (8 days) leading up to Devin's birth I experienced a lot of pain - most of which was across the top of my bump and aside from being painful and sensitive to touch, had me feeling quite gassy. The pain was constant - there was no breaks in it etc so I knew - in my otherwise clueless state - that it wasn't contractions. It generally subsided during the day but disturbed me a lot at night and hung around for a few hours in the morning. For the first couple of days - given that I was full term and that it was my first wee bub, I assumed this was normal and hopefully the start of labour pains, but as the pain got worse I got increasingly frustrated that it seemed to be going nowhere in terms of contractions, waters breaking, show etc.
Four days before the birth (I am writing this to the tune of The Final Countdown - din ni ni nihhh, din ni ni ni nihhhhh...) I saw my consultant and told her about the pain expressing that I was really struggling at this point and wondering if everything was alright. She checked my blood pressure which was normal and there was no protein in my urine. Maybe she asked about headaches, dizziness and blurred vision but I have no recollection of that and didnt have those issues anyway. I guess that matters for later in my loooong tale of woe!! So anyway, she said that the pain could be the start of the uterus contracting or my bowel/stomach under pressure for space etc. That was it anyway. Off I went home to suffer on!!
Two nights before, I was awake most of the night with severe pain but persevered through it. I was really wondering at this stage if something was wrong because it was bad and it was still going nowhere. I was even thinking that maybe this WAS my labour even though I knew it wasn't what other people experienced. It would have meant that my cervix was up near my boobs but heh...I was open to anything at that stage!!! I slept quite a bit over the next day.
The night before Devin was born I slept for a couple of hours when I first went to bed but then woke up with what can only be described as excruciating pain. I got out of bed convinced that this was 'it' and went down to the couch to leave OH to sleep until I needed him to take me to hospital. This was at about 2am. By 5am I was sobbing with pain and rang the hospital for advice on coming in - knowing that I still wasnt having contractions! The midwife, while pleasant, was completely dismissive. She told me not to come in because it was a Saturday clinic which meant it was for emergency patients only and I would probably not be seen. She said to wait til that evening and if I was still in that much pain I could go in 'if I wanted to'. She suggested I drink some peppermint water - I bit the head off er at this point and told her I had been vommitting multiple times a day for the previous 7 and a half months with wicked heartburn for dessert so I knew what that little remedy was supposed to do for me and wasn't going to work for me then!!! I still think of writing a complaint letter about her - whoever she was!!!
So a few hours later I woke my OH up sobbing with the pain and really quite worried about what I was feeling. He massaged me like he had been taught to do in the late stages of my pregnancy and literally held my bump up for me to give me some relief. All of this helped a bit while he was doing it but didn't last very long. So then he ran me a bath which helped a lot to the point where I actually fell asleep in it until he woke me up because we had to go to a funeral, or more aptly as it turned out, half a funeral, because the other half was spent outside a church doubled over in pain and being ill!
After the funeral we were making our way home but my OH decided to swing past my GPs practice because he was very disturbed by how I was feeling and really wanted a second opinion. Luckily she was there and she took one look at me and her waiting room full of people and announced 'this woman is overdue her baby and really needs to be seen immediately' and whisked me in to be examined. She took my blood pressure which was quite high and checked my urine for protein. of which there was a small amount. She said she'd write me a referral letter which would mean they would have to see me on arrival in the hospital and suggested that even if all they did was give some pain relief at least it would be better than nothing and she'd be happier because she wasn't prepared to take responsibility for me at that point. We went home and I made a sandwich thinking that we'd have along wait ahead of us. While I was eating my sandwich I was arguing with Ed about not going in because the pain had started to ease again. I even suggested we wait until after the 6 Nations rugby match was over coz I really didn't relish going into the hospital to be told there was nothing wrong with me and get sent straight back home again having wastes everyone's time but my OH wasn't happy with that and packed us up as I was puking in the toilet....AGAIN ...but miraculously for the last time (in 2 months and counting! So off we went!
So we get to the hospital waving our 'see me now ' letter and luckily the Ireland v Itay 6 Nations rugby match was being shown in the waiting room so we were all happy!!! I was brought in to a room within about half an hour. A trace was run on the baby's heart and thankfully all was well so I didn't really care after that! It still amazes me how your priorities change without you really even knowing it. My blood pressure was also checked which was normal and there were only traces of protein in my urine. So I thought we'd be back home in no time and that the best I could hope for was painkillers to get me through the night. So the midwife said 'everything seems to be fine but I suppose the doctor MIGHT ask for blood tests so I guess maybe we'll take some and send them off for a quick check.' This she did and she left the baby trace running. Based on her attitude we were totally relaxed. About a half hour later she arrived back into the room and said the doc would be with me in a few minutes. She took my blood pressure again and very casually said 'some of your blood results are back and are slightly skewed' so we'll just wait for the rest and then have a chat about that when the doc comes in! She was so calm we thought NOTHING of it. About another 5 mins later in comes the 1st doc of the day, smiles and says 'Ahhh here's the girl that has us all worrying'. DING DING DING DING DING SAY WHAT???????????. She did another few checks and spent quite some time checking reflexes etc.Things start blurring here coz it all started happening so fast. The doctor said 'We've paged Dr. S (consultant) and had a chat with her. She is on her way in as we speak so she'll make the final decision on how to proceed'. I asked did they mean that I could be induced and they said it was hard to know but it was possible or she might decide to do a section. WTF??? A section? When did that become an option? They asked when I had last eaten. Well that depends on whether it counted if I threw up straight after so the answer was either about 2 hours ago OR about 8 months ago!!! I was then taken for an ultrasound to check all was well with babs and it still was. Then within another few minutes I was told that I was being taken upstairs because the baby had to come out. I still hadn't seen Dr. S at this point so this was a complete shock. Ed was sent out to the car to get my bag and was told to come back to the same place and he'd be brought up to me. The same midwife that had been with me since the start came up with me and sat with me for a few mins telling me it would be fine. I was starting to panic now because I really had no idea of what was wrong. She was explaining that my platelet levels had dropped very low and when I asked what does that mean she was really very vague and said it just meant that it was better for the baby to come out and not to be worrying. She said the person she worried about was the one wandering around the supermarket with no knowledge that something was wrong. She was the one in danger not me because I was in the right place! Hmmmm.
Within another 5 minutes I was brought into a room with a bed in it and people started coming and going - taking more blood to test again and at that point DR. S finally showed up. Her first words to me were 'Hello - Wow this has all happened very suddenly hasn't it?' I said...'eh - I told you about the pain I was in 4 days ago so it's not all that sudden'. She said somethinguber dismissive like 'No no - this has only just hit you today'. I was thinking 'I don't bloody think so lady' but given how vulnerable I was feeling and the fact that she may be about to slice me open I wasn't in a position to argue. I asked her to explain what was going on and she said 'THe baby is fine but it's you we are worried about' and she explained that because my platelet levels and clotting factors had dropped so low that I was at serious risk of haemoraging. It is a condition known as HELLP syndrome. She said it was very serious and that there were no choices available - the only cure was for the baby to come out. I asked if Ed could stay with me and she said that there wasn't an anaesithist (sp??) in the land that would give me anything but a general anaesthetic for my condition and so Ed would have to wait outside. I asked could the baby be given straght to him and was told this would happen. She said the worst thing I could do was to panic and let my blood pressure goup so I had to stay calm. Yeah right! Off she went to 'scrub in' a la Grey's Anatomy. From then on people started coming in and out getting me ready. More blood was taken and canulars were put in. Ed had to take the nail varnish off my toes ?? - something to do with checking oxygen levels in my blood during surgery and he was given those elastic stockings to put on me and of course the lovely hospital gowns! The people that were coming in and out had obviously been told to keep me calm because it was like something out of a bad comedy sketch - they'd give me big beaming smiles as they walked throught the door and then when they closed the door behind them I could here them shouting at each other (things like -' Is that theatre ready yet' and 'she's in there' etc.) I literally heard the girl who took blood running up the corridor! So 'scuse me for not staying calm but holy crap I was TERRIFIED!!! At some point an anaesithist came in and started quizzing me about when I'd eaten again etc and then made some comment about an epidural. Well it doesn't instill confidence when you have to tell your anaesithist that he's not planning the right procedure for you and that you're supposed to be getting a general anaesthetic!
In my terrified state I kinda lost the concept of time at this stage but I think it woud have been within another 5 minutes I was walked around to the theatre and we were told to take a seat in a small area just outside. That was the first time we were left alone and I just remember thinking that I had to say everything I had to say to him because there was a chance that I coukd actually die. I started telling him hownmuch I love him and to make sure that our lil Lob knew how much I wanted him/her and loved him/her. ED was telling me to stop and stay calm etc but by now I was just sobbing and completely overwhelmed!
So then I was brought into the theatre, got onto the bed etc and the next thing was they spread my arms out wide and started strapping me down - WTF?? It was horrible. Talk about feeling vulnerable! There were so many people - about 4 doctors and three nurses. One doc was the head of surgery so that was reassuring! They spent ages getting a central line in so that they were ready to give me a blood transfusion if necessary - THAT hurt. All this malarky went on for about 10 minutes during which time my eyes were GLUED to the clock - more as a means of focus than actually watchin time! I also used my breathing techniques that I has been preparing for labour....not the fast pushing ones - that would just be weird ... but the long ones!! I had the nicest nurse standing behind me during this too and he just kept rubbling my hair and telling me I was doing great....as he wiped my tears!!
Once the clock turned 7.05pm Dr S came in all scrubbed up. She leaned over me and said 'Right we're all et - Now i've spoken to Ed and he knows EXACTLY what's going on' - Well that sent my mind racing coz I was immediately thinkin - omg what did she say to him that she hadn't already said to both of us together? Then the mask was put over my face and I was told to breathe and the last thing I remember before going under was thinking - maybe she told him I might not wake up!...
....And then I woke up!! Well, apparently so! I was wheeled out past Ed on the way to intensive care and apparently he spoke to me and showed me Devin (who was handed to him at about 7.20pm) and told me he was a boy! But sadly, I have no memory of the first time I saw my little boy. I was taken to intensive care for the night and was given a magnesium infusion. My first real memory of seeing Devin was when I was woken up a couple of hours later and seeing Ed appearing wheeling him over to me in his lil cot. Ed had a big beaming smile on his face. The nurse asked me what formula we wanted to feed him. I said I wanted to breast feed and she said that while i was on the magnesium I wouldnt be able to feed him myself - Cue tears AGAIN. I pleaded to be allowed to just get im on the boob for a minute so that he'd know that this was what was supposed to happen!!! I'm sure my advanced son really worked that one out but all I could think of was how important those first few hours are supposed to be in feeding/bonding etc. So I was let for a couple of mins! Just to keep me calm more than anything Id say! I fell back asleep then and sometime around 1 am Ed came back in with him. He was being sent home and was coming to say goodnight. Devin wasnt allowed stay with me and was brought to the nursery
cry
for the night.
I was in and out of conciousness then all night! For some reason I wasnt allowed to have much water and I was DYING of thirst!!! I would nearly have sold Devin for a full glass of water it was so bad!!! THe nurse (the same lovely guy tht had been in the theatre) was giving me about 5mls of water at a time and telling me to 'sip it' - It only constituted one sip!!! So at about 6am the surgery head doc came to see me and decided to take me off the magnesium early (was originally meant to be for 12 hours) and then I was allowed a full glass of water at which time I told the nurse I loved him and then all I needed was my lil boy! So he was brought into me and we had a lil cuddle. I think he was left with me from then on. Ed came back in to the hospital at about 8am I think and sometime around 11 I was moved to a very noisy ward for one night. I drifted in and out of sleep til I woke up properly and had a shower at about 7pm - 24 hours later. Apparently Ed was biting his tongue every time I woke up because I kept asking him the same question over and over!!! I haven't found out what the question was actually! Must ask that! Next morning I was finally given my own room which felt like heaven at that point and that's pretty much the end of that! I can't complain about the actual caesarean itself because I had very little pain after the first 4 days had passed and my scar is very discreet. I'd nearly go so far as to say I am a fan of caesarean sections! Is that just weird??
I totally bonded with Devin immediately and I adore him but I feel totally robbed of those first few hours - ie experiencing his birth, seeing his lil face straight away, having him latch on immediately, seeing my OHs reaction to his arrival etc etc etc. My OH and BF have been telling me I need to get over it and just focus on the fact that we/docs had no choice but to do what they did and I should focus on the fact that I am lucky enough to be here to enjoy him and to appreciate how well we are all doing with breast feeding sleep etc etc but up to bout 3 weeks ago I cried nearly every time I thought of what I missed. I'm much better on that score now but still have issues with why my doctor never picked up on the problem when I was with her that Wednesday. I guess if we are lucky enough to have another baba I will hopefully get to experience the birth of my newborn properly!!
You can wake up now!!!
. I dont know if that is indicative of the experience or not but I thought it was time to commit it to paper one way or the other! It helped that I was nagged by a few bnb'ers too! May ye all have naggy babies as a result So the story is long and probably deadly boring to most
so I apologise in advance - unless you were a nagger in which case you have to read to the end no matter what coz there'll be a quiz! In the week (8 days) leading up to Devin's birth I experienced a lot of pain - most of which was across the top of my bump and aside from being painful and sensitive to touch, had me feeling quite gassy. The pain was constant - there was no breaks in it etc so I knew - in my otherwise clueless state - that it wasn't contractions. It generally subsided during the day but disturbed me a lot at night and hung around for a few hours in the morning. For the first couple of days - given that I was full term and that it was my first wee bub, I assumed this was normal and hopefully the start of labour pains, but as the pain got worse I got increasingly frustrated that it seemed to be going nowhere in terms of contractions, waters breaking, show etc.
Four days before the birth (I am writing this to the tune of The Final Countdown - din ni ni nihhh, din ni ni ni nihhhhh...) I saw my consultant and told her about the pain expressing that I was really struggling at this point and wondering if everything was alright. She checked my blood pressure which was normal and there was no protein in my urine. Maybe she asked about headaches, dizziness and blurred vision but I have no recollection of that and didnt have those issues anyway. I guess that matters for later in my loooong tale of woe!! So anyway, she said that the pain could be the start of the uterus contracting or my bowel/stomach under pressure for space etc. That was it anyway. Off I went home to suffer on!!
Two nights before, I was awake most of the night with severe pain but persevered through it. I was really wondering at this stage if something was wrong because it was bad and it was still going nowhere. I was even thinking that maybe this WAS my labour even though I knew it wasn't what other people experienced. It would have meant that my cervix was up near my boobs but heh...I was open to anything at that stage!!! I slept quite a bit over the next day.
The night before Devin was born I slept for a couple of hours when I first went to bed but then woke up with what can only be described as excruciating pain. I got out of bed convinced that this was 'it' and went down to the couch to leave OH to sleep until I needed him to take me to hospital. This was at about 2am. By 5am I was sobbing with pain and rang the hospital for advice on coming in - knowing that I still wasnt having contractions! The midwife, while pleasant, was completely dismissive. She told me not to come in because it was a Saturday clinic which meant it was for emergency patients only and I would probably not be seen. She said to wait til that evening and if I was still in that much pain I could go in 'if I wanted to'. She suggested I drink some peppermint water - I bit the head off er at this point and told her I had been vommitting multiple times a day for the previous 7 and a half months with wicked heartburn for dessert so I knew what that little remedy was supposed to do for me and wasn't going to work for me then!!! I still think of writing a complaint letter about her - whoever she was!!!
So a few hours later I woke my OH up sobbing with the pain and really quite worried about what I was feeling. He massaged me like he had been taught to do in the late stages of my pregnancy and literally held my bump up for me to give me some relief. All of this helped a bit while he was doing it but didn't last very long. So then he ran me a bath which helped a lot to the point where I actually fell asleep in it until he woke me up because we had to go to a funeral, or more aptly as it turned out, half a funeral, because the other half was spent outside a church doubled over in pain and being ill!
After the funeral we were making our way home but my OH decided to swing past my GPs practice because he was very disturbed by how I was feeling and really wanted a second opinion. Luckily she was there and she took one look at me and her waiting room full of people and announced 'this woman is overdue her baby and really needs to be seen immediately' and whisked me in to be examined. She took my blood pressure which was quite high and checked my urine for protein. of which there was a small amount. She said she'd write me a referral letter which would mean they would have to see me on arrival in the hospital and suggested that even if all they did was give some pain relief at least it would be better than nothing and she'd be happier because she wasn't prepared to take responsibility for me at that point. We went home and I made a sandwich thinking that we'd have along wait ahead of us. While I was eating my sandwich I was arguing with Ed about not going in because the pain had started to ease again. I even suggested we wait until after the 6 Nations rugby match was over coz I really didn't relish going into the hospital to be told there was nothing wrong with me and get sent straight back home again having wastes everyone's time but my OH wasn't happy with that and packed us up as I was puking in the toilet....AGAIN ...but miraculously for the last time (in 2 months and counting! So off we went!
So we get to the hospital waving our 'see me now ' letter and luckily the Ireland v Itay 6 Nations rugby match was being shown in the waiting room so we were all happy!!! I was brought in to a room within about half an hour. A trace was run on the baby's heart and thankfully all was well so I didn't really care after that! It still amazes me how your priorities change without you really even knowing it. My blood pressure was also checked which was normal and there were only traces of protein in my urine. So I thought we'd be back home in no time and that the best I could hope for was painkillers to get me through the night. So the midwife said 'everything seems to be fine but I suppose the doctor MIGHT ask for blood tests so I guess maybe we'll take some and send them off for a quick check.' This she did and she left the baby trace running. Based on her attitude we were totally relaxed. About a half hour later she arrived back into the room and said the doc would be with me in a few minutes. She took my blood pressure again and very casually said 'some of your blood results are back and are slightly skewed' so we'll just wait for the rest and then have a chat about that when the doc comes in! She was so calm we thought NOTHING of it. About another 5 mins later in comes the 1st doc of the day, smiles and says 'Ahhh here's the girl that has us all worrying'. DING DING DING DING DING SAY WHAT???????????. She did another few checks and spent quite some time checking reflexes etc.Things start blurring here coz it all started happening so fast. The doctor said 'We've paged Dr. S (consultant) and had a chat with her. She is on her way in as we speak so she'll make the final decision on how to proceed'. I asked did they mean that I could be induced and they said it was hard to know but it was possible or she might decide to do a section. WTF??? A section? When did that become an option? They asked when I had last eaten. Well that depends on whether it counted if I threw up straight after so the answer was either about 2 hours ago OR about 8 months ago!!! I was then taken for an ultrasound to check all was well with babs and it still was. Then within another few minutes I was told that I was being taken upstairs because the baby had to come out. I still hadn't seen Dr. S at this point so this was a complete shock. Ed was sent out to the car to get my bag and was told to come back to the same place and he'd be brought up to me. The same midwife that had been with me since the start came up with me and sat with me for a few mins telling me it would be fine. I was starting to panic now because I really had no idea of what was wrong. She was explaining that my platelet levels had dropped very low and when I asked what does that mean she was really very vague and said it just meant that it was better for the baby to come out and not to be worrying. She said the person she worried about was the one wandering around the supermarket with no knowledge that something was wrong. She was the one in danger not me because I was in the right place! Hmmmm.
Within another 5 minutes I was brought into a room with a bed in it and people started coming and going - taking more blood to test again and at that point DR. S finally showed up. Her first words to me were 'Hello - Wow this has all happened very suddenly hasn't it?' I said...'eh - I told you about the pain I was in 4 days ago so it's not all that sudden'. She said somethinguber dismissive like 'No no - this has only just hit you today'. I was thinking 'I don't bloody think so lady' but given how vulnerable I was feeling and the fact that she may be about to slice me open I wasn't in a position to argue. I asked her to explain what was going on and she said 'THe baby is fine but it's you we are worried about' and she explained that because my platelet levels and clotting factors had dropped so low that I was at serious risk of haemoraging. It is a condition known as HELLP syndrome. She said it was very serious and that there were no choices available - the only cure was for the baby to come out. I asked if Ed could stay with me and she said that there wasn't an anaesithist (sp??) in the land that would give me anything but a general anaesthetic for my condition and so Ed would have to wait outside. I asked could the baby be given straght to him and was told this would happen. She said the worst thing I could do was to panic and let my blood pressure goup so I had to stay calm. Yeah right! Off she went to 'scrub in' a la Grey's Anatomy. From then on people started coming in and out getting me ready. More blood was taken and canulars were put in. Ed had to take the nail varnish off my toes ?? - something to do with checking oxygen levels in my blood during surgery and he was given those elastic stockings to put on me and of course the lovely hospital gowns! The people that were coming in and out had obviously been told to keep me calm because it was like something out of a bad comedy sketch - they'd give me big beaming smiles as they walked throught the door and then when they closed the door behind them I could here them shouting at each other (things like -' Is that theatre ready yet' and 'she's in there' etc.) I literally heard the girl who took blood running up the corridor! So 'scuse me for not staying calm but holy crap I was TERRIFIED!!! At some point an anaesithist came in and started quizzing me about when I'd eaten again etc and then made some comment about an epidural. Well it doesn't instill confidence when you have to tell your anaesithist that he's not planning the right procedure for you and that you're supposed to be getting a general anaesthetic!
In my terrified state I kinda lost the concept of time at this stage but I think it woud have been within another 5 minutes I was walked around to the theatre and we were told to take a seat in a small area just outside. That was the first time we were left alone and I just remember thinking that I had to say everything I had to say to him because there was a chance that I coukd actually die. I started telling him hownmuch I love him and to make sure that our lil Lob knew how much I wanted him/her and loved him/her. ED was telling me to stop and stay calm etc but by now I was just sobbing and completely overwhelmed!
So then I was brought into the theatre, got onto the bed etc and the next thing was they spread my arms out wide and started strapping me down - WTF?? It was horrible. Talk about feeling vulnerable! There were so many people - about 4 doctors and three nurses. One doc was the head of surgery so that was reassuring! They spent ages getting a central line in so that they were ready to give me a blood transfusion if necessary - THAT hurt. All this malarky went on for about 10 minutes during which time my eyes were GLUED to the clock - more as a means of focus than actually watchin time! I also used my breathing techniques that I has been preparing for labour....not the fast pushing ones - that would just be weird ... but the long ones!! I had the nicest nurse standing behind me during this too and he just kept rubbling my hair and telling me I was doing great....as he wiped my tears!!
Once the clock turned 7.05pm Dr S came in all scrubbed up. She leaned over me and said 'Right we're all et - Now i've spoken to Ed and he knows EXACTLY what's going on' - Well that sent my mind racing coz I was immediately thinkin - omg what did she say to him that she hadn't already said to both of us together? Then the mask was put over my face and I was told to breathe and the last thing I remember before going under was thinking - maybe she told him I might not wake up!...
....And then I woke up!! Well, apparently so! I was wheeled out past Ed on the way to intensive care and apparently he spoke to me and showed me Devin (who was handed to him at about 7.20pm) and told me he was a boy! But sadly, I have no memory of the first time I saw my little boy. I was taken to intensive care for the night and was given a magnesium infusion. My first real memory of seeing Devin was when I was woken up a couple of hours later and seeing Ed appearing wheeling him over to me in his lil cot. Ed had a big beaming smile on his face. The nurse asked me what formula we wanted to feed him. I said I wanted to breast feed and she said that while i was on the magnesium I wouldnt be able to feed him myself - Cue tears AGAIN. I pleaded to be allowed to just get im on the boob for a minute so that he'd know that this was what was supposed to happen!!! I'm sure my advanced son really worked that one out but all I could think of was how important those first few hours are supposed to be in feeding/bonding etc. So I was let for a couple of mins! Just to keep me calm more than anything Id say! I fell back asleep then and sometime around 1 am Ed came back in with him. He was being sent home and was coming to say goodnight. Devin wasnt allowed stay with me and was brought to the nursery
cry for the night. I was in and out of conciousness then all night! For some reason I wasnt allowed to have much water and I was DYING of thirst!!! I would nearly have sold Devin for a full glass of water it was so bad!!! THe nurse (the same lovely guy tht had been in the theatre) was giving me about 5mls of water at a time and telling me to 'sip it' - It only constituted one sip!!! So at about 6am the surgery head doc came to see me and decided to take me off the magnesium early (was originally meant to be for 12 hours) and then I was allowed a full glass of water at which time I told the nurse I loved him and then all I needed was my lil boy! So he was brought into me and we had a lil cuddle. I think he was left with me from then on. Ed came back in to the hospital at about 8am I think and sometime around 11 I was moved to a very noisy ward for one night. I drifted in and out of sleep til I woke up properly and had a shower at about 7pm - 24 hours later. Apparently Ed was biting his tongue every time I woke up because I kept asking him the same question over and over!!! I haven't found out what the question was actually! Must ask that! Next morning I was finally given my own room which felt like heaven at that point and that's pretty much the end of that! I can't complain about the actual caesarean itself because I had very little pain after the first 4 days had passed and my scar is very discreet. I'd nearly go so far as to say I am a fan of caesarean sections! Is that just weird??
I totally bonded with Devin immediately and I adore him but I feel totally robbed of those first few hours - ie experiencing his birth, seeing his lil face straight away, having him latch on immediately, seeing my OHs reaction to his arrival etc etc etc. My OH and BF have been telling me I need to get over it and just focus on the fact that we/docs had no choice but to do what they did and I should focus on the fact that I am lucky enough to be here to enjoy him and to appreciate how well we are all doing with breast feeding sleep etc etc but up to bout 3 weeks ago I cried nearly every time I thought of what I missed. I'm much better on that score now but still have issues with why my doctor never picked up on the problem when I was with her that Wednesday. I guess if we are lucky enough to have another baba I will hopefully get to experience the birth of my newborn properly!!
You can wake up now!!!
) watching out for you and little man!
He's gorgeous. 
