torn between toddler & newborn

[justkitty]

Ds is 19m and dd is 10days. I never bf ds so this is all new to me. As dd has ptt she doesn't latch well and feeding is a struggle. I am persevering with the occasional formula feed to save my nipples. She feeds for an hour or more at a time and I am finding it hard not spending time with my toddler.

Today my dh was outside leaving me, ds and dd together for a bit for the first ttime. It was nearly ds nap time but dd decided she wanted a feed. So I put on cbeebies for ds and latched on dd. Ds looked at us and sighed. 10 minutes later he was smashing his head against our door screaming. I felt so torn between feeding dd who takes ages and tending to ds. I know it was for attention but he was distraught.

I barely spend any time with ds as dd is on the boob nearly all the time. Special toys/snacks wtc don't work to keep ds entertained long enough. How will I cope when dh goes back to work?

It makes me cry as I feel like a rubvoshy mum as I can't seem to balance ot right. Ds is too young to understand he has to wait or to not want to demand my attention. It's hard enough coping with houra of feedinf and pain. Seriously considering swapping to ff.

 

[palmtree123]

I hear your struggles hen. does it take bubba less time to feed when offered a bottle? or is it still over the course of an hour?

bf is tiring me out too and I'm worried about coping when the hubby goes back to work, but the only thing that keeps me going is that everyone says it gets easier.

my little dude feeds little and often, but then again he may be exactly the same if ff and I don't want to risk my supply dropping to find out lol.

depends how badly you want to bf as to whether you persevere,or perhaps take each week as it comes until your oh goes back to work? if it works it works and if it doesn't it doesn't.

for me I'm happy to breastfeed for now,however I have no ideals of doing it for months, so when the time comes I'm quite happy to switch xx

 

[justkitty]

I'm taking it a day at a time. Ff is much quicker. So its tempting but I want to persevere a tad longer while dh is home.

 

[QueenMummyToBe]

I can totally relate to how you feel!
I have dd (4 and a half) ds (2 and a half) and dd2 5 weeks old.

Dd2 feeds for a loooong time (especially in the evening for hours & hours) i have found using a wrap to keep dd close means i have my hands free to get them to bed, do bathtime, meals, housework etc

Definitely get help with your latch issues as in the end it will speed up feeding, i go to a lactation clinic once a week to get one on one help.

We also have a swing upstairs and a rocker downstairs so I always have somewhere to put dd if I dont have the wrap on, so if its ds nap time but dd needs feeding ill take dd with, put her in the swing & keep her moving whilst i sort ds.

The first weeks are so hard, even now yesterday i was so close to giving up because i was in agony but a decent sleep has made me feel much better.

Whilst your oh is off work get him to do lots of running around to make it easier for you?


X x

 

[justkitty]

I'm taking it a day at a time. Ff is much quicker. So its tempting but I want to persevere a tad longer while dh is home.

 

[Caroline:-)]

Hi hun, I was in the exact same situation as you. DS1 was 20 months when DS2 was born. I also was unable to breastfeed my eldest due to various reasons. Breastfeeding is tricky for most new mums, but when you're having to do it for the first time with a toddler to deal with too, it makes it sooo difficult. You don't have the time to spend just feeding & learning in your own time! I was lucky though, DS1 didn't seem worried about me feeding DS2 most of the time, he'd either play, watch telly or quite often come and cuddle into me I can't imagine how stressful it would have been if he'd got upset like yours... Big hugs hun... What I will say though, is that it is sure to get easier... But, you have to do what's best for you. I'm so glad I was able to breastfeed this time, I've loved it... But at the same time, I beat myself up something crazy when it didn't work the first time & I would also have been ok if I'd had to ff again. I learnt that it's far more important for mummy & baby to be happy than force something thats not working & be stressed & upset constantly - and as you'll know having ff your first, it's really not the end if the world - they still grow up happy & healthy! You just need to do what's best for you and your children. & don't let anyone tell you any different! X

 

[MommyJogger]

Can you nurse on the couch and read books with your toddler while nursing? You can have him sit next to you and turn pages while you read. Even just having him next to you for a cuddle while he's watching tv might help him feel more connected with you and the baby, or paying attention to him by having him do "errands" if he's the kind of toddler that likes to feel helpful. I think adding a sibling and balancing your attention can be difficult and tricky whether bf or ff. If you can afford a wrap or a ring sling, I found those to be the easiest to nurse in and then you can nurse and take your ds out for walks or so he doesn't feel cooped up.
Bf takes a lot of time in the beginning, but feeds will shorten dramatically and it will be much less time consuming than ff in the long run. Do you have an appt to get the ptt snipped or are you doing stretches for it?