Thought I was getting better...

[Justkeeptryin]

Hi, I've been really struggling through this latest miscarriage and have been so low and depressed and so anxious about everything. Just when I thought I was getting stronger I got the news today that a relative is also expecting and is 13 weeks, exaclty one week ahead of what I should have been. I am happy for her but genuinely knocked for six as I will look at her baby due in december and keep thinking thats the age mines would have been. I really am struggling with it all, never knew this could be so difficult, its all still so raw for me.
I am absolutely worried sick aswell that I will never be able to carry. I feel like I have too much going against me. I clearly have something causing the early miscarriages and all my signs point to low progesterone but I've also been told that I have uterus didelphyis which is two seperate wombs each with their own cervix. This is so rare and puts me at high risk aswell of 2nd and 3rd tri. miscarriages and premature labour. I dont seem to have any luck or anything going right.
I have cried my eyes out over the last 2 weeks and my husband and family have been great but Im still so upset and worried that everyone thinks I should be getting over this. Im trying to put on a brace face for everyone when all I want to do is cry. I just really feel like me and my husband dont deserve this, aswell as everyone else on this forum. This has to be one of the toughest things that we all face and absolutely noone understands unless they've been through this xx

 

[madmax]

Hi sweetie if you need to talk please pm me. Its okay to feel how you do, god I think I cried non stop for 4 weeks. I am now back at work and very proud of myself, please try and talk to someone, maybe a counsellor could help you? Sending love and Maxine.

 

[Andypanda6570]

Believe me I totally understand. I got pregnant on accident at age 40 I already have 3 boys 20,17 and 11 .When I found out I was pregnant I was overjoyed then 8 weeks later my SIL announces she is pregnant . She has 3 boys also 15,12 and 8 and she is 36 and swore she was done but somehow had a little accident once she found out I was pregnant, yeah right . Anyway I over looked it and thought how nice maybe we both will have girls, well i was having a girl my precious Ava and I lost her at 18 weeks, i gave birth to her and we buried her on 3/11/2011. 6 weeks later my SIL lost her baby at 17 weeks I couldn't believe it happened to us both I was in shock/ Now my husband really doesn't want to try again he says we are done , we are fighting right now cause I do want to try again then I don't then I do, i am very confused. I know for a FACT my SIL will try again and get pregnant and that is what I am scared to death of Like next month her telling everyone she is pregnant. I just know they are trying. What can I do nothing really, but I know it will break my heart especially if I don't try again.
i am so sorry you are feeling this way, but it is totally normal/
XOXOOXO

 

[KateC]

I think that a lot of us have been there. Not with your rare conditions, of course, but with this feeling that you think you're getting better, then it hits you harder the second (or third) time around, and just floors you. I definitely remember feeling that way.

For me, it was that I hadn't properly mourned and processed yet. It took me a month or two to find the thing that really helped: holding someone else's hand through her own miscarriage. I am so sad that she had to go through it to, but being there for her helped me more than anything else did, so I am grateful that she let me reach out and support her. You have to find the thing that helps for you, whatever it is. And no, nobody else really understands. This is one journey that is yours and yours alone. Maybe that's why seeing a friend through it helped me so much. At least one person in my life really got it.

Regarding the friend who is pregnant, yes, I understand this, too. I have a neighbor who is due the same week I was. Her pregnancy keeps trucking along -- and I am so glad that it does -- but in the meantime I have had another miscarriage. Every time I see her it's a visible reminder of what might have been, and there are some days when that is hard. Still, I wouldn't wish harm on her pregnancy! I'm really glad it's going well for her.

I also relate to the worries about fertility. I'm so sorry that you have so much cause to back those worries up. Makes my fears sound like simple paranoia.

I wish you luck, and I wish you peace. Try not to worry too much about the future. Live in the moment and take this one thing at a time.

Love and strength to you.