This FOB is one in a million - need to vent

[Welshcob]

I haven't spoken to him since April and subsequently when he took me to court for a no contact undertaking. All this after he planned baby and then clearly changed his mind! Anyway, here I am now, scared of this man. Because if I make him angry then he will stop at nothing to make me suffer for it. But his undertaking is soon to end I think 6th Dec. In the mean time I notice hes selling new Denby china on Ebay, and buying and selling un dated 20 pence pieces for 60 pounds a pop! What an ASS!!!!!! Seriously!!! It makes me so mad. I can't afford a darned cot and hes wasting money on 20 pence pieces to make extra money! Hes probably happy as larry having washed his hands of us and knowing he has terrorised me to the point that I would not dare make contact via CSA for maintenance. He can just go away and live his gigolo life again and deny his baby and all his horrific behaviour!!
Anyway, I am thinking!!! - when the court order ends, shall I ask him if would not mind buying a cot and mattress for baby? I feel sure if I do email him he will ignore it. But what do you think? At the moment I have an old one that is given to me, but I am a bit concerned about it as its so old and doesn't have an adjustable base and is a non standard size. So not easy to get a mattress -would have to go made to measure. It makes me sick to think he just pretends we don't exist and wastes his money without a thought for his baby!!
Miracles of miracles, he might actually make contact and offer to help! - but seriously hes so self consumed that I think that is about as likely as seeing pigs fly!!

Oh and your probably wondering when bubs is due? Due somewhere during week commencing the 6th Dec

 

[lillprutten]

I'm sorry xxx get what you can from him and hope he doesn't ignore it xxx

 

[lilyd]

Don't know your story, but I would make contact with the CSA for maintenence and let them know you do not want your contact details passed on to him. He has a responsibility to provide for his child whether he likes it or not.

 

[lou_w34]

Its a tough one, from what youve said in the past, its not very likely that he will reply if you email him.

If i were you, and its just what id do, i would just leave him to it. I know its unfair, it sucks how much they can get away with, while your struggling to pay for everything.

Would he get a injunction again if you did email him?

Its bloody shocking that he gets a injunction against you for throughout all of your pregnancy, yet as soon as the baby is born he can swan back in, its like he knew he would get away with doing sod all... well that what it sounds like to me.

If you do email him, id just do it the once, and say that his child needs a cot, and he should at least help in some way, also keep a copy of it, incase he tries anything.

Sorry i wasnt much help!

 

[Welshcob]

Don't know your story, but I would make contact with the CSA for maintenence and let them know you do not want your contact details passed on to him. He has a responsibility to provide for his child whether he likes it or not.

You are morally totally right. The problem is that Solicitors, Womens Aid The Domestic Violence Helpline and even the Midwife have advised keeping as far away from him as possible and not going to CSA. Because he will know its me and that is sufficient to set him off. His no contact order came about and an number of untrue accusations about me, because I kept asking him what was going on and I could not understand how he planned this baby with me and then just cut contact. He took me to court over it. The money although, desperately needed, is not worth what he will put me through for it. I also know he will never stop. So this is why I have had to move and take other measures in order to feel safe. I thought, that if I emailed him about the cot, that if he decided he would buy one, then my friends could meet him to get it. I have no problem him seeing his baby provided he remains sane...but his behaviour is very irratic. Any small thing can suddenly set him off. I thought that if he emailed me for contact, then I would arrange that via my friends in a public place. But he must never know where I live. I haven't got money to waste going to court because he enjoys this feeling of power and control.
But like you said, its totally morally wrong that he behave in this way. He knew what he was doing and just because he is a bully and a coward at the same time, he gets away without paying a penny. I have resolved, that if there is anything wrong with this baby - I will go to CSA as he will want nothing to do with it should there be any defect, and God knows I need as much help as I can. I have no support except from my friends and my sister!

 

[Welshcob]

Its a tough one, from what youve said in the past, its not very likely that he will reply if you email him.

If i were you, and its just what id do, i would just leave him to it. I know its unfair, it sucks how much they can get away with, while your struggling to pay for everything.

Would he get a injunction again if you did email him?

Its bloody shocking that he gets a injunction against you for throughout all of your pregnancy, yet as soon as the baby is born he can swan back in, its like he knew he would get away with doing sod all... well that what it sounds like to me.

If you do email him, id just do it the once, and say that his child needs a cot, and he should at least help in some way, also keep a copy of it, incase he tries anything.

Sorry i wasnt much help!

You are so right.... What you said is a help. I thought I can ask politely and just the once and leave it at that. I'd also say that I would not come and get it, but that my friends could meet him to pick it up

 

[lou_w34]

Yeah, deffinatley dont go and get it yourself, get a friend or whoever to do it, and if he wont agree to that, he could order one in a shop and you can go and pick it up.

I can see all the health professionals point about you staying as far away as possible, i think its what you should do too, after all, unless he's got a load of unborn children waiting to be born its gunna be pretty obvious who has called the csa. But at the same time i know how frustrating it is, when i asked my fob why he hadnt helped out, he actually blamed me, saying when he was going to offer money i didnt answer the phone?? They just seem to have an excuse for everything to me.

If you do send it, try not to get your hopes up for a reply

 

[teal]

Sending you lots of hugs

I agree that it sounds like an idea just to ask him the once but from what you've said not to get your hopes up about a reply.

I think Lou has a good point that if he agrees to order it through a shop so you can pick it up - that way you won't have to see him xx

 

[asacia]

If he is so dangerous you should not contact the CSA, then I would under no circumstances contact him yourself, via email or through a friend.

If you need a cot/mattress, you can get them from Ikea for £60:
https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/00115751
https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/80152853

Or you can likely pick up a standard size cot on free cycle, and then just buy a cheap new mattress.

 

[starbucks101]

Dont email him to ask for anything, you'll get yourself in more trouble, you've got 2 choices, you either walk away from it and leave it all in the past or you go to CSA after bubs is born and let them do thier job, they wont give out your address, and it doesnt matter if he knows its you... your not doing anything illegal. If hes as abusive and malnipulating as you say your best bet is to steer well clear, all your bubs needs is you. My toddler is in a 5th time handed down cot and shes fine

 

[woadie]

Hes probably happy as larry having washed his hands of us and knowing he has terrorised me to the point that I would not dare make contact via CSA for maintenance. He can just go away and live his gigolo life again and deny his baby and all his horrific behaviour!!


Anyway, I am thinking!!! - when the court order ends, shall I ask him if would not mind buying a cot and mattress for baby? I feel sure if I do email him he will ignore it. But what do you think?

Oh and your probably wondering when bubs is due? Due somewhere during week commencing the 6th Dec

I would say forget this man, forget the CSA, forget asking for anything. He sounds like a total asshole prick faced twatbag moron who doesn't deserve to be near any child let alone his own. A waste of space on this planet who should be castrated in preference to fathering any further children.

Sorry but your post made me really angry with this man especially where you said you couldn't afford a cot. I just wanted to hug you. I hope you have some people there to support you with all this upset. Don't let him get to you, he isn't worth it. Life will turn up something good which isn't grown man shaped and is a wonderful, small gurgling smiley baby who will love you just fine even if the cot is second hand and battered and the clothes are from ebay...

And I could stab that mans eyes out with a rusty nail after readin that...

Sorry I'm not more help to you, just angry and angsty about it... lol... at least you know there are people here who find his behaviour appalling.

(((hugs))) roll on December 6th (or thereabouts lol )

 

[Welshcob]

Hes probably happy as larry having washed his hands of us and knowing he has terrorised me to the point that I would not dare make contact via CSA for maintenance. He can just go away and live his gigolo life again and deny his baby and all his horrific behaviour!!


Anyway, I am thinking!!! - when the court order ends, shall I ask him if would not mind buying a cot and mattress for baby? I feel sure if I do email him he will ignore it. But what do you think?

Oh and your probably wondering when bubs is due? Due somewhere during week commencing the 6th Dec

I would say forget this man, forget the CSA, forget asking for anything. He sounds like a total asshole prick faced twatbag moron who doesn't deserve to be near any child let alone his own. A waste of space on this planet who should be castrated in preference to fathering any further children.

Sorry but your post made me really angry with this man especially where you said you couldn't afford a cot. I just wanted to hug you. I hope you have some people there to support you with all this upset. Don't let him get to you, he isn't worth it. Life will turn up something good which isn't grown man shaped and is a wonderful, small gurgling smiley baby who will love you just fine even if the cot is second hand and battered and the clothes are from ebay...

And I could stab that mans eyes out with a rusty nail after readin that...

Sorry I'm not more help to you, just angry and angsty about it... lol... at least you know there are people here who find his behaviour appalling.

(((hugs))) roll on December 6th (or thereabouts lol )

I am so grateful for your support and everyones on here! I can't tell you!!!!