Three year old waking

[laura109]

I'm writing this at almost 2am. For eight months now, since I was pregnant and my daughter went in a bed she had never slept through!!! She was fab until she got a bed. I understood it was all new to her and she needed the added reassurance but it's just getting so stressful now. I have to take her to bed every night as she won't let daddy. I read her a story and I enjoy this as it's our time and then I have to lie with her until she's asleep. Usually this process takes 45 minutes in total but it can be alot longer. By the time she's asleep it's between 9.00 and 10.00. We usually get to bed between 11.00 and half past. Sometimes she's awake again by then and we start the whole process again. If not without fail by 4am she comes Into our room (sometimes crying) gets in our bed and goes to sleep. She squashes right up against us or pays sideways. We end up waking up with headaches from the broken sleep and bad backs. To top all this off we have a baby who feeds somewhere between 2 and 4am. Tonight has been a bad night with her. I put her to bed. I watched an hour of tele then she started whining so I went and laid with her. Got in my bed again and less than an hour later she came in crying. Took her back to her room and continued to cry. I asked her what was wrong and she just continued to cry. I turned to sleep and she cried at me to stroke her hair. I told her mummy was tired and I would pay with her but i was going to sleep. She continued to cry. It resulted in me closing the baby gate and coming downstairs and I let her dad deal with it from there. I feel like an awful.Mum for walking away but I'm so fed up of this. My baby has a cold and I want to be there for him tonight as no doubt he will struggle abit.

The reason I'm reaching out is I've lost count of the amount of times I'm kicked out my own bed. I've lost count how many times my oh sleeps on the sofa. I've lost count how many times I've woken with a bad head due to sleeping in uncomfortable positions in her single bed. She rules when it comes to sleep. We've not even managed to have sex since my son was born four months ago. It's impossible to even cuddle up as we are permanently dealing with one of the kids.

I've tried everything. Charts. Rewards. Being firm. Baby Gates. Special bedtime drinks. Books. New bedding. I've explained to her I'd be so proud of her if she does stay in her room. I've offered days out and treats as rewards. I've told her off and put her back in bed. Absolutely nothing works. I've even tried earlier and later bed times. I've let her fall asleep downstairs and carrying her up. Tried music. Tried lights. Nothing!!!

How do I get this sorted? I am very patient but tonight I just had to walk away. She is obviously too young to understand how tiring it is and how mummy and daddy need sleep too. I love her to bits and she gets one on one time and we take her out for lots of walks etc. She's just starting nursery and loving it. Just can't take many more months of this.

 

[jessmke]

So this all started when she went into a bed? Did she sleep through while in her cot? If so then I'd put her back in the cot and keep her contained without the option of getting out of bed. My daughter is almost 2 1/2 and is still in hers and will be for the foreseeable future. But I guess the success of that depends on whether or not she can get out of her cot. My daughter tried once to climb out of hers, fell out onto the hardwood floors, and never tried again (that was 9 months ago). She still talks about falling out of her cot, so I think it scared her enough that she won't try again.

I would also just be very firm with bedtime meaning that she stays in bed. She should have the same routine every night, and when it is done and she is in bed you do not come back in the room. If she comes into your room then take her immediately back to her room, give her a quick kiss and a cuddle and back in her bed. You might have to repeat this continually all night long, so pick a weekend or some time when your OH will be home to help you. It will mean a few sleepless nights but hopefully she'll get the message that she doesn't get to come into your bed anymore.

 

[Zephram]

I disagree with putting her back in her cot. Personally I would just take her back to bed every time she gets out. I’ve had this for short periods with both my elder two. What worked for us is putting them back in bed, kiss, cuddle, no chatter or pandering to them. First few days sit on the side of the bed while they go to sleep. Next few days sit beside the bed. Next few days stand in the doorway. Thereafter stay for a couple of minutes, then say, “I’m going back to bed, go to sleep, I’ll come and check on you soon”. Wait 5 or 10 mins, go back and check, they would usually be asleep. If not repeat last step.

I love cosleeping when it’s working, have done it with all of them, but if it’s becoming a drain and she’s keeping everyone up then things need to change. Just remember, no conversation, no special rituals, quick kiss and hug, say go to sleep. If you do end up lying down with her then tell her no talking, no hair rubbing as you are tired and need to sleep. It’s not true that a 3 year old can’t understand that it’s nighttime and she’s keeping everyone up. Simply say you’re tired and everyone needs to sleep so she has to stop mucking around and go to sleep. Gently but firmly.

 

[LilFooshFoosh]

Ours was doing the same, she will still come to our bed sometimes while we are sleeping and we will just take her back to hers when we realize she's climbed in with us. We did as Zephram mentioned. She knows once it's bedtime she has to stay in her bed and if she doesn't we just take her back and say goodnight.

It is difficult at first, and ours has asthma so if she cries too hard she makes herself throw up but after a couple of weeks of always putting her right back it got better.
Also, I usually do the bedtime routine and DH will do bath time. When we started having this problem I would put her to bed but then DH did most of the putting her back. She'd call for me and DH would say "Mumma's sleeping, it's bedtime. We love you. Good night." To be fair, DH falls asleep quickly and I've always had trouble, so he usually does middle of the night stuff as he still gets solid sleep, while I still only get 4-5 hours a night...I say as I'm wide awake at 4 am.

Good luck hun, I hope you find something that works for you. It's so frustrating and worse because it makes you exhausted too. I definitely understand needing to walk away, it's why my DH took over to begin with.