Trying to decide between a 18 month age gap 26 month + age gap

[callypygous]

Hi ladies, I am trying to persuade my DH to start trying for no.2 next March (so that they are about 18 months apart) as I like the idea of having my LOs close together (although I know my body might not let me that quickly - I'd like to give it a shot!) He however would prefer that there be at least a 27 month age gap as he thinks it might be too much for me. We don't have any family living locally and he works long hours so I would be looking after the babies most of the time.

I'd love to hear about your experience with either age gap, is it really worth waiting those extra 9 months or so? Can they play together just as well with a 2-3 year age gap? My impression is it's harder work to begin with (18 month age gap), but in the longterm they entertain each other so worth slogging it out for a while before a kind of routine forms?

I don't know, I'm a naive FTM and keen to hear your experiences so I know whether to keep on working on my DH until March

 

[donnarobinson]

Ive got a 24 month age gap. . Its hard work but u manage . . Ive no idea really but I thin whatever the gap its stil hard work .. but I wouldn't change it x

 

[Louise88]

I have an 18 month age gap I hated it to begin will but love it now, it's very hard looking after a demanding baby and a demanding toddler although I can imagine this being the case for bigger age gaps aswell as both have different needs. I love it now because as their so close in age they play together all the time so I am able to to do housework knowing that their happy rolling around the floor and laughing at each other, so worth those hard early days.

 

[MrsPMP]

i suggest like 4 years age gap! lol

 

[MrsT&Ben]

I have a 4 & a half year age gap and I think it's perfect!
There is no way I could cope with a smaller one.
My nephew and son are 9 months apart and fight like cat and dog but also adore each other. I couldn't cope with that 24/7.
I think you make whatever gap you have work. I can remember someone once said to be you will never regret having a child. You will regret not having one. Go for it and what will be will be!

 

[BrandiCanucks]

My first two are 20 months apart and my second and third are 28 months apart. Honestly, there isn't much difference between the two and both have their rewards and challenges. No matter what age gap, there are always adjustments but eventually, and usually quickly, you find your routine.

I now have four and an a single mom. My third and fourth are 38 months apart and I honestly prefer the closer age gaps. My third LOVES her baby brother, but my two who are 20 months apart are very very close to each other. They were young enough that the other has always "been there".

 

[Wilsey]

I have an 18 month age gap and I won't lie, it was hard at first. But now, as they're growing up together it's getting amazing. The tipping point was when my youngest could sit unaided at 6 months. Then they could 'play' together. Her big brother sometimes gets a bit rough and hits/grabs toys but they mostly play nicely together.

I think there are pros and cons to any age gap. I personally think a 2 year age gap would be nice!

Best of luck

 

[Bunnikins]

I've got 20 months and I wouldn't advise that. It's hard, hard work especially with no support from nearby family. I've really struggled and wished I'd waited 3 years but that's just me u may get an easy second baby, or be more organized/patient than I am!

 

[liz1985]

I think whatever gap you end up with you will adjust and make it work for you. We have 24m gap and the first few weeks were hard, VERY hard but it has got better and better and i love the gap, they are already so close. We do have bad days dont get me wrong but mostly i love it. Personally i couldn't do a closer gap than 2 years, my sister has a year gap and its my idea of hell, and i know she found it really hard work. They are 5 and 4 now and honestly she is only just loving it rather than getting through it. Allthough she wouldn't change it for the world. There was 3.5 years between me and sister and we were very close as children. We grew apart a little through the teenage years but are close again as adults. I think age gaps are a personal choice, what works for one wouldn't work for another.

 

[callypygous]

Thanks ladies for all your stories! I guess we'll play it by ear and see how we feel closer to the time. My little one is a pretty easy baby so I guess that's why I am keen to crack on with the next one ASAP but it could all be turned on it's head if the next one is difficult!

 

[Pearls18]

Anything less than 2 years wouldn't have been possible for me, tbh anything less than 3 years was completely avoided, mostly I just couldn't imagine a baby and toddler...then worse still 2 toddlers lol. I wouldn't have been able to go back to work, I don't live near family either so my support network is limited (and my husband has to work away frequently). I wanted to physically and emotionally pull myself back together as I found adapting to being a mum a big struggle, I wanted plenty of time with my eldest, and I didn't want the next few years to be a blur getting through the baby stages. Our gap was 3 years 3 months and it's honestly been perfect for us, my eldest is so much more independent, he understands when I need to do something for DS2, I don't have to buy 2 lots of nappies, he has his nursery hours so I've had some alone time with DS2. I've had no difficulty going from 1-2 children and this is someone who felt shell shocked for a very long time having my eldest! I wouldn't describe it as hard work at all, in fact in many ways I find having 2 kids easier than 1 (I'm blessed with laid back boys, although the first 6 months were hard as hubby was away and DS2 wasn't a good sleeper so I don't want to make out it's been a bed of roses lol). On a selfish level it's important I still have a bit of my own independence, that I get some time alone and also with DH, for a few reasons a slightly larger age gap makes this a bit more do-able I feel. They are starting to play together now, I had a 3 year gap with my brother and we always played together. I don't think there's an overarching perfect gap for everyone, it depends on your circumstances, what you want from your family, the type of mum you are, for me I couldn't do a small gap, too much sacrifice too soon even though I know in the long term it would have been good, it depends on you and your hubby.

 

[MumToEva]

I have a 17 month age gap, and I love it. Being pregnant with a young baby was difficult for me, but once DS was born I got on fine. Probably helps that my first was a difficult baby whereas my 2nd was an easy baby, so it was never as bad as I expected. They entertain each other so well. Yes it has it's moments, but i actually prefer having 2 to having 1! And I don't have family close by.

Go for it!

 

[petite ping]

There is not that much difference between 18 months and 26 months. Both will be hard.

I have 19 months between mine and it is very very tiring. I love my two to bits but I hadn't realised just how hard it would be until the last few months of pregnancy when my lovely calm little girl started flexing her toddler tantrum muscles and started to become more demanding. I haven't had more than 4 hours sleep since giving birth. Even if you can get the baby to sleep, your toddler will be up at 6am ready to rock and roll. My two get on fairly well so I don't have jealousy problems.

My first was an "easy" baby, my second is not a difficult baby but you will find that you will have less time to dedicate to the second baby as you will need to take care of your toddler who will be at a really demanding age. So I can't take the time to feed my second calmly or to settle her to sleep properly as my first will be shouting for me to play or asking to go to the potty or stealing her sister's dummy or pulling at her sister's foot and waking her up. In the end my not so difficult baby became a not so easy baby. I have no time to give her the baby massages and all the stuff I did with my first. Now I just aim for is clean, sleeping well, clothed and fed and no extras.

On the other hand at 26 months, your eldest will be closer to school age so if you find it hard to cope, you know that there will be some relief in sight.

I don't regret the small age gap but with hindsight I would have waited at least 6 more months.

 

[Babybear85]

Fifteen months accidently between mine (best surprise ever mind) personally I found a small toddler and a baby ok it wasn't until my little one started walking at nine months that I found it hard. I find having two toddlers this close together very very hard indeed. Yes they play together, but they also both still need so.much input still. Still both in nappies my 2.5 year old wont potty train as his brothers still in nappies he's only eighteen months so too young. It's rough when they bith get poorly and u can't physically attend to both. I don't think I'd cope if mybuusbqnd wasn't around as much as he is. He works full time but not away. Everyone will give u a different reply but I'm jot bf on.a sugar coat it there's lots of positives but an equal amount of parts that arw hard too

 

[Bellaloo12]

Hmmm dont be fooled by the my first is an easy baby thing. I was and my 2nd ds was a nightmare. He didnt sleep for more than an hour he fed conatantly he has tantrum galore but i still love him to pieces and all babies are different and it hasnt put me off as had our 3 rd 7 weeks ago lol there are 2 1/2 years between ds1 and 2 and 2 yrs exactly between ds2 and dd and a 4 1/2 yr gap between the first and 3rd and i love close age gaps and everyone finds it different i would of had mine closet to b honest the only reason i didnt was because i struggled to lose baby weight and didnt want to be huge you go with what feels right i think no matter the age gap ots going to be tough at first enless your lucky enough to have anther easy baby lol good luck xx