this is long but i could really do with advice or a pick me up :'(

[xxfluffyxx]

SO LADIES,
i HAVNT BEEN ON IN A LONG TIME,IM TRYING TO MAKE A LIFE FOR ME AND MY BABA BUT WANNA JUST GIVE UP!! IV HAD ENOUGH!!! IM TIRED,SICK,LONELY.mY PREGNANCY WAS VERY VERY TOUGH! MY FOB LEFT ME WHEN I WAS 8MONTHS PREGNANT.HE PARTIED NON-STOP,WAS IMMATURE,POSTED PICS OF HIM ONLINE WITH OTHER GIRLS,SPRAINED MY WRIST UPSET ME ALL THE TIME IGNORED ME,DITCHED ME,LIED TO ME ABOUT NITES OUT SAYING THEY WERE"LADS ONLY" WHEN THEY WERENT ETC ETC ETC....i LOVED HIM,I STILL DO.....i LEFT HIM TO IT,WHEN THE LABOUR AND BIRTH CAME AROUND,HE WAS THERE FOR ME,HE WAS GREAT,i ALLOWED HIM AT THE BIRTH IN THE HOSPITAL,SO HE COULD SEE WHAT ID TO GO THRU IN HOPE HE MIGHT APPRECIATE ME,I HAD MY BEAUTIFUL SON WHO I LOVE TO BITS IN OCTOBER 4TH.AFTERWARDS THE PRESSURE BEGAN FROM HIS FAMILY.HIS MOTHER WAS ALWAYS VERY INTERFERING DURING OUR RELATIONSHIP AND DOES IINFLUENCE HIM AN AWFUL LOT STILL....WHEN MY BABY WAS JUST 4DAYS OLD THE SOLICITORS THREATS BEGAN ABOUT THEM TAKIN MY SON.EVEN GOING TO THE SHOP I WAS BULLIED AND INTIMIDATED BY THEM,COMING TO MY HOUSE,CALLING TEXTING ETC...i ALLOWED HIM TO VISIT THE BABY WHEN HE WAS VERY YOUNG,THEN WHEN HE BEGAN SHOUTING AND ARGUING IN MY HOUSE I STOPPED IT AND HE TOOK THE CHILD ONCE A WEEK TO HIS PARENTS HOUSE(WE ARE BOTH 21).........I TRUSTED HIM TO BE THERE FOR ME AND AT THE START OF MY PREGNANCY HE WAS SO FANTASTIC TO ME AND LOOKED AFTER ME,WE WERE EACHOTHERS CHILDHOOD SWEETHEARTS AND TOGETHER SINCE SCHOOL.SINCE THE BIRTH I INFORM HIM OF EVERYTHING,AND ALWAYS CONSIDER HIM EVEN WHEN I DONT HAVE TO,ITS THROWN IN MY FACE...
IN DECEMBER,I ASKED HIM IF HED LIKE TO COME AND SEE SANTA WITH US,HE DID,AND EVEN ENDED UP STAYING IN MY HOUSE AS THE ROADS WERE REALLY ICY AND THERE WAS LOTS OF SNOW AND HE WANTED TO TAKE CARE OF THE BABT THRU THE NIGHT,FOR A GOOD WHILE HE KEPT TEXTING ASKIN HOW I WAS ETC...HE FLIRTED ALOT AND TOOK ME FOR LUNCH AT THE SAME PLACE WE WENT WHEN WE FOUND OUT THE SEX OF THE BABY DURING THE PREGNANCY.HE SAID HE COULDNT STOP LOOKIN AT MY BOOBS ETC AND THAT ALTHOU HARD TO ADMIT IT,ESPECIALLY TO HIS FAMILY AND M8S,HE STILL LOVES ME AND REALLY CARES ABOUT ME...I WAS SO HAPPY!! IV DREAMED OF OUR LITTLE FAMILY AND HAVING THE SUPPORT OF ANOTHER ADULT,THERE MUST BE SOME HOPE.........
THEN I GOT A COURT SUMMONS IN THE POST! HE WANTED ACCESS,GUARDIANSHIP OF THE BABY! HE SAID HIS MAM HAD PUSHED FOR IT,AND HE WAS ANGRY I DIDNT PUT HIS NAME ON THE BIRTHCERT.hE TOLD ME LOTS OF DIFFERENT THINGS WHEN I ASKED ABOUT US: -THAT HE HADNT RULED OUT US GETTIN BACK TOGETHER,-HE DID LOVE ME BUT ME NOT SEEING EYE TO EYE WITH HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY WAS A HUGE ISSUE.-WE SHOULD HAVE MOVED IN TOGETHER QUICKER.-MAYBE IN A FEW MONTHS.-HE DOES LOVE ME BUT KNOWS WE COULDNT BE TOGETHER ANYTIME SOON. I STOPPED HANGING OUT WITH HIM AND THE BABY BECAUSE IT WASNT FAIR,HED LIKE TO "ACT LIKE A FAMILY" THE 3 OF US,EVEN LET PPL SAY WE WERE A LOVELY COUPLE,BUT AT THE SAME TIME THERE WAS NO COMMITMENT,SO I DECIDED TO KEEP IT VERY BRIEF,SAY "HI" AT THE DOOR WHEN HE COLLECTED THE BABY AND"BYE WHEN HE CAME BACK.WHICH WAS FINE.ALMOST ALL THE TIME THOUGH HED SAY"CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE" AND ID GIVE IN,LET HIM COME IN FOR A CUP OF TEA,WELCOME HIM ETC(ITS JUST THE KIND OF PERSON I AM!)......ON DECEMBER 27TH,AFTER BEEN VERY UPSET,I ASKED HIM STRAIGHT OUT"DO YOU LOVE ME?" HE SAIS "YES i REALLY DO,i JUST DONT KNOW IF WE COULD BE TOGETHER,I HONESTLY DONT KNOW,I JUST KNOW THAT NOT ANYTIME SOON " I SAID TO HIM !"SO THE FACT THAT I LOVE YOU AND YOU LOVE ME STANDS FOR NOTHING?" AND HE SAID"YES OBVIOUSLY IT DOES".THEN I SAID TO HIM"SO YOUR HAPPY THAT ME YOU AND THE BABY ARENT TOGRTHER THEN?" AND HE SAID"NO I CANT ANSWER THAT".................................MY HEAD IS MELTED!!!!!!! I TOLD HIM...IM NOT WAITING AROUND,EITHER START THE NEW YEARS WITH US TOGETHER OR IM GETTING ON WITH MY LIFE,,UP TO YOU!....HE SAID HE WANTED TO SPEND NEW YEARS EVE WITH ME AND THE BABY BUT WE COULDNT BE "WITH EACHOTHER".....I TOLD HIM "NO" "ITS ONE OR THE OTHER!" AGAIN HE SAID HE DIDNT KNOW WHAT HE WANTED,WASNT RULING IT OUT US GETTING BACK TOGETHER,AND ALSO THAT HE DIDNT WANT ME WAITING ARPUND BECAUSE EVEN THEN HE JUST DIDNT KNOW!...."PLEASE DONT HATE ME" HE BEGGED AND PLEASE STILL ASK ME IN FOR TEA AND SPEND TIME WITH ME" AND DONT JUST BE BLUNT AT THE DOOR" .....I TEXT HIM AND SAID"ENJOY YOUR LIFE,LOOK AT WHAT YOU COULD HAVE,YOUR A FOOL".....................I LEFT IT AT THAT..AT NEWYEARS HE TEXTED ME,I IGNORED,THE NEXT DAY ON HIS LUNCHBREAK HE TEXTED ME AGAIN AND I IGNORED.................THE COURT CAME UP AND I CONSENTED THE GUARDIANSHIP AND ACCESS HE WANTED,HE WAS ORDERED TO PAY ME 500 TOWARDS COSTS AND ALSO MONEY EACH WEEK.HE WASNT HAPPY.....SINCE HE HAS TAKEN MY SON TWICE AND STILL WELCOMED BY MY MOTHER INTO THIS HOUSE AND GIVEN TEA.i HAVNTT HEARD FROM HIS FAMILY IN MONTHS,MY BABY DIDNT EVEN GET A CHRISTMAS CARD.....STRANGELY ENOUGH,HE ALSO SENT ME DOWN A BEAUTIFUL PANDORAS BRACELET AT CHRISTMAS????? WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS MEAN???? BECAUSE I FIND IT STRANGE IF WE ARE SO FINISHED???????????? ON MONDAY OF THIS WEEK HE BAGAN SAYING HOW HE"NEVER WANTED US TO BREAK UP BUT FELT MY BEHAVIOUR FORCED HIM TO" I REFUSED TO DISCUSS IT AND TOLD HIM"AWH IM NOT BOTHERED ANYMORE",...... SOMEONE PLEASE ADVISE ME?? IM HAVING A VERY HARD TIME,DURING MY PREGNANCY MY MAM HAD A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN,I NEARLY LOST MY GRANDAD,AND ALSO ALL OF THIS!!!! AT THE MOMENT IM SUFFERING FROM STRESS,ANAEMIA,AND WAITING FOR MORE RESULTS FROM THE DOCTOR!!! I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO....I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS,I CANT COPE!! IM ATENDING COUNCILLING....HE TAKES THE BABY ON MONDAY AND WEDNESDAY,BUT EVEN THIS WEEK BROUGHT HIM HOME WITH ALL OF HIS MATES IN THE CAR STARING IN AT ME,THEY CAUSED ALOT OF TROUBLE IN OUR RELATIONSHIP AND THAT HURT ME THE THOUGHT OF THEM NEAR MY SON..I FEEL ITS HOPELESS.......AND EVEN IF ITS OVER AND HE IS AS "HAPPY" AS HE SAYS,WHY IS HE STILL TRYING TO POKE STABS AT ME?? ANYONE THINK HE DOES LOVE ME? OR THERES HOPE?? OR WHAT TO DO ON A DAILY BASIS??? THANKS SO MUCH IF YOU TAKE THE TIME TO READ AND ADVISE ME.....AIMEE

 

[littlekitten8]

Hi hun. I just wanted to say your doing an amazing job dealing with all of that! It sounds like he is trying to mess with your head. I would limit your contact with him to just him picking up and dropping off the baby. Also if you are uncomfortable with him having all of his friends around the baby then you can speak to your solicitor and get conditions put on the contact that he is not to have all of these people around. If his family are doing this to you then it is harrassment and this is an arrestable offence. I would report it to the police. Record every incidence of harrassment and give it to the police.

I know it sounds awful but I honestly don't think someone who loves you can treat you this way. Its emotional abuse. You need to try (and I know that its hard) to cut contact as much as possible. You are a brave young lady and you will cope wonderfully if you allow yourself to believe you can. If you need to chat then feel free to PM me x

 

[xxfluffyxx]

thanks hun!! i dont know what hes at! the contact from the family has died down a bit i guess! iv kept a diary of everything!! it really got to him b4 when i was just brief at the door! im even thinking of asking my mam to hand the baby over so i dont have to see him at all!! i just dont get why it cant be one or the other!! ye kno?? hes still giving me presents and wanting to come into my house,getting chinese and talking with my family etc!!! ? its bizarre! thanks for your msg x

 

[littlekitten8]

It sounds like a proper head f***. If you think your mum would do it then getting her to hand over the baby is a good idea. At least for a few months until you have time to sort your head out. Its totally unfair of him to lead you on like this. It sounds to me like he has no intention of ever going against his family to get back with you and its unfair of him to keep telling you he wants to come back.

 

[xxfluffyxx]

really?? thanks for been honest! i know you may think im mad for asking this,but if i was to get him back,whats the best thing i can do? let him think im gettin on with things and have forgotten about him?

 

[angelpkj]

i think your doing the all i'd advise
just stay strong you've come so far been thru so much and your still standing!
keep a diary and FOBs ARE head fucks,i bet you his biggest fear is when you finally change with him and he knows your over it and over him,right now he knows he can still upset you but don't let him
take that power away from him and show him how strong you are!

 

[xxfluffyxx]

i think you are right! AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS! today he text me because im heading away next weekend with a load v lads,they are just friends and to be honest im thinking of not even going because i cant afford it! he (although took me to court and said he wasnt available on those days) text and asked could he take the baby,and also said"since your going with them lads"........maybe hes scared ill be with them,but i wont....im not replying,its none of his business to be honest girls,this guy is the only one I have ever slept with,been with since school,and thats why im finding it so difficult1 ;'( anyone understand what i mean??.............we broke up b4 and he HATED the thought of me kissing someone else,because i was"his babe"..............and hes the"only one who had me"

 

[Surreal]

I know it sounds awful but I honestly don't think someone who loves you can treat you this way. Its emotional abuse. You need to try (and I know that its hard) to cut contact as much as possible. You are a brave young lady and you will cope wonderfully if you allow yourself to believe you can. If you need to chat then feel free to PM me x

Ditto on what's highlighted. His two and fro is a bunch of bullshit, and you shouldn't tolerate it for one second! My ex-husband was exactly like that... he would be sweet, buy me things, lay the words on thick -- and then I would have to listen to jokes about how women were meant to be in the kitchen, and that I would never be as good as him in anything. It got to the point that the sexual abuse began, and I finally kicked him out. I cut off all contact, because I knew if I gave him the chance, he would play with my head. I've never been so proud of myself for taking that step back, and looking back I realize it was the best thing to do for me.

I don't have to deal with him, as LO isn't his, but I agree that you should probably consider the 'exchange' through your mom, in order to avoid his head games.

i think you are right! AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS! today he text me because im heading away next weekend with a load v lads,they are just friends and to be honest im thinking of not even going because i cant afford it! he (although took me to court and said he wasnt available on those days) text and asked could he take the baby,and also said"since your going with them lads"........maybe hes scared ill be with them,but i wont....im not replying,its none of his business to be honest girls,this guy is the only one I have ever slept with,been with since school,and thats why im finding it so difficult1 ;'( anyone understand what i mean??.............we broke up b4 and he HATED the thought of me kissing someone else,because i was"his babe"..............and hes the"only one who had me"

Good for you!! Let him think what he wants, as your right, it's none of his business. And if you don't want him to have LO -- then don't. If he's allowed to have all his git friends around when he has LO, then you certainly are allowed to be around other people with LO. He'll just have to get over it.

Even if you don't actually go.

 

[xxfluffyxx]

wow!! thanks hun!! im sorry you too had a hard time!! and yeah! your rite! the tooing and froing isnt good enough!!! about the trip,im not going like i was supposed to,just going to head to an aunts for a couple of days to chill and turn my phone off! he asked the courts for mon and wed and thats what he got!!!! anything else nd he can pi$$ off!! lol xxxx PS your baby is B-E-A-Utiful!!!! x