tips to help your relationship and sex life survive LTTTC?

[lynne192]

hey all recently my sex drive has been in the pits and i am worried about my sex life and my OH for that matter and also our relationship, we're very on edge....

since seeing the RE and being told iui was next and only option other than private ivf things have been up and down pretty badly... i was very hopeless after seing the doctor but my OH was very hopeful, we were given 2months clomid to try while we're on the year waiting list for iui, so waiting to take that, i use a fertility monitor to know when i ovulate and only had sex on the day it showed the O sign and thats it, i was ill a few days there but OH been very distant and such

i am really worried he's relised he'll marry someone who might not be able to give him children (my ds is not his)

his relationship with my DS is getting really shakey too....

i was wondering if anyone had any tips to help brighten things up? i have decided to sell almost all my stuff to focus on christmas....

my OH has went out every weekend for the past three weekends i haven't had a break in months, last time i was out/had a break was 3-4months ago i don't drink and don't really want to go clubbing or anything but would love to spend the night snugging up watching movies with OH

My DS goes to bed about 8pm so not too late, so rest of the night is ours but i have had to go to bed at 10pm recently as been to tired to last any longer than that really....

i took weekend off last weekend so could spend time with OH but he went out with his mates???

we're currently not really talking he is at his and i am at mine with my DS and dog, i don't really cope well with both but i want him to have some time to himself as he seems sooo stressed

he is soo worried about government and political things
he is worried about money and where he lives
he has mild OCD but been off his meds for 2 years

his mum is trying to help but he just keeps flying off the handle at her, i feel sooo bad for her, he saids its not all about me thats making him mad but alot to do with his mum.

me and his mum thought if we had a timetable and some ground rules then he wouldn't feel so pressured and would know what was going on and where we stood because he just turns up at mine whenever he wants and can be very nasty sometimes about nothing (new aspect thats getting worse but never hurts anyone)

plus its better for me and my son because i hate waiting in all day for him then he doesn't turn up?

i guess i am slightly a little resentful because he is fertile and i am the one that got cut opened, pumped full of drugs etc never get time to myself, cook, clean etc....

he can up and leave when he wants to do what he wants....

sorry i know this is long post its a bit of a rant too but need some tips to help brighten it up for both of us...

 

[fluffystar]

Hi Sweetie, didnt want to read and run bit wanted to send you some
TTC can be such a strain on relationships, I hope you can work things out. I think we al suffer from this at some point in th journey to get BFP. I guess it shows you how strong your relationship is.

Sorry I cant be more helpful xx
love hugs
fluffy xx

 

[lynne192]

thanks hun xxx

 

[bumski]

hi lynne, i dont want this to sound offensive and please dont take it the wrong way but if your trying to have a baby with him and marry him, is it not time he helps support you through this, i mean, your having tests,ops etc done your also the one trying to make it all happen and on top of it your feeling useless because you are the one with the problems. i understand this as its how i feel, i feel as if im denying dh of something he deserves to have and that someone else could probably give him
on top of this he ups and leaves whenever suits, what would happen if you have a baby and he cant handle the stress of it?

i told dh how i felt and he has been so much more supportive when i stopped talking opks, oving and cervix, i explained how much it meant to have his child and to go through it together, not on my own

he is now the one who reminds me to take tablets and do opks, wierd things men, i really hope you manage to sort it out i just find it unfair that you are the one to carry all the stress of it while oh gets to go and have fun without thought for you

hope i havnt made that sound insulting to your oh because its not how its meant xx

 

[lynne192]

not insulting at all i know what you mean, we don't live together and he says things would be less stressful if we did have a baby not more its everything thats going on but i don;t really know whats happeneing with him etc, i think he might be aiming for someone else but i might be just jumping to things there because my emotions

 

[bumski]

aww hun your emotions are so up and down its not suprising all sorts of things are going through your head, i understand how depressing ttc can get and lots of blokes dont always understand just how much it does affect you as a woman
perhaps this is his way of dealing with it in the short term, but long term i really do think it will help you and your self esteem to know that he is there for you, lots of people dont understand how infertility makes you feel and i think he is probably the one person who you need to feel secure with
i really hope you can sort it out, having something else to focus on like you mentioned christmas is probably a really good idea, perhaps give yourselves 1 month off ttc and spend it as a couple, having sex for fun, doing things together just to take the pressure off the relationship and enjoy your time together, tablets and opks will still be there next month and to be honest it could be what you need
i know how hard it is to do that but me and dh came to the point at the beggining of the year that we had to for our relationship, we had a fantastic time just being us
the decisions you make have to be for you, i just hope you can sort it out together xx

 

[lynne192]

yeah will see we have kinda stopped having sex not sure when i will see him next i have the dentist on wednesday so be sedated and unable to talk or do anything wednesday or thursday. just sooo tired at the moment came back to mine on sunday daytime and been dealing with the dog and james the whole time since then the dog has s**t and peed everywhere when though he's potty trained and getting my shopping today was a utter nightmare i never got any sleep last night either because dog kept me away, my son slept right through but woke early because stupid dog was barking. decided to gut my whole house and sell almost everything i am just sick and tired of everything really just wanna run away

 

[bumski]

hun you sound extremely low at the minute and your obviously very tired, could oh not have the dog so you could get yourself an early night, i think you have a lot of pressure at the minute, i dont mean to be sounding like a doctor or anything its just i can relate to how you feel as i have been feeling the same since mc, i am very lucky though that i can tell dh, i am worried about you, will pm you

 

[lynne192]

hey hun sadly we don't live anywhere near each other takes about 2+hours to get here from his.... so he wont be jumping through anytime soon, plus as said he's not really talking to me atm

 

[fluffystar]

Hi hunni, just wanted to check that you were doing ok. Distance relationships are never easy. Ours started off 100 miles apart and we had a whole load of things to sort before getting to where we are now such as new jobs, new houses, getting married.

If you arent even close geographically and you are planning a wedding and TTC its no wonder that you are feeling the pressure. Are you planning on living together soon? That was our biggest hurdle!!

xx

 

[lynne192]

hey hun we're not in a LDR we live in the same town and only about 15miles max a part its just we don't drive and there is no direct bus to mine from his so have to go throw main town and then back again its stupid but it takes just less than 2hours on a good day...

if that makes sense when we're on good terms we spend days at a time together he will stay at mine so many nights then i might stay at his a few nights, but sometimes we have time apart. we're planning on getting one house for the both of us in jan 2012, but until then we have two houses lol...

the presure has nothing to do with the distance if nothing that actually helps because means we can be apart and give each other proper space.

 

[fluffystar]

Ahh, I see, thats a bit clearer xx

 

[lynne192]

yeah lol thanks for all your help we're trying to sort things out and get time to ourselves without putting to much strain on things,not slept in a few days but we're hoping to get there, sadly got my period other night so that was kinda gutting for me