Tired of being the only one tired.

[tamithomas]

Hi ladies,

Just need to vent as I'm on my third day of only having 4-6 hours of sleep spread out through the day in shifts on 2-3 hours at a time.

Bless the boyfriends heart I know it's not his fault. But it's hard not to feel resentful or I must said correctly, jealous that he gets his solid 6-7 hours of sleep consistantly and wake up refreshed even since she the LO is born. It's not fair he gets to spend time with her while being wide awake and in a good mood while I'm in a sleepless fog trying to hold on. I want to enjoy the time with her instead of crying from exhaustion.

He went back to work after 3 weeks so I have no choice but to bite my tongue when he gets to go to bed at a set hour. It's a pinch in the heart to watch the only other adult in the house have the upper hand in the sleep game when you've only been napping on and off for the passed 8 weeks. The LO has slept her 8 hours only a handful of times. Those nights while he sleeps are also very lonely. It wouldn't be so hard if I weren't stuck doing it alone. Have someone awake with me in that haze would feel better but I don't and having to kiss the bf good night every night while wanting to scream It's not fair, it's well..not fair.

He works 6 days a week so I only get one night "off". Even then I have to wake his snoring behind when she's due because he doesn't hear her. He sleeps right through her crying. And no it's not from work exhaustion as his job is not the demanding kind. He's said so himself he doesn't hear her or he does subconsciously but his brain doesn't wake him up.

He gets cranky after just one night of being tired, I can't imagine if he'd live my sleep schedule.

I can not ask either grandma's to take the LO for the night as one is retired and has medical issues so its not right to ask to do night feedings and the other works for a very demanding law firm so needs the sleep.

In short I feel alone in my surroundings in being in this lack of sleep fog. Tired of everyone saying light heartedly around me and brushing it off that tiredness is normal. It would be nice for once to hear "geeze, that sucks. It's tough" instead of always the usual it's normal or be grateful for x,y,z. I am grateful and know it's normal but the headaches, lack of physical strength and disconnection from not knowing what day or time it is because you've been up for days takes its toll.

I will be talking to the family doc tomorrow about the possibility of ppd as I have an appointment with him for the little one . I want to have that bond with the little one, but due to the exhaustion and some days even lacking the want to get out of bed feels like it's being held against me.

Thank you for listening.

 

[Sealion24]

Yes I can totally relate to this! We have 3 little ones who seem to take it in turns to get up in the night and it's always me that has to get up while my oh gets a full nights sleep in the spare room and a lie in on his day off! My second child is 2 1\2 and has never slept through the night and wakes every few hours along with my 8 week old, my eldest also wakes very early for the day. I often end up with all 3 in the bed and up until December i was also working 3 days a week. I tend to live life in a sleepy haze! No advice but you arnt alone, hope things get better soon ☺x

 

[krissie328]

Yep, same here. I can't even nap during the day because of my older child. I go back to work in a week and I just don't know if I'm gonna make it okay. I'm so exhausted and it's making me angry. My husband gets a full nights sleep and like today a 4 hour nap. I on the other hand tried to go to bed early and got woke up several times because he can't manage the children alone. I'm just so frustrated and tired and over it!

 

[Witchrose]

These kind of posts infuriate me. I hesitated responding because I feared due to my irritation, that my words would be taken the wrong way. So I preface this by saying that I write the following from a place of caring. And the first thing I want to address is that "he can't manage the children alone"- is frankly, bullshit. What you can do, he can do. He doesn't *want* to, and you're enabling.

I'm a SAH mom, my husband works. When my husband had to return to work after our son's birth, we sat down and discussed general schedules so both of us had a little time each day to ourselves for rest and recuperation. And on his days off, I also have time to go out alone for pure me-time. We are not extraordinary people. I expect any loving couple who truly respects each other to be able to sit down together and work out such things.

It does not matter if someone is a stay at home parent or combines outside work with parenting. Everyone needs and deserves their own time, their own agency.

If you are not happy with the way things are, then you must find your voices, and speak up. And if my husband, then still did not start supporting me, then I would stop supporting him. He could make his own meals, do his own laundry, and so forth.

 

[laura109]

Hi hun. I'm ten weeks in and have a toddler who has not slept through The night in months. My partner does help more than it sounds yours does but I totally sympathise. I'm a stay at home mum. The days are long. My partners put till 7.30 at night. We never get tea together. He always gets home when the bedtime routine is beginning. My daughter usually is ready for bed by then and the baby is crying. My baby son gets night time whinges and is actually crying more in the day now too. He doesn't seem entertained for long. I also get bad heads like you. Do you get the hanging behind one eye? I actually have anti sickness tablets for them now as I get nausea with them.

I totally get you on the lonely tired thing. Some days I get by fine. Other days I feel irritated and my toddlers behavior makes me want to cry. Just a simple thing like trying to get the housework done and then realising my toddlers trashed the other rooms. She's always in the babies toy box. Always trashing the living room and the kitchen. Sometimes I have mini meltdowns when I stand there and the baby is crying and my toddler is having a tantrum and I think how am I ever going to get anything done and how can I have people around when the house is so messy.

I don't really have much advice accept go out for walks. Breathe in the fresh air. Get out the house ad much as you can. Have some music on in the day that lifts your spirits. Remember it's not forever. Hopefully in a couple of months our babies will sleep better. The rubbish bit about it is I've not had sex with my oh since our son was born. Literally the kids take up the whole evening. I sometimes think when will I ever be able to be my partners girlfriend again instead of us just washing pots and putting the kids to bed and making bottles. So I hear you!! Feel free to message me if you need a talk. It really can be lonely xx

 

[whatwillbex]

These kind of posts infuriate me. I hesitated responding because I feared due to my irritation, that my words would be taken the wrong way. So I preface this by saying that I write the following from a place of caring. And the first thing I want to address is that "he can't manage the children alone"- is frankly, bullshit. What you can do, he can do. He doesn't *want* to, and you're enabling.

I'm a SAH mom, my husband works. When my husband had to return to work after our son's birth, we sat down and discussed general schedules so both of us had a little time each day to ourselves for rest and recuperation. And on his days off, I also have time to go out alone for pure me-time. We are not extraordinary people. I expect any loving couple who truly respects each other to be able to sit down together and work out such things.

It does not matter if someone is a stay at home parent or combines outside work with parenting. Everyone needs and deserves their own time, their own agency.

If you are not happy with the way things are, then you must find your voices, and speak up. And if my husband, then still did not start supporting me, then I would stop supporting him. He could make his own meals, do his own laundry, and so forth.

So agree with this^^^^ I’m at home and my partner does the same as me. We are a team. We both wanted kids so we will both do it together.
It’s so important you get some descent rest and look after yourself and get some head space. It sounds like you have coped amazingly this far I wouldn’t have haha total momma respect to you! X

 

[sevenofnine]

These kind of posts infuriate me. I hesitated responding because I feared due to my irritation, that my words would be taken the wrong way. So I preface this by saying that I write the following from a place of caring. And the first thing I want to address is that "he can't manage the children alone"- is frankly, bullshit. What you can do, he can do. He doesn't *want* to, and you're enabling.

I'm a SAH mom, my husband works. When my husband had to return to work after our son's birth, we sat down and discussed general schedules so both of us had a little time each day to ourselves for rest and recuperation. And on his days off, I also have time to go out alone for pure me-time. We are not extraordinary people. I expect any loving couple who truly respects each other to be able to sit down together and work out such things.

It does not matter if someone is a stay at home parent or combines outside work with parenting. Everyone needs and deserves their own time, their own agency.

If you are not happy with the way things are, then you must find your voices, and speak up. And if my husband, then still did not start supporting me, then I would stop supporting him. He could make his own meals, do his own laundry, and so forth.

Agree- my OH does sooo much even though he works full time and I am a SAHM/work from home.

With that being said, even though he does a LOT (and takes night duties, etc), I will say that it is harder for him to wake up in the middle of the night. I think I’m programmed to wake up to every little sound, whereas he sleeps really deeply.

You definitely need occasional breaks. It will wear anyone down too much to try to handle everything by themselves!

 

[jtink28]

absolutely agree with the above. I'm a SAHM, and my husband works. He considers raising the boys when he's gone my "job." We both have day jobs, and when we come home, we split kid duty 50/50. We share, we cooperate, we talk about our issues, and we support each other. Every day when my DH gets home at 5pm, I leave the house. I either go to the gym, go to the store or just do whatever I like for an hour or so. DH feeds them dinner, plays with them and bathes them, and I'm home for bedtime. He gets free time the same as I do. When the boys wake up at night, we share the duty of getting up with them. It's a partnership. Any man who thinks raising kids is "women's work" isn't worth his weight. Talk to your significant other, tell him your concerns, and see if he will help. He needs to. And please remember, when he's taking care of your child, he's not "helping" you or "babysitting." He's being a FATHER.

 

[jessmke]

I really struggled for my daughter's first year, she was up every 2-3 hrs at night until she finally slept a solid 15 hrs when she was a year old. My kids are breastfed so it was always me who gets up at night with the baby, because really what is my husband going to do, sit there and hold my boob while the baby feeds? Although I knew logically it made sense for me to get up with the baby since I was at home and breastfeeding and he had to get up for work in the morning, that doesn't do much for the resentment that builds in the middle of the night. My OH works Mon-Thurs, so Fri-Sun he gets up with the kids in the morning and I get to sleep in as long as I like (and since the baby was born he gets up with my toddler if she wakes in the night). It means he has never had a sleep in for over two years, but I haven't had solid night sleep in over two years so it all evens out in the end! I remember crying at night because I dreaded going to bed knowing that I would be up 5-8 times through the night with my daughter, I felt like she was torturing me and it honestly felt easier to just try to stay awake than to get woken up 15 min after falling asleep. My only advice is that you will get used to the sleep deprivation. I felt like it was the most horrible thing in the world when my daughter was little, but then I got used to it. By the time she finally started sleeping through at a year old I was pregnant with her brother and up constantly at night to pee, and now my boy is 8 months old and has never slept more than a 6 hour stretch and honestly I function pretty darn well on the little sleep I get. It's a sad way to look at it, but you will adapt. But I totally understand that knowing it will get better doesn't really help in that moment when you feel like your baby is torturing you and your husband is just snoring away while you sit there crying and hating him a little bit. Hang in there, and definitely talk to your doctor if you are worried about PPD.

 

[CRWx]

Honestly, I think your OH needs a kick up the arse and to get his priorities straight.

He may work but he is also a DAD. Not waking up to her crying is a total cop out IMO, sounds like he takes the stance of ‘I work all week so I don’t need to look after the baby’ and you’ve got the do everything because he works. Parenting as a couple is a two way street- it should be equal regardless of how much he works

You said you know it’s normal but this isn’t, he should be having his child and letting you have a rest too, it’s just the way it works.