TRASH it..

[susan_1981]

I'm completely different from all you lovely ladies. All the comments I've received - "it wasn't meant to be", "it's better it happened now than later on", "you can try again", I've had most of them as well as "Well there obviously wasn't something right with that baby so it's probably best that it happened", I know it's people trying to comfort me and give me hope for next time so I never feel upset by their comments. Maybe it's because I never really got to grips with being pregnant and I know it's completely different from some others as you went full term or had late miscarriages which must be so much more traumatic and others felt a real connection with their pregnancy from the start. I just think the shock of actually being pregnant never went. I'm convinced I just knew something wasn't right so perhaps that's why. But I just try to keep thinking that they are all acknowledging my miscarriage and sometimes by saying insensitive things which I know they don't mean. The only thing that did bother me was my MIL not mentioning it the first time she saw me after my miscarriage. She didn't even ask me how I was. Now that did p*ss me off because I thought that was insensitive. I just felt as if she didn't particularly care. Even my FIL asked how I was and he doesn't do any emotions or doesn't like to get into emotional conversations.

 

[Shelby2007]

I was reading something earlier.. and found this list of things to do.. or not to do.. for family members/friends.. I thought it was neat.



If you are reading this on behalf of someone else, here is some advice on how to help them.
Do let your genuine concern and caring show.
Do be available... to listen or to help with whatever seems needed at the time.
Do say you are sorry about what has happened and about their pain.
Do allow them to express as much unhappiness as they are feeling and are willing to share.
Do encourage them to be patient with themselves and not to expect too much of themselves, nor to impose any 'shoulds' on themselves.
Do allow them to talk about their loss as much and as often as they want to.
Do reassure them that they did everything they could and that it wasn't their fault.
Don't let your own sense of helplessness keep you from reaching out.
Don't avoid them because you are uncomfortable. Being avoided by friends may add pain to an already painful experience.
Don't say that you know how they feel (unless you have experienced their loss yourself, and then you can be particularly supportive).
Don't say 'you ought to be feeling better by now' or anything which implies judgment about their feelings.
Don't tell them what they should feel or do.
Don't change the subject when they mention their loss.
Don't avoid mentioning their loss out of fear of reminding them of their pain (they won't have forgotten).
Don't try to find something positive about the loss (eg. a moral lesson, closer family ties, etc).
Don't point out that at least they have their other....
Don't say that they can always have another.... (they wanted this one).
Don't say that they should be grateful for....
Don't make comments which in any way suggest that the loss was their fault (there will be enough feelings of doubt and guilt already).

 

[moomoo]

OOhhh my personal fave "oooh it was only a bunch of cells anyway" or "better luck next time" and "your young, you have plenty of time"

* My baby was not merely a bunch of cells, no more than us humans are!!
*Thanks, like its picking a name out a hat
* So just because im young, i deserve a baby less than someone who is older

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr