Totally irrational baby gender fears!

[lovepurple90]

So this might sound really bad, but I'm really scared about the possibility of having a girl.

I really really really really really want a boy.

I just have this feeling that girls are nightmares as toddlers/ growing up as teenagers etc - I remember what I was like growing up. I have three brothers and I'm the only girl and although we are all super close to my mum, I find that my brothers are even closer to my mum than I am and have more of a connection which I think tends to happen more with boys and their mums, right?

I have this fear of having to do my baby girl's hair which sounds so ridiculous, but I'm Black British and doing my hair is all kinds of nightmarish let alone doing a baby girls. It's just so tough. Then I think what if my baby girl has no hair (lol) I'm literally going crazy I think.

I'm trying to think about the positives of having a girl and the only ones I can think of are very superficial - you get to choose cute baby names and you get to choose cute outfits.

I have this deluded thinking that boys are easier to deal with as they grow up. With a boy I'll be less worried about him growing up, going to school, being influenced or going out with friends, but with a girl I think I'd be too scared to let her out of my sight.

Am I totally awful for not wanting a girl? Or am I just too keen on having a boy (who of course could be totally troublesome haha)?

Does anyone else have any gender fears or am I just a total weirdo?

x x

 

[Carhar]

No, it can be totally normal. There is a gender disappointment thread as it does happen. It is a bit of a sensitive issue for some tho.

I on the other hand wanted a girl and have a daughter. After she arrived I know that whatever gender I would have felt the same. Being a mum is so precious. If I am honest the mums I'm friends with have had an easier ride so far with girls. However, regardless of gender all toddlers are difficult, lol.

I'm not sure about the connection as I only had a sister, but I am the first person my daughter runs to if she needs a cuddle.

This time I have no preference.

Wishing you the best whatever the baby's gender

 

[emeeorevan]

I have two boys and I'm actually hoping for a girl this time. My 11year old is a pain! He thinks he's 18 already! He can have quite an attitude (which he gets from me, he is so much like me that sometimes I wondered if he weren't supposed to be a girl!!) boys can be just as difficult as girls, they were difficult to potty train, have just as much a temper, and tbh I'm worried about letting him outta my sight, he is very easily influenced by his peers at times. All you can do with either gender is do your best to raise them right, teach them right from wrong, instill in them independence and love.

 

[floatingbaby]

I had wanted a boy and we got a girl - DH really wanted a girl so he was thrilled. As it turns out, little girls are an absolute dream! She just turned one and has started with tantrums as she's trying to walk and it's all new and frustrating, but my other mom friends are in exactly the same boat with their boys! I have found that the boys are rougher (with splashing and plowing into other kids and yelling) and though my girl is in no way a princess, she is just sweet and gentle natured.

I haven't ever tried doing her hair! So you aren't the only one, I just leave it be. It has curls and I mine is straight so I have no idea. Don't worry As for the future, I am concerned about the teenage years, because I remember myself as a teenager But DH and I talk about it regularly to reassure me. These first 5 years are the formative years and they count big time because kids learn their value system. So teaching girls to value themselves now will have lasting implications.

I am 18 weeks now and we are pretty sure it's going to be another girl - and we are thrilled!
Best of luck!

 

[mammag]

I'm terrified of my gender scan. I desperately want a girl. I have two boys, will not get anymore babies, and the thought of never being a mother of a daughter honestly devastates me. I'd almost prefer to stay team yellow, because I know when I see his or her face it won't matter to me what the gender is! You're definitely not alone in this.

 

[lovepurple90]

Thanks for your reply ladies.

I'm sure it can be a very sensitive issue and some may consider it really petty or coming across as ungrateful, but just to clarify I will be happy no matter the gender - I just have these weird fears about having a girl. I know when he/she is born it won't even matter, like floatingbaby and emee said, it's all about how you raise them. I guess growing up with three brothers, I feel more inclined to want a boy because I haven't been around young girls much and I'm not too sure how they react to things compared to boys.

I'm just worrying for nothing but mammag, I can totally understand where you're coming from. I can imagine fearing that I'd never be a mum to both a boy and a girl one day. I guess the experience will be a bit different and it's something you want to go through. Staying team yellow is definitely something I'd consider actually.

 

[RcdM]

I have a 2 year old daughter and am pregnant with a boy. I'm thrilled to have one of each, but I am so scared at the same time because I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to boys! At least with a girl you are familiar with all their "parts" and when you talk to them about their bodies you are speaking from experience. I don't know how to clean boy pee-pee area... I heard they are much harder to potty train... I heard they can get baby boners! and when you change their diaper they can pee all over you! Haha. Plus they are usually more rough and defiant. (Not always true.) But as they get older they get dirtier, you have to constantly take them to get their hair cut, and as teens they are smelly.

With my dd she has such a personality now and it's so sweet. She loves to give hugs and kisses and sing songs, but she loves to get dirty like a boy. She is very shy but I don't think that's a gender thing. She also still has fine baby hair, so there's not a lot I can do with it yet, but I'm excited to learn how to do braids and stuff, which I don't know how to do yet but would love to once her hair is long enough!

I was much more a tom boy than a girly girl but you'd be surprised how quickly you start to love to shop for cute little girl shoes and dresses and bows. Stuff I'd never be caught dead wearing but on her it's the most adorable thing ever. You'll be fine with whatever gender you end up with - there are great things about each, and just as equally things that may not be so great lol.

 

[bdb84]

I have one of each, and I truly cannot say which one I love more.

There is something special about that mother/son relationship. Knowing you will always be his first love, he will base his future relationships keeping your best qualities in mind, etc. My 8 year old is a gentle soul. He's the exact opposite of the aggressive, rough & tumble personality that you would think of when you think of little boys.

Then there's my 4 year old daughter. She is your total girly girl complete with princess dresses, plastic heels, and play makeup. She loves for me to do her hair, put makeup on her, and go shopping with me. Not only that, but she has a tomboy flair to her as well. It's completely normal to find her decked out in princess attire while outside playing trucks with her big brother. Their bond is like no other. He's protective of her, and he is her moon and stars.

Then there's the relationship that my husband has with her. She has him wrapped around his finger and she knows it, too.

She's not catty, nor is she dramatic.. but she does know what she wants and will not settle for less. I love that about her.

So, I say that no matter which gender you get, you will be highly blessed. Your relationship with your child is what you make of it. You will not be any less close to your daughter than you will be to your [future, potential] son. It's a different kind of closeness, but the same in intensity.

 

[lovepurple90]

Haha RcdM, your post made me giggle.. you have fears about boys, the way I have about girls. I guess it's just because we're stepping into unfamiliar territory but once their born and we get into the rhythm of things, I hope it will all be ok!

 

[lovepurple90]

bdb84, thanks for that. Sounds like you have two amazing children who adore each other which is so lovely. You're proving that my fears really are completely irrational haha and that it depends on how you raise the kids. I shouldn't be so worried about the gender.

 

[RcdM]

Lol, yes those are all my fears about boys but I'm super excited. I guess my point was there are different quirks that each gender has no matter what. One is not better than the other, just different in their own ways. Once your baby gets here, you'll never be able to imagine it any other way/any other gender.

 

[Rickles]

I was you with my first - and she was a girl!

I have 4 brothers, was a total tomboy myself, crap relationship with my own Mum... ah there was a long list of negatives. Luckily I am close to my Dad who as soon as I found out at 20 weeks said "I loved having a girl, I think they're great and so will you "

He was right... and in many ways my daughter is still all my worst nightmares - she is a TOTAL girlie girl, she chooses her own outfits, loves handbags and shoes - wants to put make up on (I don't even wear it!!!). But you know what she is so goddam awesome I LOVE it (even when she makes me change my outfit!).

Honestly she is so sweet, loving, funny and basically a total rockstar - I can't believe she's mine.

Yes, I'd love this one to be a boy as I'd still love to raise one... but I'd be stoked if it was a sister for my little girl and i'm just embracing all the girlie stuff i didn't care for myself because doing it with your own baby girl is so much fun!!!

So either way - you'll be just fine xx

 

[babylove x]

I think you will be pleasantly surprised if you have a girl.

 

[jzgrace]

I have two girls. And wa t another girl. Dh wants a boy. Girls are just so sweet and gentle. I love dojng thier hair and singing with them. Baking cakes and cookies. I also love to see a daddies girl. I was raised by my dad no mom. And had two older brothers who eventually grew to see me as a motherly figure. Biys are usually rambunctious and daring. I will have a heart attack watchi g my boy do crazy risky things. And he will if he's anything like his dad.Tho I have to say I would love to know what its like to have a mama's boy. My husband is a mama's boy and I love it. Imo mama's boys know how to treat a woman. I guess I would be ready for a boy after two girls (15&10) but I just love the tiny little girls and their sweetness. I will be inlove with baby no matter what the gender. I will hopfully find out on the 13. Ill have a late scan.

 

[itsnowmyturn]

My brother and his girlfriend are going in for their induction today and I desperately want them to have a boy and me a girl lol, I no if they have a girl I wont be as happy as if they have a boy and whatever they have I want the opposite. There is only going to be 6 months between the two and I can't be doing with constant comparisons so of they are different genders it will be easier but I have wanted a girl from the start (although I actually think it's a boy) so whatever happens with my niece or nephew today will determine what gender I actually want and I can assure u I will be disappointed if it's the same but not because I don't want it more because I want my child to be an individual not a comparison

 

[maisie78]

Completely normal feelings hun. When I was pregnant with my dd I was convinced she was a boy. All I ever wanted was a boy and like you almost feared having a girl. It took a little while to set in that I did in fact have a girl and once she was born I couldn't have cared less. She is my world and I couldn't imagine having a boy now, which is a bit concerning since I'm getting one in about 26 weeks lol I found I was actually a bit disappointed that he turned out to be a boy because I had my heart set on another girl but I have known for a couple of weeks now and I am definitely getting more excited about the prospect of having a son now.
As for whether they are easier or harder than boys I don't know. She was an amazingly chilled baby and really no problem at all even when she was going through operations on her eyes she was such a good baby. She is very loving towards me and I get lots of cuddles and.kisses. Yes she has a temper as she is getting towards the terrible 2's but certainly no worse than what I am told from mums of boys. So really I think it is their personality rather than gender that determines that.

I would say that if you really are that worried you should consider finding out the gender before the birth so that you can get your head around it if baby turns out to be a girl before she arrives. It may also be worth requesting to join the gender disappointment thread as others have suggested xx

 

[UnderPressure]

We found out a couple weeks ago that we are having a boy. I was upset and scared at first as I had hoped it was a girl for totally ridiculous reasons. We have a small farm and I do the majority of the work. I love animals and want my baby to be kind and gentle and patient with animals. His daddy is impatient and likes to pick on/tease the animals. For some reason there's that feeling that a girl would be more like me and a boy more like him, but there's no reason that would have to be true. A boy can learn as easily as a girl to be a caring little farmhand, but I definitely experienced some initial disappointment

 

[jzgrace]

We found out a couple weeks ago that we are having a boy. I was upset and scared at first as I had hoped it was a girl for totally ridiculous reasons. We have a small farm and I do the majority of the work. I love animals and want my baby to be kind and gentle and patient with animals. His daddy is impatient and likes to pick on/tease the animals. For some reason there's that feeling that a girl would be more like me and a boy more like him, but there's no reason that would have to be true. A boy can learn as easily as a girl to be a caring little farmhand, but I definitely experienced some initial disappointment

My husband is actually just like his mom
Sweet, careing, empathic and gentle. His dad is a brute. And can be harsh. Just to give you some hope. lol

 

[londonangel]

I always thought I wanted a boy and of course I got... a girl! She is an utter delight, certainly no more trouble than a boy would be (yet!). I was never a particularly wild or stroppy teen so I have no particular reason to believe that she will be.

So now I'm expecting number 2 I'd really like - another girl! But I have a feeling it is a boy and that's fine too. I really just want a healthy child.

Try not to worry too much. Girls really are lovely too!

 

[holly81]

I'm the same as you with all the fears and negative feelings about having a girl. I desperately wanted a second boy (after my little dream-come-true) but my 12 week scan totally looks like a girl. I think my bump is trying to sit higher this time. Blah blah blah... I actually feel really upset and miserable about it. And I feel like such a bad mum to be having these thoughts! Feel so stuck and when I was (and should continue to be) happy, excited, hopeful and generally
Boooo! I suck as a human being huh

Oh but by the way, for everyone with boy fears, my lb is 18 months and gentle, happy, smiley, loving and always the best behaved at the party. They're not all bad Lol