TTC #1 on cd19 looking for buddies

[DiscoRia]

Hey, sorry I didn't get back to you yesterday, I got home and was so tired I slept, woke up to eat dinner and slept again!

I am still a little in shock, not really believing it and I tested yesterday and again today , just to make sure it was still real. It is still real I am just trying to trust my body and let go... The past couple of months for me have been really about learning to let go and stop trying to be in control. I started doing morning stretches and yoga which helps to really still my mind and makes me so calm and happy for the day. I also started doing yoga regularly at home too. I can't wait to join a prenatal yoga class!!

It WILL happen for you too! Just remember that it will likely happen when you least expect it. Also, don't try too hard for that honeymoon baby and you'll probably find yourself pg

Allergies really suck, but at least you can get tested soon. I'm lucky enough not to suffer, but DH has bad pollen and dust allergies and a few food allergies too. We've changed our diets a lot recently and I want to try and mix things up for him to help relieve some symptoms. Height of summer is not the best time though as he's dosed up with antihistamines regardless.

I'm not sure how I am going to make it through tomorrow at work, I'm so exhausted! The weather here is insanely hot (35C or more) and humid and my bedroom is like a sauna at night time so I'm just not sleeping properly. Waking up at least 7 time a night It rained a little today so is a couple of degrees cooler now, so I'm going to try and get an early night and catch up a little.

As for the pregnancy, so far I just have very sore nipples (same as pre af really) I-m somewhat constipated and having some strange stretchy cramp type feelings, like I strained my groin muscles... not at all like af cramps. I'll be sure to keep you updated on all the rest

Take care and write when you can xx

 

[Scarlet369]

Actually, I won't getting any tests done, oh has decided the health insURANCE is too costly, so I won't be getting it.... I'm so upset

 

[DiscoRia]

I'm sorry to hear that

Not good news here either... I started bleeding on Saturday and blood tests today pretty much confirm miscarriage. So i'm no longer pregnant.

I am utterly heartbroken. I have no other words to describe it. I don't know when I'll be back on here... I hope you're ok xx

 

[Scarlet369]

I'm so sorry to hear that, I hope you're ok. Just 'remember to look at the positive that now you know youre absolutely able to get pregnant, most women get pregnant again soon after a mc. Im thinking of you!

 

[DiscoRia]

Hey,

I'm actually doing ok.... Something happened while I was dealing with the sadness and the grief and I was able to face it all fully, accept it for what it is, embrace it and let it go. I feel like a different person... I've struggled with feelings of guilt and sadness all my life. I've used not so productive ways to cope with my overwhelming feelings in the past, but this time I chose not too. I realised (thanks to my husband and one of my closest friends) that I am stronger than this.

I am able to see the positives now and I am choosing to hold onto those rather than the pain and the sadness. I feel stronger, more hopeful and more trusting of my body and it's abilities.

You're right... Now at least I know I CAN get pregnant. I also know that something wasn't quite right with my pregnancy and my body recognised that and I miscarried (as opposed to experiencing a missed misscarriage). Not only that but my scan yesterday confirmed that everything has been passed naturally, so my body was able to do that too. The doctor said that we can start trying after my next period as there were no complications etc, so I view that as the best possible outcome right now.

I am still sad and still hurting, but I am dealing with it day to day.

Everything will be ok. Of that I am sure

 

[DiscoRia]

ps, how are you doing? Did you do anything fun for 4th of July?

 

[Scarlet369]

My 4th was pretty good, my birthday is the fifth so with all the picnic and fireworks, and turning 26 we had a busy week.

My period is all messed up, I'm spotting a week early again. I don't really understand why my cycle will be exactly the same amount of days for like 5 mos and then all the sudden gets screwy. I am a little overwhelmed with wedding stuff, but I ddint think it would mess me up.

I've been feeling so sad that I'm not going to be able to go to th obgyn since we aren't getting the health insurance, and even more sad because of your mc. I just had this overwhelming happiness for you, I was telling everyone, and now I just feel mopey.

It's probably all magnified now from the wedding and my screwed up hormones, but know I am just keeping you in my thoughts hoping you conceive quickly this time around.

 

[Scarlet369]

So my spotting lasted 4 days, went away for 2, and now have af. I've been doing some research and am pretty sure I have low progesterone levels. I was just researching what could cause spotting before your period is due and low progesterone came up, then I was searching what causes bad cramping and heavier flow some months and that is low progesterone too! It also causes bad acne which I have and facial hair, which I have and thought was just genetic! I am more irritable on months I spot. Also my last blood test showed I was anemic, and most women who have low progesterone have anemia.... this would make sense why my cycles are regular again but screwy. Trying to decide if I should try some supplements

 

[DiscoRia]

Hey lovely,

I'm sorry that you were feeling down, I hope things are a little brighter for you?

As for stress screwing with your cycle, our hormonal system is a matter of such delicate balance that even if you don't feel particularly stressed, it can and often will be enough to affect your hormonal balance and the first thing to suffer is our reproductive system. Don't feel too bad that your cycles have gone a little crazy, it is only to be expected what with your wedding coming SO SOON plus worrying about it will not help

As for low progesterone, I don't know huge amounts about it, but I do know that in western society we are becoming more and more oestrogen dominant. Instead of heading straight to supplements, have you thought about trying to rebalance your hormones in a more natural way? Tell me if I'm being too forward, but I am trying to make big shifts in my life and I always try to think of ways to treat the cause rather than the symptom. So ideas can be to adjust your diet, maybe use some yoga poses that aid in balancing the endocrine system and finding ways to lower your stress levels which can mess with sex hormones? If this isn't the right path for you, then that's ok. I guess I'm just a bit worried at the idea of you taking supplements that you may not need that could cause more harm than good Especially if you haven't had any testing that shows you definitely have low progesterone levels. Make sure you look at all possible routes before deciding on one

Please don't take the above as me preaching to you, I just want what is best for you

How is the wedding planning going? I hope everything is falling into place and you don't end up pulling late nights for the entire two weeks before the big day just to get everything finished, like I did

I am doing ok. We spent a lazy weekend in the mountains and now I am beginning my first of four weeks off work. I have plans for decluttering the flat and my belongings as I'm feeling a bit weighed down by my worldly posessions right now.

I've been trying to attend to my emotional needs as much as I can, and I have good days and bad days. A friend at work found out she is pregnant, her dates are pretty much the same as mine were... so that was pretty difficult. She's already been signed off work (because of the way things work here, if you work in a school and they can't reassign you to another, lower risk job, you take early maternity as soon as you give your doctors certificate in) and I was envious and sad, but mostly happy because she deserves to have her baby as much as anyone else in the world and her situation has absolutely no bearing on mine.

I am trying to keep everything in perspective. It's been 4 weeks since the mc and whenever new situations pop up, like this weekend - seeing the in laws for the first time since the mc, I feel a bit wobbly and sensitive and inevitably end up crying about it all, but it's all part of my process I guess.

I am waiting for AF to show up now. I'm expecting to start in a week (judging by my cm) but maybe I'll have to wait a little longer for things to go back to normal? Right now I am trying to not let myself fall back into that obsessive place where I must track everything and try to maintain the illusion of control, but be relaxed and enjoy all the aspects of life, not just ttc and living for the hope of having a baby.

Soooooooo.... after this huge essay of a post, I really hope you are doing ok and that the wedding plans are all on track and that I too and doing ok. One day at a time xx

 

[Scarlet369]

wedding stuff is nowhere near done, i have tons to do still and its very overwhelming at times, but I have received a lot of RSVPs back and its nice to be getting that estimate of who is coming and who isnt.

Ive been so forgetful lately, it isnt like me at all, I keep forgetting thing people told me, mixing up dates, losing important things (ie I lost my wallet, state license and social security card then I lost my phone; which thankfully we found, and now i cant find my bank card)

I just want this wedding to be over with so I can have my brain back!!

 

[DiscoRia]

Hugs xx

It will get better! Try and take some time off for you. Have a bath or go for a walk or get a massage or something where you must not think about the wedding

 

[Scarlet369]

is there such a place?

 

[DiscoRia]

Yes, it can be hard to find though hugs xx

 

[DiscoRia]

Hey Scarlet, how are you? How was your wedding?? I hope you're enjoying wedded bliss

I'm not doing so well... had such obvious pg symptoms this month. agonising and veiny boobs from only a few dpo, twinges and tightenings that I felt with the previus pregnancy but not on non pg cycles and nausea kicked in on tuesday... I got a bfp on Thursday but started spotting on friday and today it turned into a full painful bleed.

I'm so sad to be here again... I cried so hard at the thought of this being my fate to get pregnant and lose the baby over and over again, but I don't want to feed my fears. I can't fall into that mind set.

Sigh.

So back to ttc. Maybe this month we'll be luckier? I hope the next baby sticks

Oh and we made an offer to buy and apartment this morning. We're 98% certain it will be accepted, but it will be confirmed on Monday. Fingers crossed!

I hope you're well xx

 

[Scarlet369]

i dont know what happened but i definitely responded to this last post a month ago. The wedding was great and were doing awesome.

I hope youre doing better since your last post. and Im really sorry about your losses but I'm sure the next one will be a sticky bean.

Did you get the apartment?

Im really frustrated that we still havent had any luck ttc. Do you think I should see a doctor?

 

[Scarlet369]

Hey, I saw your post in the one thread that you're on day 50something. I'm sorry to hear that, have you still been being even though your considering a break?

I hope your doing well.

As for me I am currently 4 days late. Had spotting Friday, Saturday and Sunday but I thinking it only continued because I was using tampons and the pressured on my cervix. I am too afraid to take a hpt, I keep thinking I will geysers af because of my cramps but I go to the bathroom every hour to check and there's nog even pink or brown spots.

I've gotten my hopes up so many times I'm a little reluctant, but just if you read thud before I well you I got either af or a bfp please keep me in your thoughts.

Missing your messages! Hope you doing ok. How's the apartment? Did up get it?

 

[Scarlet369]

I got a BFP!

 

[Scarlet369]

had a lot of bleeding this past week. Went to the Emergency room, my hcg levels look really good and doubled in 48hrs but we couldnt see anything on the ultrasound. I have another blood test tomorrow and they will let me know if I doubled or not Monday morning sometime.

Ive been really scared but trying not to worry. I should be about 6 weeks today but Im hope I just ovulated later than I thought as they said my numbers were good for 4-5 weeks.

 

[Scarlet369]

Its not good i have an ectopic. Have to have the Methotrexate shot twice. They said my Hcg is still only 1500 so I should be in the high success rate

 

[DiscoRia]

Scarlett, i'm so sorry *hugs*

I was so excited when I saw your test, but so sad to scroll down and see the rest of your news. How are you coping? I'm sure there isn't much I can say to help you right now, but I am here if you need to vent xx