Traumatic first birth, what to expect now?

[xQuinnx]

Sorry if this is posted in the wrong place...

My first labour with my daughter was awful. I an antepartum haemorrhage that was never really explained, I was terrified she was dieing and no one informed me otherwise, I was told there wasn't enough staff for an epidural and after all that I had a manual removal of placenta.

The experience left me with post natal PTSD and depression which I'm still having counseling for. I'd been feeling tonnes better hence trying for a baby but I'm rapidly starting to feel awful again even having flashbacks again
My question is this, anyone had a traumatic first birth did professionals do anything differently for you the second time? I've been referred to a consultant for mental health reasons, the appointments in July.

Any idea if they could offer me any help in terms of the practicality of birth?

Thanks

 

[emicakess]

I am so sorry to hear that!! Is there anyway you could switch to a different hospital to birth at? It sounds like they didn't do a very great job at keeping you updated! I believe you can have a better labor and delivery this time, although this is my second and i cant tell you from experience. Could you get a doula who could help you with relaxation? It sounds like your last birth has left you with tons of anxiety!

 

[MrS. MaBrEy]

Not by professionals, but I've sought help through groups who understand and I've taken charge of my birth this time around. I'll be having a home birth with a midwife this time so that my body will be respected. I refuse to leave this birth feeling like a rape victim again (and no, I am not appropriating the term or being funny...I was literally sexually assaulted during my birth). I would recommend retraining your brain. Don't think of your doctor as the "see all be all", but as a person you are hiring. You are a customer. If you aren't satisfied with your care, "fire" your provider and move on. interview providers until you feel safe and respected. Seeking mental health counseling will help as well, even if only to process what happened.

 

[Ashley1021]

My first birth was terrible, because of a crappy nurse. She kept telling me I wasn't in labor, and refused to check me so I could get an epidural. Long story short, I finally got checked because baby's heart rate dropped and I was 7 cm, by the time i got the epidural I was 9. She kept asking me how I would handle labor if I couldn't handle the pain I was in then

 

[xQuinnx]

Thanks everyone. Asked to change hospitals and they agreed which is great.

That's a great point about re training my brain, that is definitely needed!

 

[Jkelmum]

I've been refered to birth matters for help with anxiety and birth maybe they do that in your area

 

[Jkelmum]

I've been refered to birth matters for help with anxiety and birth maybe they do that in your area

 

[xQuinnx]

I've been refered to birth matters for help with anxiety and birth maybe they do that in your area

I'll ask my midwife thanks for the idea

 

[ParisJeTadore]

Have you tried hypnobirthing? For all of my pregnancies I listened to a cd once a day starting at 33 weeks until birth. It retrains your brain into being calm and relaxed during labour and subsequently through birth. I highly recommend it and know that it has been used by many who have had previous traumatic births quite successfully.

I am sorry you had such a traumatizing delivery. If it's any comfort...my first birth was traumatic and scary. I actually cried when I found out I was pregnant again because I had refused to go through birth again. That said, birth number 2 was a completely different experience and a million times better. No trauma, hard but manageable pain and no complications. Each time can be so different.

 

[campn]

I haven't had my second yet but every labor will be so different. I doubt history will repeat itself like that as what happened to you is rare, you just had some bad luck mixed with unprofessional handling of the situation.

Remind yourself this time will be different. I'm sure it will! Second time labor and delivery go faster and smoother!

 

[xQuinnx]

Thanks ladies I do need to tell myself that it will be different, I get so bogged down by it all sometimes.

My friend suggested hypnobirthing, I borrowed her book by Sophie fletcher I quite liked it! Any other suggestions for hypnobirthing books? Or mp3s?

 

[Hopeful27yrs]

My first birth was terrible, because of a crappy nurse. She kept telling me I wasn't in labor, and refused to check me so I could get an epidural. Long story short, I finally got checked because baby's heart rate dropped and I was 7 cm, by the time i got the epidural I was 9. She kept asking me how I would handle labor if I couldn't handle the pain I was in then

Very much like my experience - they only kept me in on the post natal ward overnight to induce me in the morning as my hind waters had gone. Told me I wasn't in labour and when I couldn't control the pain any longer my DH went to find someone to get me some pain relief. They told me to "have a shower for the pain" and they would be doing the pre-induction checks in half an hour at 6:30am. Both DH and I noted I was bleeding in the shower so they gave in and checked me - 10cm and my waters went. I felt completely ignored and that I had no control over the situation - nobody believed me and by that time all my choices for pain relief were limited due to the closeness of the birth.

Unfortunately she got stuck (as she was also back to back) and ended in forceps (something I didn't want). This was another concern of mine which also got brushed over - family history of similar happening in many generations. Overall, I feel complete distrust in the whole natural birth situation.

 

[ParisJeTadore]

Thanks ladies I do need to tell myself that it will be different, I get so bogged down by it all sometimes.

My friend suggested hypnobirthing, I borrowed her book by Sophie fletcher I quite liked it! Any other suggestions for hypnobirthing books? Or mp3s?

I used Maggie Howell's hospital birth hypnosis. It was inexpensive, and only one cd. Definitely recommend it! I bought the accompanying workbook which was helpful but I definitely think the cd was the core of what made a difference for me. I plan on using it again once I reach 33-34 weeks

 

[xQuinnx]

Just wanted to put a bit of an update.

Saw a specialist midwife today regarding previous birth trauma, I'm due to go back at 34 weeks to put a birth plan in place.

She was finally able to tell me that the bleeding I had throughout my first labour (one of the reasons it was so traumatic) was because there was a part of my labour where I progressed quickly and the bleeding was from my cervix, a blood vessel popping..can't remember what she said it was called.

It's taken nearly 2 years of questioning but FINALLY I have an answer! I'm so pleased but also angry thst jt took this long when I started asking about this when my daughter was a month old

 

[britt0285]

I also had a terrible first experience with pre E and then a long, painful labor. I also suffered form pp depression. My second experience went perfectly. They did accidentally drop my BP too fast with the epidural and then my testing HR was 130-140, and I got super nauseated. They gave me phenergan iv push for the nausea and after that i pretty much slept until time to push and we both did great. No problems. So each pregnancy can be pretty different.