Thinking of giving up

[MrsF]

Hi ladies,

BFN today on first round of clomid, feeling really down as i was convinced this was it. I rang the hosp to get my day 21 progesterone tests to see if i had even O'd, but was blatantly told it's not procedure to give results out, and that i''l have to wait til my next FS consultation for results. Feb. I tried to explain without crying that it's a tough time and has been for three years not knowing if it's what you're doing or if it's your body that's letting you down, but again, no, i'm not allowed to know what my own body is bloody doing.

I'm feeling so so tired of this journey, DH and I enter out 4th year this month and i honestly dont feel i have the drive anymore, i struggle each month to cope with the disappointment. When do you call it a day and begin the joueny of coming to terms with the fact it may never happen?

i know thatnot many people are succesful on the first round of clomid, but i just dont think i can do this naymore.

 

[Coffee]

Jeez, i'm so annoyed on your behalf. It makes me so angry when i hear Dr's refusing to give results. I've had this before and it's just ridiculous- why shouldn't you be told the results of a test on your own body? It's just disgraceful.
Don't give up though. It's the first round, you've got to give it another chance or you might really regret it later on.
Stay strong

 

[sam76]

oh honey try not to give up, it will be worth it in the end, chin up xxxx

 

[Samo]

wishing you all the best, hun, you can do it.

 

[Rumpskin]

So sorry you are having to put up with this darling.

Like Coffee said, stay strong xxx

 

[Nicnac]

Oh hon, I can't imagine what four years has been like, but as the girls said it's only been your first round of clomid.

I'm sorry the bloomin docs are being pains....their clinical-ness is just so uncaring.

Don't give up yet though....give the clomid a bit more a chance.

Big squeezy

 

[MrsF]

thanks guys x x x x x xand hugs x x x x
the biggest problem (well, apart from the constant bfn's) is that after i test, i get so down and cry for so long, then AF comes, and i get down again and cry more. i have a friend heading over later, but i just want to shut myself away. i wish i could control the tears, but they just come from nowhere, if you know what i mean x x x

 

[miel]

it's so weird they don't give your result over there ( i get mine online same day here in USA!!!) .
but don't give up sweetie ,you can do it , you are strong

 

[hayz1981]

Really sorry you're feeling down. But don't give up yet. As has been said, it's only the first round. Stay strong. I don't know when and how anyone decides when it's time to call it a day, but I don't think it's close to that for you yet. I hope and pray you get your BFP very very soon.

lots of to you xxx

 

[CareBear]

How ridiculous they won't give you the results!! It seems like at the moment Doc's don't want you to know what is happening with your body or even expect you to be interested! I have my fingers crossed for you that your next cycle with clomid works.

 

[millymolly]

Sorry to hear your having a difficult time

Some medics are just not able to empathise...they often seem to ignore the emotional side of ttc!

Please try and give clomid another go..your body might just need a few cycles for it to work effectively.

Try and give yourself 'me time' to take your mind off ttc...easier said than done.....but stress doesn't help, I know from experience!. At least you are able to talk to your friend and that is important plus, don't be embarrassed about your emotions, we all need to cry at times...our hormones have alot to answer for! Are there any Fertility Support Groups in your area or Fertility Counselling, they may just help you find the strength for a few more cycles?

(I may be starting clomid shortly, I am seeing Fertility Consultant on Mon 1st Dec and he said previously that he may start me on clomid but wanted me to have a HSG but havn't been able to book one in yet as had probs scheduling it in with my cycles!)

Sending you lots of and best wishes

 

[JASMAK]

Wow...that makes me angry too that the DR wouldn't give out the results!!! Why the hell not?? He can't even come to the phone and just say the freaking number? Can you get this test done by your GP instead? I had mine done by my GP, and the FS just used the same number later.

I am sorry you are feeling so low right now. Don't give up on your first round! Perhaps you just need a break tho??? Give yourself a couple days.

 

[Coffee]

thanks guys x x x x x xand hugs x x x x
the biggest problem (well, apart from the constant bfn's) is that after i test, i get so down and cry for so long, then AF comes, and i get down again and cry more. i have a friend heading over later, but i just want to shut myself away. i wish i could control the tears, but they just come from nowhere, if you know what i mean x x x

I can't help but cry when i get AF. It's impossible not to and i've stopped trying to stop myself! I've just accepted that CD1 is always going to be emotional for me, and i'm going to bawl my eyes out and that's that.
One thing that i don't do is test - i find the BFNs just too depressing, and also i find testing in itself gets me in that mindset of "ooohhh there's a chance, i could be...". So, in order to protect myself a little bit emotionally, i don't test at all, i just count down to and always expect AF. Yes, i still have a good cry on CD1 when she arrives, but i can cope with one day a month you know?

 

[MrsF]

Thanks again, i feel very safe here being able to express myself, without having to apologise for snotting, or clearing my throat, etc! I like the idea of a local support group, but it's a time element for me more than anything cos of work - hey, this is the best support group!!!

Coffee, i think you're so disciplined not testing, every month i do say to myself wait til after AF date, but the drive to test is so bloody strong! I thought i had all the signals this month too! it would certainly save me a fortune...

DH isn't home from work til later, so hopefully i'll get chance for a chat with him before bed. I'm trying not to let him see how down i get as i want to protect him from it, if that makes sense.

My head hurts so much - combo of AF and crying methinks. Bl**dy eff-ing hormone c**p - i feel a strong case of tourettes coming on...

x x x x

 

[CareBear]

I think we all feel emotional when we get BFN's especially as it is kinda hard to not get your hopes up each month especially when you have started treatment. I remember one month I was so convinced it would work, I had done one cycle of clomid and had a chemical pregnancy which I put down to being very stressed and anxious, took a break and on the second cycle of clomid I made sure I was more relaxed, booked a holiday from the day I had my scan and injection so had plenty of time to BD and then my hopes were really raised when I had faint lines on tests around 12 DPO only for AF to arrive a couple of days later. That month I cried my eyes out on CD1 and even came home from work which isn't something I would normally do, and every day for the rest of that week every morning I would be crying my eyes out and then trying to pull myself together before going to work. After that I tried the approach of trying to "forget" about TTCing as much as I could and that has helped keep me calmer. I think every month though you have to grieve for what you have lost again, you've lost another chance and its healthy to feel sad. I hope DH gives you lots of hugs and kisses to make you feel better. x

 

[FunnyBunny]

Oh dear, your Dr makes me sooo angry - it's your body, your results. I'm also on clomid and get very very emotional, especially around time of AF.

Maybe instead of giving up you should have a break or have a break think about TTC, i know this is very very hard to do but someone I think it was Miel advised me to do this a few months ago and hey presto I got a BFP which sadly ended in M/c but I really believe it was because I was more relaxed than ever and not stressing counting every day and sign spotting all of the time. I know this is way easier said than done and for me I had to get so wound up and stressed about it before I could get to quite peaceful stage.

Best of luck, I hope you can work your way through this.

X

 

[Sinead]

Don't give up, it will happen xxxx

 

[akcher]

I hope you feel better after letting your frustration out. Please don't loose hope. There are much more technology out there to help you with your BFP. Wishing you lots of luck

 

[MissAma]

TTC can get us so very manic depressive... the highs and the hope around O time and then the extreme lows when AF comes.

I absolutely agree with everything said above that indeed you have to give Clomid more chances!

With that said, I know just what you mean (myself, I seem to naturally take breaks - months in which I don't even remember children but focus on other aspects of my life but I seem to always come back to TTC - for now), I don't think there's any LTTCer out there who hasn't wondered "When is it that I need to stop wishing my life away?" and considered it. I guess the answer to that is very personal and it has to do with doing a lot of honest introspection and soul searching and when you honestly see TTC is harmful to your sanity or to the health of your relationship that's a good time to give yourself serious deadlines and consider other options.

Donor eggs, donor sperm, embryo donation, surrogacy, adoption, all these are just turns in the path and exciting times past natural TTCing and ultimately there are boards out there with sections for former TTCers who have decided they wish to live without children and their journey is over.

I hope I didn't upset anyone, I know this thread was mostly to gather strength to carry on and realistically I honestly hand on heart believe you should but not because everyone else does or despite it having a negative impact on your life.

Big understanding hugs!

 

[HAYS]

aw chick im so sorry your going through this, try and stay positive,as hard as it is my lovely.

you WILL get there!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx