To wait or not to wait.......... dilemma, advice needed

[Laurenj22]

Hi

Thank you in advance

x

 

[atiekay]

Unfortunately, I don't really have any good advice. Just wanted to chime in and say you aren't alone. A friend of mine has been having trouble getting pregnant with her first and recently had a loss. DH and I kind of started NTNP before we knew about this. We are now considering putting it off for a month or so. I have gone back and forth: they wouldn't want us to wait because of their situation vs. how selfish am I to think of myself when what they have experienced is so fresh. DH and I don't have any kids, so I have also been throwing in the fact that we may not have an easy time conceiving either.

I really don't think you are over thinking the whole situation, then again I might be just saying that because I am doing exactly the same thing. Also, if the timing is right for you all right now, I think that your friend may understand.

 

[lilmisscaviar]

I understand where you are coming from. I, too, have had second thoughts before TTC a third live baby. Unfortunately my last two pregnancies ended at 7/8 weeks before it was discovered I had a bad uterine infection that needed taking care of before getting pregnant again and so I still have yet to get my third child.

I did announce my last pregnancy to friends and family, only to be bashed for having another baby when we already had one of each. I was not deciding to get pregnant because I was ungrateful of what I had or that I wanted to replace the two we already have. It is simply because my husband and I always wanted a big family. I wasn't doing it out of spite or to be selfish. After I lost the baby that I had announced was on the way, telling everyone what had happened.

Well then my cousin, whom I'm close to, ended up having to get a hysterectomy after developing uterine cancer. I am thankful the cancer didn't spread but at the same time, I know how bad she wanted children and had the privilege taken away from her in the blink of an eye. She was also due to get married soon. It was horribly sad. I feel like me getting pregnant again may spite her after all she's been through and when I tell her this she said it is my life. She said: "If you want 10 kids you have my full support. We need some more kids in the family."

In truth, it is your choice. Nobody else's. I would say if you feel it is the best time, it doesn't matter what the others think. If they are true friends, they will cherish this time with you and understand that you are going through one of the best times of your life. If now is the best time to extend your family, I wouldn't wait.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you choose

 

[Raven8769]

Not to sound insensitive but it is your family your relationship I for one wouldn't be weighing my options on trying based on someone else's heartache. That is like me and my man saying maybe we shouldn't have kids cuz our best friend robin can't have children. She really can't Her dog peanut is her child. And peanut mom pearl was too. Sadly pearl passed away 6 monthsago. To her it was like losing a child. I guess you have to ask yourself if you want to have another baby. I think considering what she is going through be mindful on how and what you say on that subject so as not to upset her but I wouldn't be debating whether to wait all because a friend is trying and having difficulties.

 

[fairycat]

I'm with Raven, I wouldn't let anybody else prevent me from trying if I really wanted to. True friends will be happy for you, not hate you for it. I do understand where you are coming from though. It's really up to you, nobody can make the decision for you. Good luck!

 

[MrsBroodyPant]

Hi,

I understand where you are coming from. I spent a long time ttc and was upset when my friends were having babies and onto their second babies etc.. One thing I knew was my problems weren't anyone else's fault and other people shouldn't change their lives to suit me. I've now got a beautiful baby and am very happy. You need to live your life. Good luck x