To doula or not to doula?

[Tacey]

I am being a bit premature in planning this I suppose, but I'm considering hiring a doula for the birth. My DH, while wonderful in many respects, spent my last labour exhausted, terrified, and mute. He was quite traumatised by the whole thing (a straightforward waterbirth!) and although he wants to be with me for this birth, he admits he doesn't expect to be much good at emotional support. He's also happy to go along with the choices I research and make, but he's not interested in looking into it himself, so if I need an advocate he'd struggle to stand up to the midwives.

We're planning a homebirth, so I'm hoping he can feel useful making tea and filling the pool, and even taking some time out if he needs it, but i think I'm going to need encouragement from someone, and although my midwives were amazing last time, I can't rely on it.

Has anyone hired a doula? Do they help support your birthing partner too? I worry that he'll be overlooked, as he needs support as well. If I did get one, when would be the best time to book her? Do you need time to get to know them? I feel a bit odd about relying on a stranger for emotional support.

Sorry for the essay there!

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I'm thinking the same. My partner is very much behind the whole natural birth thing and was great at Ruby's birth, but we were at a birth centre then (lived in different area) and I knew I could trust the MWs 120% not to push me into going hospital unless it was totally necessary, etc. So OH could just support me 100% and not worry about MWs possibly doing things I didn't want. However, here, I've just not got the same confidence in the MWs (seem very keen to persuade me to use the hospital MLU rather than home, been told on a number of issues that I 'have' to do this that or the other) so in the absence of the funds to pay an IM I would like to find a doula. Ooops it would seem I'm 26 weeks already and I hope that is not too late! Hope someone else can be more helpful but I definitely think a doula is a good idea from what you've said.

 

[Guppy051708]

I recommend a doula to anyone ...but im bias because i am one
With that said, i think ALL couples can benefit from a doula. A doula is there for the entire unit- the mother, the father, and the baby. She will act in a way to assist the mother and the father, but not hinder any experiences or invovlement the couple have with one another before, during, and after the birth. She will help your DH help you, and she may even help your dh if he is feeling a certain way or he needs physical support, like something to eat or drink. It really depends on the doula, but the way i work is helping the entire family unit, obviously mom is usually the most of that, but i work torwards unity and comfort for all Even during a homebirth, doulas can do some awesome things, in fact, sometimes i think they are more free to help out than if in the hospital setting

 

[tbaby]

I recommend one. This is my first birth with one.. it will be great extra support

 

[Mervs Mum]

Unlike a mw who's focus is obviously clinical and on mother-baby a doula is there for the family as a whole and all their emotional and practical needs. Research actually shows that men participate with confidence and feel more involved when they have a doula and she ensures he's not overlooked. Like Guppy I'm biased but wanted to just say as a doula I support mum and dad in different way but in equal measures.

Its not too early to start looking. Ive just been interviewed by a second time mum who is 11 weeks along and had a doula first time round so wants to get in quick before they're all booked! Over just been booked by a 14 week along couple and in the past I've had mums almost 42 weeks book me! So theres no right or wrong time to start looking for 'the one' but I guess the earlier you do those more support you have along the whole journey and more options in terms of who is already booked. Take the time to make contact with - few doulas so you can find the one who fits you and your hubby perfectly

 

[Tacey]

Thanks all! I think quite a few doulas attend my local homebirth group, which I think I'll start going to in the next few weeks. It might be a good chance to get an idea of who I click with without feeling any obligation. DH has gone from being very suspicious to quite keen on the idea, so I think it would be worth pursuing. Thanks for the advice, especially from the ladies who are doulas!

 

[Laughing Girl]

I think a doula can be a huge support, before, during and after your birth. That said, I did have one for Isla, and was unhappy with our experience. Labour was so quick both her and the midwives were only here for 2 hours and I really felt that she did nothing much tbh. I am sure that that is just my experience of one particular doula though and think it is a shame that for us, it happened like that.

 

[Mervs Mum]

I think a doula can be a huge support, before, during and after your birth. That said, I did have one for Isla, and was unhappy with our experience. Labour was so quick both her and the midwives were only here for 2 hours and I really felt that she did nothing much tbh. I am sure that that is just my experience of one particular doula though and think it is a shame that for us, it happened like that.

That's a shame but also something I've heard before I just recently doulaed for a couple who had the same complaint with their first birth but with a much longer labour. Fortunately it didn't put them off and they knew they wanted a doula again the second time. I'm thrilled to say they were really happy with the kind if support they got this time round

That's great that you can get a feel for some of the doulas at home birth group don't ever feel obliged just by meeting or calling a few or limit it to those you happen to bump into at group. We are all really happy to talk to and meet parents and there's no competition or pressure to book -well certainly not amongst the doulas I work alongside. We are just pleased people know the support is there should they want it and also really happy when families find their perfect support, even if that's not us specifically!

 

[Guppy051708]

Im sorry you had that experience laughing girl

 

[goddess25]

I really liked the idea of a doula first time around. We researched doulas in our area, met a few and then booked one. She pulled out 4 weeks before the birth due to a family death and at first I was upset but when labour happened, I totally realised that I really didn't need one. I think I would have felt like she was in the way and I was really happy that it was just my husband and I.

I think for a lot of women its a great idea, but I was glad that in the end I had not paid a lot of money for one and was happy with my experience.

 

[angiepie]

I will always recommend a doula. But I am a doula in training, so I wonder why I might say that? But really, there are way more benefits to hiring one than to not hiring one. If you'd like more detailed information you can PM me and I can share information with you that I've been learning in my course about the benefits of doulas. Good luck with whatever you decide, though!

 

[cranberry987]

definitely! i found mine so supportive through my pregnancy too, i contracted her around 10w as im due at xmas and wanted to nab someone.

 

[IzzyAnt88]

DO IT! I could not have had a natural birth without my doula. I ended up laboring mostly at home and when I got to the hospital I was already at 10CM. If I didn't have my doula I'm not sure at what point I would have gone to the hospital because I didn't think I was that far along. It was good that I was in the hospital because I tore pretty badly and bled ALOT.

 

[freeyansi]

. This is my first birth with one

 

[madasa]

I had a doula at neither of my births, but if I could go back and do over, I absolutely would - FOR BOTH. If I had any more children, I absolutely would have a doula.

Knowing what I know now, (about birth and the role of a doula) I KNOW that I want the kind of support that I am giving other women.

 

[Guppy051708]

Sort of alluded to this once, but basically...i AM a doula and i WANT a doula

 

[modo]

I have hired a doula this time round and she has really helped already. My nearest hospital was full and no one bothered tell me until I called my GP. They sent my papers to next nearest hospital who were undecided about me because I am outside catchment area. I kept calling them but no one ever picked the phone. So Doula had me show up with my toddler around the time he gets grumpy. cue meltdown and got seen quickly. About a week later got a booking date then scan date.

During Bobby's birth I got bullied by my midwife and wasn't allowed to leave their bed the entire time because the monitoring equipment didn't work in any other postion.