To stop or not, feeling guilty:(

[angel2010]

I have been breastfeeding just about a year now. I know I will make it to a year, being that it is so close. I have not been able to lose any of my baby weight and in fact have gained weight since having her. I am ready to get my body back and try to lose weight, and just enjoy having it all to myself again. But, I get so sad when I think about stopping. I feel so selfish. She still nurses about 4 times a day, sometimes 5. She already gets formula before bed (along with a tiny nurse before the bottle) and through the night when she wakes up, which is usually 1-2 times. We don't really have the extra money to do formula all through the day (although we would spend it if we had to). So anyway, if I stopped nursing, I think we would try to do whole milk. And it makes me feel bad to think of her just being cut off from all the nutrients in breastmilk and in formula. Does that make sense even? Anyhow, I am not sure what I am really wanting to know or hear. I just can't seem to make a decision on what I want to do!!!

 

[purplecupcake]

Why would you need to stop to get back into shape?

 

[patch2006uk]

WHO advises BFing until age 2. The second year of breastfeeding can cover off so much panic about what they're eating and how much. If you can keep going, I personally think you should. The feeds will reduce more over the next year. LO will be so completely different by this time next year. I don't think I will ever regret continuing to feed, but I might well regret stopping too early.

It's got to be whatever you're happy with, but know that the evidence is really strong for continuing after age 1 x

 

[Maxy1]

My body is the same as yours. While BFing DS I could not get back to my pre pre go size and weight. And I am finding the same with DD now.

I think if you want to stop then you should do so slowly. That way if you change your mind you can stop where you are at. So aim to drop a feed every couple of weeks.

i got most of my weight off when I was down to 1 or 2 feeds a day, but truly only got back to 'normal' when I stopped. And tbh I felt much stronger (mentally and physically) when I stopped. Bfing really affected my energy levels. So when I stopped with DS I had loads more energy to spend on and with him.

we continued with formula until DS was nearly 2.5 because he has CMPI and had developed food aversion. But you can use a multivitamin supplement or omega oils supplement in the milk if you are concerned about intake.

Don't feel guilty at all. You have done an amazing job!! Most women don't get to one year. so pat yourself on the back and look forward to all the fun times ahead for you and your LO!! So many milestones ahead.

 

[angel2010]

I can't seem to drop any of the weight while I am breastfeeding.
And Maxy, I am so tired a lot. I just put it to having two kids and a busy life, but maybe it contributes?
I am pretty depressed right now with my body and my self esteem is at an all time low. My husband and I have basically no sex life. I don't feel attractive and don't even really want him to touch me. He is great with telling me I am beautiful and stuff. I am just miserable in myself right now and I hate what I see in the mirror.
Those are the biggest factors of why I want to stop. But even though those are big reasons, I still feel selfish .

 

[angel2010]

You have done an amazing job!! Most women don't get to one year. so pat yourself on the back and look forward to all the fun times ahead for you and your LO!! So many milestones ahead.

And thank you for that. I only ever get "when are you planning to stop?" and things like that, so it is nice to hear.

 

[Maxy1]

And Maxy, I am so tired a lot. I just put it to having two kids and a busy life, but maybe it contributes?
I am pretty depressed right now with my body and my self esteem is at an all time low. My husband and I have basically no sex life. I don't feel attractive and don't even really want him to touch me. He is great with telling me I am beautiful and stuff. I am just miserable in myself right now and I hate what I see in the mirror.
Those are the biggest factors of why I want to stop. But even though those are big reasons, I still feel selfish .

I totally understand where you are at, I felt similarly after DS. As I said my energy levels increased when I stopped and with that so did my interest in DH cos I was actually awake enough and felt good about everything. I really loved BFing DS and wouldn't change a thing but I stopped when I felt I needed to for me and it was the right thing to do.

Just do what feels right for you and it will be the right decision

 

[EcoMama]

I kinda know how you're feeling. DD is 1 next week and is an absolute booby monster..... atleast 4 feeds during day, on/off me constantly from 7-10 in the eve. Then atleast 3 feeds at night. There is no other way of settling her at night, she screams bloody murder!

I have no real intention of stopping anytime soon due to how she is, but although I have no trouble with weight, I do find that my energy can be drained sometimes..... I've found spatone has helped But my libido is none existent. I would like that back!

I think I'm going to gradually cut down between now and 18 months. Don't feel guilty, 1yr is a massive achievement. The WHO are a WORLD health org, and due to 80% of the world population being under developed and malnutritioned, this is the reason they recommend up to 2yrs breastfeeding.

 

[melfy77]

DD2 is only 9 months, but she is a boob monster!!! During the day, but mostly at night. I`m planning on going back to school in January so it`ll be harder for the day feed, but I am not planning on stopping the night feeds, and some day feeds, depending on my schedule. But yeah it makes me tired as well (and my oldest knows how to keep my busy). I actually have the opposite problem; I lost too much weight and can`t put anything on, so I`m hoping that it`ll get better when she turns 1.

 

[patch2006uk]

Yes the WHO is for the world, but it's a myth that breastfeeding is somehow less beneficial just because we're more affluent in the west. We're all humans.

 

[Maxy1]

Yes the WHO is for the world, but it's a myth that breastfeeding is somehow less beneficial just because we're more affluent in the west. We're all humans.

I don't think she was saying that. She was simply saying that WHO recommendations are not only based on westernised countries with constant and reliable access to clean drinking water and hygienic formula options, but also for countries that don't have that, so if they don't BF then the child gets no extra nutrition other than solids, hence the recommendation to BF for two years, if possible.

This shouldn't be an argument about the pro's and con's of BFing. The OP was looking for some support to stop if she wanted to. She has been successful at it and now might want to stop. I think she has done a great job and by far the mothers' mental, emotional and physical health is more important than how she feeds her baby.

 

[EcoMama]

Yes the WHO is for the world, but it's a myth that breastfeeding is somehow less beneficial just because we're more affluent in the west. We're all humans.

I understand that, I just didn't want OP feeling guilty for stopping when she wants too, or before 2yrs as her baby will still be getting his nutritional needs from other sources now x

 

[angel2010]

Yes, thank you ladies for all your comments. I do feel as if I am leaning towards stopping in the next month or so. My goal was to get to one and I am immensely proud of making it this far. I do feel extremely guilty for wanting to stop for selfish reasons (like losing weight and gaining my energy back) when I know she enjoys it and that it is still so good for her though.

 

[EcoMama]

Not purely selfish...... Having a mum at healthy weight is a great role model for a young girl, as is having lots of energy.... It means you'll be loads more fun

 

[Ganton]

I fed my first for 9 months and now DS2 is 7 months old, and I feel really proud that I've got then both comfortably past 6 months on breastmilk. I'm sure there are continued benefits of extended breastfeeding, but I'd be over the moon if I get to 1 year with DS2. If stopping breastfeeding means that you are happier in yourself and you have more energy to help LOs development in other areas, then that will also be of benefit to your LO.

 

[purplecupcake]

You can workout and eat healthy while breastfeeding.

 

[angel2010]

Yes, I am well aware of that. Not all women are the same and for some women it is harder to lose weight while breastfeeding. Some women's bodies hold on to the extra weight/calories in case they are needed. Why don't you look into it, there are thousands of women that struggle to lose weight while breastfeeding and can't yet seem to lose fairly easily after they stop and their hormones regulate.
Pretty silly to make such an obvious statement. Of course I know I can diet and exercise while breastfeeding.

 

[Springflower]

I completely understand. I put on a huge amount of weight whilst breastfeeding and I was permanently exhausted. I stopped at about 8 months. Yes I felt a bit guilty but my lo was fine and wasn't worried about the transition at all. Looking back I'm happy that I stopped. I've given her a great start and i'm now getting my body back.

To the lady who posted saying you can exercise, well yes you can but some woman just can't shift the weight whilst bfing. I was one of those.

Op most important is to do what you are comfortable with. My only negative was that for some reason my lo started feeding a lot more during the night when we switched and I didn't enjoy the faffing with bottles and having to wake up properly to feed.

x

 

[angel2010]

Emma already gets a bottle of formula at bed time and then through the night she gets formula, so I know night time won't really be an adjustment for us and I know she already takes formula and a bottle fine. She does get breast milk all day though. and I do feed her at bed time before her bottle, but she is only latched maybe 3 minutes.

Another sad part is that when she falls down or something and is crying, she comes to me to lift my shirt to comfort nurse. It would make be so sad if she did that and I had to deny her because I stopped.

 

[annio84]

Happy mum = happy baby. If you believe that BF is what is causing you to feel the way you do then give yourself a massive pat on the back - 1 year is a huge achievement - and then stop feeling guilty about wanting to stop. BF is great and we all know there are benefits to extended BF but it's not the only thing that contributes to your childs wellbeing. If you're worried about cutting off the nutrients then maybe pull back slowly? It doesn't have to be a sudden stop.

Many days I think to myself wouldn't it be nice to wear a proper bra and not have to build an extra half hour into a day when the ward is crazy, and noone else even has time to use the loo, so I can express. Wouldn't it be nice if I could stop just feeling like a baby factory and feel attractive. I'm sure there are a lot of women here who totally relate these feelings. For me I still come down on the side that the benefts outweigh the negatives but that could change. I'm sure I'll be sad if it does, and maybe even feel guilty, but when the time comes I hope I'll be able to look on the time I have fed for as a huge achievement and know that it's the right thing.