Thinking of Seperating from FOB

[lovemygirl]

I have a 6month old baby girl. Love her deeply!! I was about to break up with my boyfriend, but found out I was pregnant with her. We tried to make it work, but just keep fighting all the time. Say really nasty things to each other, hardly sleep in the same bed together, never do anything fun together, and sometimes when the fights get really bad...it can turn physical. I think we have both kind of come to the end of the road...but I am sooo scared to be a single monther with a new baby. Well, I'm not really "scared", I am really sad. I'm sad that I won't be able to share all of her "firsts" with her father and am sad that we won't get to spend Christmas together, or go on vacations together. He has a place in Costa Rica, so I'm nervous that he's going to want to take her there for a week or two. But I'm thinking there is no way in hell that will happen for a couple of years (at least not without me there). I know that we would be much better friends than we are lovers, but I feel though we should keep trying to stay together for the LO. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!

 

[LittleLemon]

Hi chick,
I can only speak for myself, and truth to be told I am so much more relaxed and happy (and enjoy being a mummy way more) now that I got rid of Ethan's dad. We never did anything fun either, he never made me feel special and he was a total drain in life for me. Nothing came out of that relationship, and I held on for a year from when I got pregnant to try and hope for the best.
I am now alone with my 9-month-old son, and it is a real struggle but believe me, it was for the best - you need all the life energy and positiveness you can get around you, and if FOB cannot give that to you then he's got to go! I know it's really scary thinking you'll be alone but humans adapt quickly and before you know it, you'll look back thinking why the hell you even stayed with him so long. Stay strong, know your worth, and know your little girl's worth. You know what will be the best for you.
Lots of love x

 

[lovemygirl]

Aww, thanks LittleLemon! That was very sweet of you and so positive. Thanks for sharing. It makes me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one going through this.

 

[jenmc226]

If it's not working, don't stay together "for the LO". Having an unhappy family is not in your child's best interest.

I was also on the verge of breaking up w/ my son's father when I found out I was pregnant. So I stayed with him. I was scared I couldn't do it on my own and I was scared that I'd be alone and never find someone else. Well I realized that I was being a parent on my own and that FOB was just another child I was taking care of. And I also realized that I would rather be alone than be with this loser. When my son was 13months old I finally kicked FOB out. It was hard at first. We had been together for almost 3 years. It was a big adjustment. A month after we broke up I even caved and we briefly "got back together" for a week. It only took a week for me to remember why I wanted him gone, though.

That was almost 4 years ago now. It was the smartest thing I ever did with that loser. Unfortunately, we haven't been able to maintain any sort of a friendly relationship for the sake of our son. FOB really is a loser, in and out of our lifes, unreliable. He's spent most of the last 2yrs jobless and homeless. Even his parents kicked them out of their home because he was so lazy/disrespectful.

I can't imagine my life right now if I had stayed with him. I'm sure I wouldn't have the career I have right now or the home I bought. I'd be a wreck and my life would be miserable. And my son's wouldn't have the loving home he has now. I certainly wouldn't have met the wonderful man who became my husband just a few months ago. My husband has been more of a father to my son than his biological daddy has ever been. My son calls my husband "Daddy". And my husband thinks of him as his own.

Being a single parent is not scary. It's hard work, but it's the most rewarding experience. And if you're not happy with this man, then you deserve better.