Time to 'fess up!

[jillypoop]

Okay girls, so I've been a member of BnB for over a year now. There is one major thing that is stopping me and OH from TTC.

We haven't slept together yet.

I've just turned 21 and I'm still a virgin. I'm really embarrassed that I've never told any of you on here but it's literally just me, OH (obviously!) and my best friend that know. When I met OH he was my first proper boyfriend (met at 17) and I told him after a couple of weeks that I hadn't slept with anyone. He was actually my first kiss too. Can't believe I'm telling you guys this, if anyone on here knows me in real life please pretend you've never read this!!

Basically I wanted to wait until I knew he was the 'one'. We were together 7-8 months before I realised that but for some reason we haven't slept together. I think it is because I have built it up in my mind for 3 1/2 years into this big thing and I don't know what our relationship will be like when we sleep together. I really want to, believe me! I just always chicken out of it!

The other thing is, me and OH have said for over 2 years that we are going to get married and start a family together. The thing is that I'm sure (altho OH has never said it) he won't propose until we sleep together. I'm not angry about that or anything but it puts more pressure on me and I'm freaking out. The past 4-5 months he has said he wants to start a family (depending on my job as its a bit uncertain atm) but obviously cant because we aren't sleeping together!

It's this stupid head of mine thats stopping me from doing it and I don't know what to do. I know this is probably the most bizarre post you've read in a while but I really need some advice. What was your first time like?

HELP!!! (and please keep it secret!!)

xxx

 

[luckyme225]

I think it's great that you've waited until you found the one. Things might change a little bit after sex. In a way I felt closer to my husband (then boyfriend).

 

[Amygdala]

I think you just need to relax about it all and enjoy your OH. Are you on the pill? I'm not normally a big fan but maybe in your case it would help you relax and you could then just see where things go? I'm asuming you're intimate with each other in other ways so if you were on the pill (for now) you could just take it from there without the need to ever "make it official". If the moment's right you do and if it isn't you don't. Don't put too much pressure on yourself!

 

[smiling]

I think that its really special that you have waited, as it can be difficult. You say you have realised hes the one, and hes obviously an understanding guy to wait until your ready.
Being intimate with someone your in love with makes it all the more special, and brings you closer.
Like mentioned above maybe try protection first, until your at ease.

 

[sleepinbeauty]

Are you waiting the get married? Make sure you tell him that fi that is the case.

Don't be embarrassed! There's nothing to be ashamed of!

 

[fuffyburra]

Must be difficult now you've built it up in your head, I remember the first time I did it. It was with my ex, and before him I was with a guy for 10 months but it didn't feel right so I'd had it built up in my head as well. I was shaking like a leaf, sweating, head was spinning, I was so bloody nervous I nearly backed out XD But once you've done it once, that's it, it's all over lol. Then you can move on and really enjoy it. Take the plunge and honestly it will be worth it, 100% You'll probably feel so much closer

 

[wannabmamma]

i was 18 before i lost my virginity and it was with my OH, i was really worried about it aswell, i also built it up into a big thing and worried about how we would change afterwards. let me tell you i was so scared when we first slept together but my OH was great about it and im sure yours would be too. he let me take control and stop whenever i wanted, we had a good talk about it before hand and i told him how to make it confortable for me. it was the best decision as afterwards we were so close and i feel it gave us a better connection. but hun wait untill you are 100% ready and trust me you will be fine xxx

 

[sleepinbeauty]

^ she is right though.

If you want to continue waiting, you should. If you don't, then you shouldn't.

Have a glass of wine, take it slow and try to relax. The 1st time is never great like you see in the movies (screaming orgasms and the like--I wish!!) but it can be great in its own way. Remeber, you can change your mind at any time. Don't be nervous.

Honestly? I think that you should sleep with someone at least once before you settle down with them for good for a few reasons.

 

[futuremommy91]

I agree with sleepinbeauty on the sex before marriage front.

I think that after this amount of time together with your OH, sex could only strengthen it. You've both made a serious commitment to each other on an emotional level.

Honestly? I wish I didn't sleep with my ex- he pressured me and pressured me, and finally I gave in because I thought that way he would finally want to talk about the future together. It was the opposite- he just wanted the sex and after that? Byebye. I was so incredibly stupid, thinking we would be together and eventually even get married.

But the fact is, you guys HAVE made a commitment to each other. I'm sure it's scary as hell thinking about it after all this time, but if you want to sleep with him, go for it!

 

[Damita]

Wow, I think it is great you waited until you were sure, I would have a drink and relax into it, agree with the others it is not as great as you think it is going to be, ha ha I lost mine at 16 and was disappointed

 

[Mummy2jayden]

Your story is lovely and nothing to be ashamed of AT ALL!!! You obviously have a fantastic relationship cuz lets face it, most men wouldnt stick around for too long if they werent getting it!! I believe with others said and thats if your still not completely ready then dont do it yet. The time will come and itll all fit into place (excuse the pun!!!!!!!) If you worry and stress about it itll just make it harder for you. x

 

[sleepinbeauty]

Your story is lovely and nothing to be ashamed of AT ALL!!! You obviously have a fantastic relationship cuz lets face it, most men wouldnt stick around for too long if they werent getting it!! I believe with others said and thats if your still not completely ready then dont do it yet. The time will come and itll all fit into place (excuse the pun!!!!!!!) If you worry and stress about it itll just make it harder for you. x

 

[Sydd]

Hey hun...
Wanted to say fair play for waiting...
3 1/2 years is a LONG TIME... He is clearly prepared to wait... Guys are just excellent at saying things but never doin 'em!!!
Could always propose to him

 

[winegums]

i admire you!!! i lost my virginity at 13 and it was horrible!! i was drunk and i was terrified as i started bleeding and had had no sex education or anything! eurgh..

i have to say i love sex with my OH because it's not like movie or porn sex! lol. no 3 hour marathons etc :S seriously i enjoy it but about 20 mins is my limit so i actually like the fact he doesn't last long!!!

and lots of foreplay... i find if we only spend 5 mins of foreplay then i'm quite dry and tight sorry for TMI but yeah sometimes we lay there for ages just chatting and stroking and tickling etc and then when we get down to it you can tell your body is all ready!! it's hard to explain

but i would say... don't get drunk! lol and lot's of foreplay and cuddling first

xxx

 

[Eternal]

Well done, dont be ashamed.

My husband and I waited for each other, were both religious and dont beleive in sex before marriage so he was 26 and i was 23, i think its really special that we waited for each other, it seems really strange in todays world but it worked for us.

If you want to wait until your married then do, if not talk about it, I am sure you partner knows you well are you living together? just ask him to take things slow and stop if your not comfortable then try again in a few days.

 

[cupcake123]

Like others have said, you should not be ashamed at all! If anything it is a sign of the strength of your relationship- people say that the sex declines after marriage etc, and that this can cause strains on the relationship - but it sounds like you have such a strong personal connection and that your relationship is all the stronger for it.

I think though that since it has become quite a big issue for you (I totally understand this) that it needs to be addessed or it will just build up into this unbearable thing! You need to be ready and happy, but sometimes the longer it goes on the worse the pressure gets. I'm not saying rush into it, and if your gut feeling is to wait until marriage, then of course you should.

How often do you discuss it with your OH? Ideally if you could take all the emotion and pressure out of the equation (impossible I know!) when would want to do it?

 

[MissWaiting]

i was 17 when i lost mine and tbh now i wish i would of waited and fair enought it was uncomfy the first couple of times but it does get better. The first time i slept with my current oh i felt so amazeingly connected to him but i do say if you are not ready dont do it its all about you being ready jsut take your time .

 

[silverbell]

You asked what other people's first times were like ... mine wasn't very nice! It was over very quickly, I didn't know what I was doing, I wasn't sure if it was right and I felt I was doing something naughty (I was 17 and had been with my partner for 9 months). I was terrified and nervous and didn't know what to expect. I felt ... nothing! I expected feelings of intense pleasure and enjoyment and didn't feel anything at all. It was a massive let-down and I wish I hadn't built up in my head to be something spectacular. I think most of us would agree that our first times were not spectacular. It's the times afterwards where you start relaxing and enjoying yourselves and experimenting when the enjoyment starts. At least it was in my experience.

When I met OH I had had sex just twice. I was very nervous still but he totally put me at ease and kept saying we didn't have to and he would stop at any time. It made me feel a lot better. My OH was the first man I felt I was in love with (I had thought I was previously, but now know it wasn't) and the connection I felt when we made love was heavenly. Again though, because it was our first time together it was full of nerves and worry and so it wasn't earth-shattering ... that came later

Oh and with my OH he lost his virginity with his girlfriend at the time and she bled very heavily everywhere and put him off for a long while! It doesn't always go to plan and I think it's important not to let it all build up and make it something it isn't. It's easy to do when you've waited so long.

I do hope all goes well with you and I don't think anybody on these boards would think you were silly. I'm glad you felt you could share it with us.

 

[MissWaiting]

oh yes with you asking about what first times where like i didnt explain lol
my first time was all weird and very stiff (no pun intended) but i didnt bleed and i did feel plesure but it wasnt the pleasure i now feel with my OH my first time was a tiny bit painful but wasnt to bad. i wish my frist time would of been like mine and ohs first time but instead my first time jsut felt like i cant really explain it but like he was trying to squer me lol but with oh our first time was so tender and loveing and he went slow and made sure i really wanted to do it and it was amazeing. I honestly admire you for not haveing sex yet i really wish i would of waited

 

[welshwarriors]

Honestly hun, I think it's wonderful that you waited...well that you're still waiting. I wish I would have waited. But I gave into tempation.

I think you have to stop to over think the whole thing. It's like riding a bike, once you know how it's done you will never forget how to do it.
I suspect your OH is not a virgin, so he can show you slowly the ropes.

Just enjoy it and think what amazing little ppl you can produce by doing something so simple like having sex.