This is probably going to make me look so weak

[Serene123]

but, I'm suffering from sleep deprivation sooooooo bad that I'm afraid to break the co-sleeping habit. I have no support, well I have support, but not my OH so I can't wake someone up in the middle of the night if I'm desperate. So I just can't do it. I can't do it because I can't have any less sleep. But things need to change. I have no idea what to do.

 

[missjess]

Can your mom take Caitlyn for a night? I'm sorry hun you feel like this! I hope you manage to get some sleep soon.

 

[marley2580]

Sorry hun but if you want to get her in her own bed all you can do is persevere. I try and catch up on my sleep during the day when Kaya has a nap, is this an option for you?

 

[Ratty]

The sooner you do it the better. I watched a program the other night where a 4 year old girl was still sleeping in bed with her dad and the mom had to sleep in a spare room.

Why don't you give it a try? You never know, she might take to it easily like some of the other babies on here.

Good luck!

 

[sabby52]

The sooner the better hun, and I am speaking from experience, I had a 5 year old in my bed at one stage, I was the same as you, he just wouldnt sleep and I need sleep so the easiest thing to do was keep him in my bed, boy did I live to regret it, 5 whole years before I got him out!!!!

 

[supernurse]

It's hard hun, only the past 3 nights I've had what I would call a decent sleep, 5 hours straight, that's the best it's got for me.

We are trying to break co-sleeping but some nights it doesn't work. I think you should do what's best for you and your well being. Do you enjoy sleeping with her? Does she sleep well when with you? I don't want to give the wrong advice but if I was on my own I would carry on sleeping with her if it meant I got some decent sleep. xx

 

[Ema]

Jacob sleeps with me and OH every night. He doesnt even start in his own cot now. Due to no sleep this was the only opition It doesnt make you sound weak at all hunni, we all do what we need to, to get by. I enjoy sleeping with my son and i know people say its a bad habit but if it makes me happy and him then why should i XXX

 

[Serene123]

It's not the co-sleeping that's the problem really. I love it. It's the fact she won't sleep on her own during the day either. Can I stop her doing it in the day without stopping her at night?

 

[marley2580]

Of course you can, she's smart enough to know the difference between naps and bed time. I alternate between putting Kaya down on her own and lying down with her, it doesn't cause any major problems (though we're struggling to get her to nap at all at the moment). Kaya always starts the night in her own bed and if she gets up before 4am she gets put back in her own bed, but after 4am she's allowed in our bed - note to self must teach Kaya to tell the time lol.

 

[Linzi]

Hun the only thing thats worked with Seth is to let him cry it out through the day although I know a lot of people dont agree with it. He wouldnt fall asleep anywhere apart from on me. Now when he starts to get grumpy because he's tired I put him in his cot with his dummy and comfort blanket... he cries for about 4 or 5 mins and then drops off. But thats the only way Ive found works.

Thats only a suggestion though because I know a lot of people dont agree with crying it out.

Hope you manage to find a way that works for you

xxx

 

[ryder]

IMO you should break the habit, sooner the better. You wont be able to not work for forever, your going to eventually be in another relationship...

You need your privacy and more important She is going to need to learn independence. Otherwise your in for a long road of issues. She may actually sleep better once she is comfortable in her bed...

I love cuddling with Jasmine too. but I made my choice based on how it would affect her down the road (ie when I go back to work, what if I got midnights? and evening ends at 11:30, cant expect a 1 year old to wait up for mommy)

 

[Serene123]

I chose to co-sleep and I love doing so. It's the daytimes that are getting a little.. irritating.. because I can't get as much done as I would if she was asleep on her own.

 

[ryder]

Well then you may have to let her have a few bad daytime naps to break her of the habit. IMO it would be more effective to cut it all off... but thats your choice, it is likely going to take awhile for her to sleep during the day.

 

[Samantha675]

This is what helped me with Brennan, because I refuse to let him CIO. It takes some time, and patience, but does work. This is from Dr. Sears.

As far as co-sleeping, I don't blame you. DH is out of town this week, and I have put Brennan to bed with me and I LVOE it.

Try the "fade away" strategy. Once your child is used to going to sleep in his own bed with you there, you can work on helping him go to sleep without you there. I call this "fading away." It can be done as quickly or as slowly as you feel is right for your child.

Snuggle to sleep. Lie in bed with your child while he falls asleep. If using a crib mattress, sit on the floor and lean over to snuggle with him. Don't leave until your child is completely asleep. If you try to sneak away early and your child wakes up, he'll realize that you aren't actually falling asleep with him and he may become stressed about this new arrangement. While sitting next to your child's bed, gradually dim the lights. You can even sit there and read your own book using a flashlight or a small book lamp. Once your child gets used to falling asleep with you lying or sitting beside him, you can begin gradually moving yourself away at increasing distances night after night. Begin moving a few feet from your child's bed, then across the room, and then finally out the door. Fading away from your child's dependency on your physical presence is a gradual process, like weaning from the breast. How long it will take depends upon the separation sensitivity of your child.

Move in and out. If your child doesn't want you to leave the room, tell him you have to check the laundry, go get your book, or any other excuse you can come up with to leave the room. Step out of the room for ten seconds, then come right back and sit down again for a while. Over a few weeks, gradually lengthen the time you step out of the room. Use a catch phrase each time you leave, such as "Just one minute" or "I'll be right back." If your child gets anxious during the seconds or minutes you are out of the room, sing a song while you are gone. Leave his door open so he can hear you singing. You will eventually find that you are out of his room more than you are in his room. Periodically check on your child by peeking your head in the door. Your child will eventually fall asleep without your presence.

Whatever sleep strategy you use, be sure to relieve your child's nighttime anxiety by helping him develop a healthy attitude about sleep. You want him to learn that sleep is not only a pleasant state to enter, but a safe one to remain in.

 

[FEDup1981]

On odd occasions when my son used to sleep in bed with me, i found i slept vvvv lightly, so i wouldnt roll on him or so i would wake if he was to stir incase he fell out.

I just wondered if this was the same for you, cos if it is then you will be having a poor nights sleep, barely sleeping for the above reasons. So, if you were to break the habit of co-sleeping, i know the first week or so will be hard, but if shes in the cot next to ur bed, it might work out that youre having a better sleep inbetween the times she wakes up, rather than sleeping lightly. If you understand what i mean! xxx

Also - i know its the last thing on ur mind, but in future when u have a new partner, you wont want a toddler in ur bed! xxx

 

[Serene123]

I don't really sleep lightly, I drift in and out. I can't explain it. I trust myself with her.

 

[marley2580]

There are 5 stages of sleep -
(Stage 1) This first stage is very light sleep. If you are not disturbed during this stage you will quickly move on to the 2nd stage.
(Stage 2) You start thinking of images, even though there are no visions you really see with your eyes. If you remain undisturbed you will drift off into stage 3.
(Stage 3) You sleep much more deeply now. Your muscles are now more relaxed, and your heart rate has slowed down. Your blood pressure is also falling. Your breathing's steady and even. It's hard to wake you now. Now you will go into stage 4.
(Stage 4) This is the stage when you are dreaming. This is the deepest sleep of all the stages. It's almost impossible to wake you now. If there's a sudden loud noise, or if you are shaken you will wake up. Your blood pressure, heart rate, and brain speeds up.
(5th stage) This is Rapid Eye Movement. If you are awakened at this time, you will remember most of your dream. REM will slow down as you wake up.

When you have a baby you actually stop experiencing stage 4 sleep, as you would sleep through your baby crying. When you co-sleep, this lack of stage 4 stops you from rolling onto your baby. This is why you should never co-sleep if you have been drinking or are extremely tired, as you will revert back to experiencing stage 4 sleep. Most people who co-sleep actually get a lot of good quality sleep.

Toria it is possible to co-sleep at night but have them in their own bed during the day. I found it better to have Kaya in a single bed (after showing her how to get out herself), as I could lie down with her at first and then leave when she was asleep, you could also put a mattress on the floor.

 

[KarenLV]

This is what helped me with Brennan, because I refuse to let him CIO. It takes some time, and patience, but does work. This is from Dr. Sears.

As far as co-sleeping, I don't blame you. DH is out of town this week, and I have put Brennan to bed with me and I LVOE it.

Try the "fade away" strategy. Once your child is used to going to sleep in his own bed with you there, you can work on helping him go to sleep without you there. I call this "fading away." It can be done as quickly or as slowly as you feel is right for your child.

Snuggle to sleep. Lie in bed with your child while he falls asleep. If using a crib mattress, sit on the floor and lean over to snuggle with him. Don't leave until your child is completely asleep. If you try to sneak away early and your child wakes up, he'll realize that you aren't actually falling asleep with him and he may become stressed about this new arrangement. While sitting next to your child's bed, gradually dim the lights. You can even sit there and read your own book using a flashlight or a small book lamp. Once your child gets used to falling asleep with you lying or sitting beside him, you can begin gradually moving yourself away at increasing distances night after night. Begin moving a few feet from your child's bed, then across the room, and then finally out the door. Fading away from your child's dependency on your physical presence is a gradual process, like weaning from the breast. How long it will take depends upon the separation sensitivity of your child.

Move in and out. If your child doesn't want you to leave the room, tell him you have to check the laundry, go get your book, or any other excuse you can come up with to leave the room. Step out of the room for ten seconds, then come right back and sit down again for a while. Over a few weeks, gradually lengthen the time you step out of the room. Use a catch phrase each time you leave, such as "Just one minute" or "I'll be right back." If your child gets anxious during the seconds or minutes you are out of the room, sing a song while you are gone. Leave his door open so he can hear you singing. You will eventually find that you are out of his room more than you are in his room. Periodically check on your child by peeking your head in the door. Your child will eventually fall asleep without your presence.

Whatever sleep strategy you use, be sure to relieve your child's nighttime anxiety by helping him develop a healthy attitude about sleep. You want him to learn that sleep is not only a pleasant state to enter, but a safe one to remain in.

Toria,I also cosleep and Skyler also went through a phase where he didnt want to nap during the day without me.I followed Dr.Sears 'fading away' strategy and it worked great.Wasnt a success everytime but he now naps during day without me.Try it!