Trying to hard?

[alisha1418]

So today as I was talking to my sister and she decided to tell me I was trying to hard with my step daughter.....
Long story short, my husband has a daughter who is 11 from a previous relationship. The mother isn’t always stable and was making wrong choices while she had A (11 yr old). Sadly in the past few years choices in her life were getting bad. Mother was abusing drugs, getting in violence situations. Doesn’t want nothing to do with my husband or allow him to see his daughter either.
Fast forward were my husband and I are finally able to move back into the city. We catch wind that “A” is in her grandmothers care and that social workers themselves were looking fo my husband.
So we made the choice to take her under our care. Go through the whole court process, jumping through the “hoops”.
We finally have her living with us for the past year.
Well we have to retrain “A” in something’s like keeping up brushing her hair, teeth. Everything. Have to teach her how to behave. Which we come to realize she didn’t have much room to grow properly with her mother.
As a step mother, I do my best and try everything I can to understand the abuse she went through.
But the thing is, I don’t understand why my sister says I’m trying to hard, or I’m involved to much in my husbands daughter relationship.....
I am mother myself to two daughters and one child on the way.

Any mothers feel as though they’re trying to hard in a sense that it’s wrong?

 

[Babybump87]

All am going to say is, your being a mother to her . I don’t see how you are trying too hard at all?!

I think it’s amazing you have taken her under your wing and treated her the same as your daughters it’s lovely I’m sure you will have a good bond and relationship with her .

I think the issue is more with your sister , has she been accepting of your DHs daughter ? .

Ignore her and anyone else your doing an amazing job for this little girl !

 

[seekjoydaily]

It sounds to me that you are trying hard to be a responsible and loving role model in your step-daughter's life. I'm not sure what your sister meant by saying you were trying too hard. You might want to ask her again for more specifics. Have there been specific things she has noticed that she is concerned about? If not, then I would talk to your DH and make sure that he is feeling that you are both on the same page regarding setting boundaries for your stepdaughter and see if he has any concerns. He is the one who matters most, not your sister. Just another thought, have you considered family counseling to help you as you work to establish a firm foundation for your family? This might help. Wishing you all the best.