To WTT or TTC?

[MelliPaige]

My son is nearly two and I wanted the sibling age gap between two and three. My husband is ready, but I'm scared this time around. With my first I was so sure! But now, my son is a handful and still need me so much, I love being able to spoil and keep my full attention on him..and I love our relationship. I feel like having another would split the attention and hurt our relationship. I'm also scared because our financial goals from before Leo still haven't been met, actually we finally got back on track after multiple job losses and I'm scared were gonna get back to that point while I'm at home with the new baby. Also, I took over a year off work with my son and now I have a job I love and I feel like I have to choose between that and a relationship with my newborn.I just feel so insecure about the decision this time around...

Any advice? Or anyone want to tell me to just do it? Lol

 

[kksy9b]

I completely understand the feelings of not wanting to have a second that impacts your relationship with your first. I am definitely feeling the same way! But I just remember how effortlessly my DS fit into our family and our hearts, even though we were so nervous about the unknown with it. I am trusting that the next one will fit in the same way. Not much advice about it since I haven't had to go through it yet, but love isn't finite... you aren't having to take from Leo to give to the new baby, your heart will just grow. And I'm sure there will be an adjustment period with Leo but kids are resilient and he will adjust.

As for the job, in my opinion, even if it's a job you love, in the end-it's just a job. There are lots of great ones out there and if you have to give it up another will come along. With that, if you aren't comfortable with where you are financially yet, I would say to wait a bit longer until you feel less stressed about it.

Best of luck hun. I don't think you would regret trying now, but for your own peace of mind, maybe give it a couple more months and then revisit?

 

[xstitcher87]

Perhaps the age gap isn't as important? Will a 3 or 4 year age gap make a huge difference? When you're little a 3-4 or even 5 year age gap seems HUGE, but TBH, once you're in your 20's, the age gap doesn't seem as big really.

I am closest with my brother who is 4.5 years my junior (just for context of my opinon). There is nothing wrong with waiting and just getting in the right headspace. But you will love that baby just as much as you love your first (every mum of more than 1 says this, and I've observed it for myself), my mum has 5 of us and she really does love us all equally (even if we're not always treated equally, lol).

Whatever decision you make, will be the right one Just go with what you feel, I know that isn't particularly helpful advice!

 

[stefdan]

I would say just follow your heart. I won't deny the age gap is important, but the relationship between siblings really depends on the background they grow (parenting, education, family...etc.) I also think having another baby at this time can teach your son to become a big brother- share love. However, this is only my opinion, it's your decision, so you got to do the thing you think is right now.

As for the job, I wouldn't think it's a big problem, because if the position is yours, there's no chance you will lose it.

 

[lilmisscaviar]

Hun, these thoughts are completely normal for any mother who has had one or more children, thinking about adding adding a new child to the family or not. I had exactly the same concerns as you: the relationship between DH and I, the relationship between siblings and if we could even afford another child.

For us the age gap was never even thought about because I found out that I was pregnant again with our second only 3-4 months after giving birth to my first due to BC failure (really my fault because I have a difficult time remembering to take pills everyday and I was bf my DD at the time so other BC options weren't open to me). It was hard, to say the last, because my DD was so young and needy. It was hard because she couldn't even walk yet so I was often times carrying around two babies instead of one lol. I think where you're at right now is a good age gap in my honest opinion, but again the choice is yours.

As to your job, I could imagine that it would be tough deciding about whether you should keep this job that you like or risk having to give it up for maternity leave. I would maybe talk to someone at your work about your intentions and that you may need maternity leave at some point. Sometimes if you let them know beforehand they can prepare for when the time comes and might be able to hire a temporary person while you're gone.

 

[MelliPaige]

My fertile window begins today, according to my period app...and I'm still on the fence. The job I have is actually temporary but I'm in the running for a full time position. Also I have a bad insurance plan compared to #1 so I'm gonna see how much a doctors visit will be monthly and get some other things together and make the decision. I really welsh I could have someone to tell me that everything worked out and to go for it..but we would need a time traveler for that

 

[Sophiejash]

Hi, it's so natural to have concerns. We all have them but your heart would definitely grow to love another and when it's here you won't care about the rest of your concerns, even if it does get difficult at times because your love both children so much you wouldn't change having them at all. We're trying for our second, in fact I lost our second two weeks ago and although I never met him or her and don't know anything about what he/she would grow up to become or the cuddles we'd have I already feel like I failed them and like I have a whole which will never heal. Your life has already had the biggest change it'll ever have in changing for your first, it'll just adjust to the second.
If you don't feel right now though please wait, you'll feel more certain in time xx

 

[MelliPaige]

Thank you so much for that, and in sorry for your loss. I made a list of my biggest concerns and were gonna try and knock a few of them out and revisit the issue next month.