I cant believe its finally here. This is the day i should have been giving birth to my beautiful baby. This is the day i should have been saying hello. This is the day i should have been able so touch and smell and feel my baby. This is the day i should have held by baby close. This is the day my partner had been waiting for all his life. This is the day i should have seen pride and joy on his parents face's.This is the day i should be happiest.
"Should" being one of those words with so many meanings.
Instead im left here feeling total and utter sadness. I have nothing to show for my months of tears and heart ache. I would have given anything to have been allowed to keep my baby. But god or some other terrible force decided that my baby wasnt to be.
I so wish i had my baby today. I think of how my baby would be. In my dreams iv played this day for so long. Iv dreamed of my babies face. Iv dreamed of holding my baby too.
Im going to the cemetery soon to put down a 2ft teddy bear of flowers i got made up. Its not my babies grave but its my partners brothers grave, my other halfs parents have said i could put flowers there so i have some where to go today. The teddy looks very pretty with its white and yellow flowers. I hope where ever my Angel baby is they know im thinking of them today and that my Angel baby like the flowers?
I got a little card to sign aswel. Though its not big enough to put what i want to say on it. I might just make its simple like.
" I miss you my Angel baby. Love Mummy and Daddy xxx
or
" Angel baby, i miss you and carry you for always is my heart, love Mummy and Daddy.xxx"
Just needed to come on and have a moan as today has been so very much a long and unwanted day.
If only it was on better terms i had been awaiting the 17th May.
"Should" being one of those words with so many meanings.
Instead im left here feeling total and utter sadness. I have nothing to show for my months of tears and heart ache. I would have given anything to have been allowed to keep my baby. But god or some other terrible force decided that my baby wasnt to be.
I so wish i had my baby today. I think of how my baby would be. In my dreams iv played this day for so long. Iv dreamed of my babies face. Iv dreamed of holding my baby too.
Im going to the cemetery soon to put down a 2ft teddy bear of flowers i got made up. Its not my babies grave but its my partners brothers grave, my other halfs parents have said i could put flowers there so i have some where to go today. The teddy looks very pretty with its white and yellow flowers. I hope where ever my Angel baby is they know im thinking of them today and that my Angel baby like the flowers?
I got a little card to sign aswel. Though its not big enough to put what i want to say on it. I might just make its simple like.
" I miss you my Angel baby. Love Mummy and Daddy xxx
or
" Angel baby, i miss you and carry you for always is my heart, love Mummy and Daddy.xxx"
Just needed to come on and have a moan as today has been so very much a long and unwanted day.
If only it was on better terms i had been awaiting the 17th May.
