Trying for a baby

[m_t_rose]

I still think that at 17 no girl is ready. You body isn't even done growing. I have taken many classes on child development and it is proven safer to have a baby once your in your 20's or at least done growing. A teenage pregnancy is more at risk for a low birth weight baby which leads to a whole host of problems. There is a reason you can't drink and can't vote it is because you are still a child and your brain is still growing. I know I can't convince you that you are too young because when I was 17 I was too pig headed and stubborn to listen to people when they tell me I am not ready for something all I would think was yes I am and I will prove it. Maybe you should talk to your doctor and your parents before you decide anything.

 

[Suz]

You are intitled to your opinion. That is what makes this forum a great place. But please try to take into concideration that we have alot of young moms and members TTC on this forum. They are all here for support in one way or another. Your comments are coming off a bit hurtful and harsh.

 

[Arcanegirl]

I talked to my doctor when we wanted to try at that age, no lecture or anything. he said i was fine to TTC. My mother in law also knew and she was fine with it too.

Every woman cant be grouped together with physical and mental development, i dont feel any different now than i did three years ago.

 

[m_t_rose]

I appoligize for sounding harsh but I dont think children should be encouraged and congradulated for TTC. AT 17 you are still a child.

 

[Iwantone!!!]

well there is a lovely girl on her who had a child at 13 and 15 and is pregant again its her choice to get pregs and not were protection that does not mean than shes not a bad mum its each to there own if sh feels ready she is the only one that can that desion i have a mate who was preg at 17and had baby at 18and another at that was 18 preg had her at 18 turn 19 a wk later and they are both fab mums x

 

[Arcanegirl]

Over here we class as over 16 as adults not children.

Sorry but i do find your comments offensive.
As a young TTCer i didnt consider myself a child when we started and nobody i told treated me as a child and said i shouldnt go ahead because of that reason.

 

[tinytoes]

accidental teenpregnancies are different to intentional ones. I applaud those girls who have coped in the face of difficult circumstances. But those who are being anive and are planning on making life difficult for themselves and the baby...well, I have nothing but sensible comments.

13, 15? It's illegal for a reason. They are children. Children should not have sex adn should not breed.

And one girl said she started TTC at 17 and they didnt have jobs but were working on it - NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Who would look after the child? How can a child feed if there's no money? How will bills be paid? Benefits?...give me a break....
I wouldnt buy a puppy if I coudlnt afford his food.
I wouldnt book a holiday if I couldnt afford to pay the flights.
I wouldnt try and get pregnant unless I could offer the child everything it needed. Love isnt enough. Not in an ideal world.
I'm not having this baby just for me to have a doll, or a cute baby to cuddle when I'm lonely. The baby isnt to complete me, it isn't an accessory. I'm having this kid because it's teh right time. I've had a good time adn am now ina position to offer a child a wonderful life. It's taken me a whil e to get here but I think I can give it everything it needs.
Kids cost a fortune - a home in a nice area (mortgage, all your utility bills, taxes, insurance, the chance your boiler might need replacing, your washing machine...), new coats each year, shoes, socks, clothes, bottles, baths, blankets, food, medicines, toys, swimming classes, education, bikes, birthday parties, dancing classes or maybe karate classes.... And that's all just if my kid is healthy. Otherwise, what about a special needs carer or special schooling and doctors and treatments? What if my baby is born prematurely? You dont get benefits for premature babies...check this news story out: https://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7117416.stm


Sorry if this soudns grumpy, I am partic grumpy this week...

 

[Arcanegirl]

And one girl said she started TTC at 17 and they didnt have jobs but were working on it - NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Who would look after the child? How can a child feed if there's no money? How will bills be paid? Benefits?...give me a break....
.

That was me....And i would like to point out we both work now full time and as to who would look after the baby, we have full support of both our familes.

As for not good enough, youd rather we hadnt looked for jobs? At least we did and didnt just stay on benefits the rest of our lives.

 

[tinytoes]

That was me...
youd rather we hadnt looked for jobs? At least we did and didnt just stay on benefits the rest of our lives.

no you're right. but i mean when starting TTC. jobs can be hard to come by. You are lucky. Some people might not be so lucky or have such good grades etc.
Not a personal criticism at anyone, just wating people to think twice, or even three times.
This is sucha huuuuge thing. As I'm sure you know.

 

[Wobbles]

17 - 37

This thread is just wrong we have lots of young Mummies on the forum.

There certainly are those at 17 (or around) that have babies & really needed to grow up before bringing a baby into this world BUT that doesn't mean every 17 year old will fail or should not consider having a family young these days younger adults are more mature & head screwed than they use to be. Then you get a woman in her 30's a man in his 40's totally incapable of looking after the child they concieved whist they inject drugs leave needles round their home ... to be blunt a bigger % of 17 year old young woman would do a better job of ... Ive seen many young Mums make GREAT Mums & Ive seen many who maybe should have been more careful because they weren't ready then I see people like my own father (yes the 40 yr old man who takes drugs & his slapped up girlfriend in her 30s) bring my baby sister into this world and fail as parants so badly from every direction. I wish my sister was with a young couple who feel they are ready to love a child than my own failure of a father & GF who I dispise (sp) for for bringing my sister into this world - their world of a shit life but she'll never know different.

You know when your ready ... Some may be wrong and just "awww I want a a baby" that doesn't mean everyone young adult thinks like that and it doesn't mean those in 20s/30s haven't done the same because they have!!

 

[Wobbles]

I appoligize for sounding harsh but I dont think children should be encouraged and congradulated for TTC. AT 17 you are still a child.

If my little girl comes to me at 17 and decides she wants to try for baby become a Mummy you know what mother instinct may not want my little girl to grow up so fast but I'd support her and congratulate her on success ... I will support her in any way I can but not being stupid she will also be left to stand on her own two feet and support her own decision.

At 17 I wasn't a child - I had a fully furnished house, was paying my own bills, had a job & a partner who was 7 years older than me had I decided on children then I was more than ready mentally. More ready than many out there twice my age at the time.

 

[tinytoes]

i'm not saying that all 17 year olds shouldnt....... but I am saying think twice.I Apologize if I've offended anyone. That's all. Maybe go and see a bit of the world first. Enjoy being a teenager.
When you're 70 you might appreciate it.

 

[Wobbles]

Ah don't you love different opinions Would be naff if we all thought the same huh?

Wish I'd been a younger Mummy though must admit

 

[tinytoes]

i still feel like a scared kid at 30!

 

[Wobbles]

Think thats natural planned or not hehe

 

[jrmomma0609]

hi! I had my first at 19, granted it was a tough adjustment for my husband and I, but it all worked out. Im 21 now and want another!

 

[Leannex]

I'm 17, and my boyfriend turned 18 last month. We decided to start trying for a baby a year ago. But I wanted to wait till May 07 to come off the pill. So we've been trying just over 6 months. I came off the pill on the 8th May 07, but I'm not obsessing because it will happen when it happens. I know we aren't rushing into anything because when we first started going out and having sex I really wanted a baby (we where 15) but I didn't try to get pregnant because I thought it would be too soon. We live together because his Mum moved in with her boyfriend a year ago so I went and stayed there.

I'm 18 next year so if I do get pregnant I'll be 18-19. I just thought I'd join here because it seems like a very nice forum and nobody judges like they do on other forums I've been on. Also I don't really have anybody to talk to about TTC because we haven't told anybody because it will cause stress as I'm a worrier!!

I thought I had a miscarriage in September, and went to the Doctors today and he said it 'can' be normal to happen. I didn't think I was pregnant, I just had the little signs (sore boob etc etc that I hadn't gotten before) and then when I got my period over 2 weeks late it was very clotted and had pieces in it that looked like large clumps of liver (sorry if it's TMI).

Sorry that it's so long!

Hope it happens for you. When read posts like these i feel so grateful for baby ive got. ( i feel pregnant on the pill )
As people have said, about losing your first, i cant believe mine lived, as i never found out until 18wk and i had been still going out drinking, all that and been 5 theme parks, and i found out i had a healthy baby...
Btw im 18

 

[BabyWanted20]

I started TTC at 19 - a month off 20 (I'm 21 now - been TTC for a year) and had a miscarriage in my first pregnancy. They say that first pregnancies end in miscarriage because the womans body isn't ready at that point for pregnancy and can't handle it, or something like that.

My advice is not to overlystress about TTC because it can delay you get pregnant longer. I got pregnant after 3 months of trying and because i'm still emotionally dealing with my loss (almost 8 months ago) i'm still not pregnant again. Just go with the flow and it will happen soon. I'm trying to relax more so we can get pregnant with a healthy '08 baby.

Good luck.

 

[Madwolf3]

GRRR!!!

JUST for the record, I'd like to say that I had a baby just before my 18th birthday. I was a "child" when I had her and let me tell you what- My husband and I get compliments every day from strangers on how well behaved and happy our little girl is! She is VERY loved and VERY well taken care of, in fact a bit spoiled! I didn't plan on having a baby that young, and though it was hard at times I have always taken damn good care of her!

I'm a bit miffed at the comment that you have to have a nice house in a nice neighborhood, and how much kids cost. This coming from someone who has no children yet? Kids can certainly be expensive, but they don't have to cost a fortune! I was able to get almost everything for my daughter for free when she was born, from people who were getting rid of things. And let me tell you, I only used the best. I'm not saying that's an excuse to have babies young, I'm saying you make it sound like a nightmare! I missed out on some of my youth- but I got something MUCH better in return.

ALSO- there are so many people like you two who assume you can't be a good mom or dad when you're "a child" (another thing I MAJORLY take offense to- I was living on my own before my 17th birthday). It's people like you who make it SO DAMN HARD to be taken seriously as young parents!!! I got SO MANY dirty looks when I was pregnant! I got sooo many dirty looks when I had a new baby in my arms! Now that I look at bit older it's not bad at all, but COME ON!!! Don't be those people who look down on us young parents. Those people make our lives hell!

Remember, there may be a thing or two you could learn from us young moms. When you come back on this site asking for advice or understanding, you'll be amazed at how many "children with children" will respond with encouragement and excellent advice.

(And one more thing, to be spiteful. How old will you be when your kids are 18? I won't regret anything when I'm 70- my kids will already have been out of the house for 30 years! I get the joy of being a mom, and still get to have my "life back" at a younger age!)

OK Sorry for being a ! I'm done! I'm just tired of hearing it from people who don't know what they're even talking about!

 

[anita665]

I agree that there are 17 year olds out there who can cope but I also agree that at 17 you're still just a kid. You don't feel like it but you'll look back in just a few years and think the same yourself.

My sister and my friend both had their first kids at 17. My sisters kids are now all in care and my friend is still living with her mum aged 24, with her 2 kids, working part time behind a bar and living on benefits. What kind of life is that?! At best you can hope to be living in your own council place on benefits for years to come.

When you have a kid you should want wants best for it, not for you and aside from putting your baby at risk because you're not done growing, you also have I'm guessing no education beyond school and no job. Also again even though you may feel very mature, you can't be by 17 and kids having kids tends to eventually lead to a new generation of kids having kids and other problems. Most teens seem to want a baby, probably because of the crazy hormone rush. Even I did at 17 but like most I waited and am glad I have.

Whats the problem with waiting for a few years and getting an education, a job and a house and then having a baby so you know you can provide the best you can for it? It's not like time is running out for you.

Good luck and I hope things go well for you. xx


[COLOR]