Tired and feeling like a failure...

[bekkie]

I really just need to vent...

Almost 8 months in... we still have no routine, Bobby still doesn't sleep through the night.. last night I managed to get him down at 12:30, he was up at 2, 3, 4, 4:10, 4:30 and then up until 6:30 when I gave in and brought him in to bed so I could get a couple hours of sleep. My MIL has criticized the fact that I still feed him on demand (as she puts it.. "he just snacks all day and never gets a good feed") and that I don't let him cry it out. I just can't stand listening to him cry... my OH has started asking when we'll just let him cry himself to sleep, and I can't answer that... because I had never wanted to do it, but I feel like I'm losing my mind... I snap at my OH all the time, I end up storming out of the bedroom at least once during the night because I don't get any sleep at all... Bobby doesn't seem to want solids all of a sudden so I don't know if he's waking up constantly because he's hungry or what... I'm just at a loss... I love my LO more than anything but I can't help but feel that I'm just not cut out for this and I don't know what to do to make things start working right..

I'm sorry... this is long winded and probably pretty pointless.. I just needed to get it out...

Does anyone have any success stories where they didn't let their LO CIO and they eventually started sleeping through the night?

 

[Nimyra]

I'm sorry you are having a rough time. It sounds like he might be hungry... maybe if you can get your supply up and encourage him to nurse for longer periods of time that might help. Or supplement his feedings.

I am not a believer in crying it out, but The Baby Whisperer suggests an alternative -- pick up LO when he cries and soothe him, then when he's calm, put him back to bed (awake) - repeat. It will take many repetitions but LO will get the idea that it is time to sleep, without you leaving him crying.

 

[Bumpontherun]

Hey I'm not sure I have any great advice for you but wanted to say we also don't have a set routine ( although things do tend to happen around the same time most days). I also feed on demand and I offer boob loads during the day to try to fill Helen up for the night - clearly didn't work tonight though since I'm up feeding at 2am!! Helen still doesn't sleep through. Also the last month has been absolute hell with her only dropping back to 1 or no night feeds in the last week. I think it's been because she's learning to crawl, she's been really unsettled and often wakes up on all fours in her cot. Nothing I did, including leaving her to cry, helped during this period, I think she just had to come through it herself and all of a sudden it was like something just clicked in her brain and she started sleeping really well.

We have used the sleepsense program in the past. This involved allowing her to cry but sitting in the room to comfort het whilst doing so. This was how she learned to self settle. It was really hard though. Do you have a bedtime routine? We have a really set bedtime routine whatever happens during the day with tea, bath, boob and bed at 7:30 - I think the routine really helps her to sleep well. Also is he still in your room? I wonder if him seeing you/ hearing you is stimulating him more. Helen sleeps in her own room and we have stopped using the baby monitor as I wa getting up for every snuffle, I wake up if she cries but I don't hear the stuff I don't need to. Also I do a ten minute rule where if she wakes up I wait 10 mins even if she is crying as often she will resettle.

I'm sure lots of babies learn to sleep without crying. Whatever was going on with Helen for the last 4 weeks was not helped by crying and had resolved spontaneously. Sorry this reply is a bit garbled I just want you to know I so know how you're feeling and it will get better. If you feel driven to some sort of sleep training then I really recommend sleepsense - there's a support group in the lounge area. I'm off back to bed now. Hopefully that's her til morning. Big this won't last forever.

 

[bekkie]

Em - I know it isn't my supply, it's very well established and the amount he eats doesn't seem to make him sleep any better, including when he was taking solids well. But thank you for the advice on the baby whisperer - I will look in to it.

Bump - Thank you I'll take a look for that thread. He doesn't sleep in our room, except in the morning after OH goes to work I will co-sleep with him because it's the only way I get any sleep, which I'm sure isn't actually helping any. We don't have a fixed night routine, but we're going to start one to see if it will help, heck, it can't get any worse than it is now lol. Hope you're able to sleep now until morning!

I think the hardest part is now my OH and I are slowly no longer being a united force, him questioning how we're doing things is making me doubt myself.

 

[PepsiChic]

i find that my LO doesnt have a routine with when he feeds and for how long, but I EBM for his 3pm feed as i express about 4 ozs for that feed he takes most of it and then sleeps through to 7 or 8pm. I believe this long nap halfway through the day is what helps him sleep through the night (his bedtime is midnight becuse we work nights)

sometimes a big feed helps them sleep, maybe try expressing for a bedtime feed and give him that, a full tummy always seems to be a good thing when it comes to a baby and sleeping!

 

[bekkie]

I'll give that a shot last night was a bit better but I think he might be sitting up in his sleep and then waking himself up... last night when I put him down he was totally out, and then as soon as he was down he sat up, so I shushed him and said 'it's bedtime baby' and lied him back down and there was no fight at all he was out of it. and every time I go to get him during the night he's sitting in his crib. So maybe it'll work itself out

 

[PepsiChic]

could you maybe swaddle him? I have to swaddle my LO for his afternoon nap or he wakes himself up by putting his feet and or arms straight up in the air (which looks funny)

 

[bekkie]

not at his age, and he's always disliked it. he's a belly sleeper and he loves having his arms out.

We used to try when he was first born because he'd do the same thing (startle reflex) but as soon as he was swaddled he'd fight to get out of it.

He slept better last night... down at 10, up at 11, 2:30, 5:30, 7:30 - so we'll see if it keeps up (normally the cycle is 1 good night and then a few bad nights)

 

[Seity]

Gabriel is the same way - a belly sleeper who has always hated being swaddled. I don't feel that I will need to resort to letting him cry as eventually he will learn to sleep through when he is ready. Usually he is fed and rocked to sleep and he's only just started waking less often at night. Other babies might be able to be put down for the night to self settle, but if he's awake he always cried. He's finally getting to the point where I can sometimes put him in the crib and help him to sleep with white noise and a bit of the pick up/ put down method. He wakes a few times a night to eat. He's not waking for waking's sake and needing to be fed back to sleep, he's waking because he's hungry. I firmly believe that eventually he will sleep through and I just have to be patient, but some days it is harder than others.