Totally unsupportive family - Updated

[Welshcob]

Just need to vent again - sorry girls, I know I have done a bit of this lately. But honestly what happened last night has just made me realise why I didn't speak to my dad for years.
Some of you know that I have had some real issues since pregnant. My supposedly reformed abusive BF reverted and became as bad as he was at his worst. I haven't told people about it really because for years I hoped he would improve and I did not want to tell them I was back with him only to find he did another repeat performance. Which he has! So I emailed my Dad and said that I was going to have to move which I am being forced into in order to protect this baby. If I had faith in the legal system and the police I would not be doing it. But I know he will never let me be and he will use this child to hurt me. So I told my Dad this and he left me a vmail saying "that it all sounded very far fetched" and that " I must do all I can to keep FOB calm". What a stupid stupid man! He really seems to think that this guy can be kept calm. So I ended up saying that if I felt I had any doubt in my dads support I would not tell him where I was going either. Seriously I don't trust my dad. He has never protected me and stood by ignoring the abuse our mom subjected all the kids to.
I emailed him and said that maybe he should think that I would not be doing this if I were not very afraid. What an utterly thick man! Seriously! I am really upset.
If the worst comes to the worst I won't say where I am going and I can meet my dad at an open location. He can always email me anyway.
Its not nice to feel so unsupported - your family are supposed to be there. But then my dad is old fashioned and thinks women should put up and shut up! It is their lot to suffer through their lives, that is just what they are here for!

 

[xxannxx]

I'm so sorry that your not getting the support that you obviously need. When me and my ex broke up I didn't reveal a lot of the gory details for a long time, as I wanted to keep things calm so as he could have a relationship with my LO. However, after a lot of trouble with harassment from him, I eventually had to see a solicitor and the truth all came out. Luckily. the threat from solicitor was enough to get him off my back, and realise that he was never going to be part of my life and to concentrate on relationship he had with LO. Sometimes people think that if things were that bad then you wouldn't be able to keep it quiet for so long, but anyone that has been in a bad relationship knows that you can put up with a lot to try and make it work. You just need to keep concentrating on yourself and baby and be strong, you know whats right for you.

 

[purpledahlia]

Sorry to hear that, Do you have any other family to go to for support??
I think you should do whats best for you and the baby, and dont tell anyone untill you feel ready. dont be pressured into something you dont feel comfortable or happy with. If your cared - move out, etc, Maybe if you met your dad somewhere and he saw ho scared you were he might realise? sometimes emails dont convey the reality. Good luck x

 

[Welshcob]

Girls, Dad followed up with another worse letter. I guess the thing is that hes not changed and he never will. He said it was my fault that I was a willing participant in an abusive relationship! Its totally nuts. Both he and my brother have said that the social services will take the baby away from me because I am looking to move and change my name. My brother says I am behaving like a nut job! I really am not one, but I don't feel safe. I want to protect this baby. I don't want to do anything wrong. But I feel this terrible urge to get away from FOB. Despite the fact that I love him, he is really unstable and I fear he is going to turn up and make all sorts of accusations about me. I think I can safely say that I am alone in this now - well luckily I have friends. I am still feeling quite emotional - I can't beleive what FOB has put me through and why? Just no logic. Also that I will be giving birth alone The friend I hoped would come can't be there now. Its all just such a horrible prospect. I never wanted this. I wanted FOB to behave "Normally" and thats what I have always hoped for.
I can tell you what I am afraid of. I am afraid of his abusing the child - emotionally. I am afraid of him making false accusations about my caring for the child - just to cause me distress. I am afraid that he tries to take the baby to New Zealand or Australia. Generally I am afraid of him having unsupervised access. I am afraid that he has never been sensible and he has never compromised, so I just fear it being an utter nightmare. Thats why I am also considering not asking CSA for maintenance. But I know he could turn up anyway. I wish I knew what he wanted? What his game is?
I am so upset writing this. He just stopped the contact and I was desperate to know what part he wants to play in the babies life, he has had the chance to just tell me no thanks and walk away, but he says nothing. Instead he gets a court order so I must not tell him anything until early december - baby due 11th or there abouts. What does that mean? I mean really it makes no sense. He could have just said to me. I made a mistake - I don't love you and I don't want the baby. He could have said if he wanted any part of the babies life and he could have said he wanted nothing to do with me and I would have left it. But to drag me off to court just is madness. And there my family are telling me that I am behaving like a nut job! And saying its my fault, because I was a willing participant in his abuse...which to me is more mad!!! its a totally insane suggestion. My dad has been saying I must "pray for forgiveness" What????
What I did wrong was to love and trust this man over and over again. Thats all I did wrong and - to slap him after three weeks of him ignoring me and him pushing me to the ground. That is all I have done wrong.

 

[purpledahlia]

It sounds awful, sorry you have to go through this alone. I think - for now - you should get away. If nobody is willing to help you or be there for you then you should get yourself down to the council and say your homeless,. get a house and start afresh. nobody needs to know where you are living untill your ready for them to know. I hope you dont have to give birth alone, thats really upsetting. Cant you ask another friend? Do you have any extended family? aunties or uncles? cousins? even an old friend you could turn too? I hope you dont stay taking that abuse from anyone, the last think you want is them to report you and have social services involved. If you have got a house and are standing on your own two feet, get signed on for benefits etc, and they will see your perfectl capable. Also document EVERYTHING being said to you, keep all letters texts and emails as evidence and have it in a folder. Maybe go and see your local CAB and speak to someone. but ultimately, might sound harsh, but if you dont feel safe, get out. you have to feel safe, x

 

[bluetattoo]

My heart goes out to you - your situation sounds horrific. Unfortunately some fathers have a very strange view of the world which is specifically why I haven't told mine yet - I have no idea what bizarre attitude he may decide to adopt. I hope you have some good friends to lean on in the absence of any support from the people who should be closest to you. Sometimes life sucks! Try and concentrate on your beautiful baby and how all the upset and turmoil will all be worthwhile when you hold your baby in your arms. And obviously there is cyber support here whenever you need it

 

[meztisa]

It is a very rare occasion that men like that change. Please message me if you need to chat, I am going through the same thing.