TTC#2 with a special needs child...how far apart?

[HappiestMom]

our little girl has/had hydrocephalus caused by an anaplastic ependymoma (brain cancer but tumor fully removed and receiving no chemo or radiation, just MRIs every 3 months to monitor) as well as a global brain injury (think stroke but all over, not just one spot) so cerebral palsy like symptoms and has a VP shunt, trach, chemo port (not accessed unless meds are needed), and a g-tube. She is making steps towards recovery but very slowly and at her own pace. She is 1 year old on Monday and until her stroke even and her tumor removal was a perfectly normal developing baby. We have no idea how her recovery will go, if she will be the way she is forever, if she will miraculously recover within a year, or anything really, no Drs have been able or willing to put a time limit or a specific prognosis. We do want other kids, but I am torn between TTC#2 soon like we had initially planned or waiting for a few years. We dont know when or how she will recover, so I had to wait and wait thinking it will all get better if it actually doesnt and we wasted all that TTCing time.


If you have started TTCing or gotten preggie after you have a special needs child how hard was it adjusting and do you wish you had waited or wish you had started TTCing earlier? Would kill to have a crystal ball on this one lol...

 

[mummy2o]

Its up to you. There is no good time. I know one of my friends had 3 boys in 4 years and two have autism both quite severe but that's what they wanted. She wouldn't change it, but I swear she is super mum. Able to look after two demanding boys as well as another, manage to do every craft available, cook and have the cleanest house every time I go over! She never seems to run out of time!

I've waited 5 years due to other reasons, but if I was with the same dad as with my son probably two and a half years before trying. However, my son wasn't ever very hard, just time consuming with daily exercises with physio and his development. Like with a normal child there is no perfect time. Its when you feel ready to give your love and time to another child. I know a woman who waited 12 years before she had her second child. Not sure I can wait that long but you never know.

 

[AP]

I dont think theres a "right" time either. dont get me wrong, when i got pregnant again I thought "omg what have i done" but the benefits really show now, and they help each other developmentally, And T will never understand just how beneficial she was to A There are 22months (18corrected) between them

 

[HappiestMom]

Honestly the only doubts I have really come when Im tired haha...but even then I troop through it like I did when B was first born..so I guess its just natural doubt that anyone has before having a baby...

 

[Aunty E]

We don't have a toddler with complex physical needs, but she does have some unusual developmental needs. We had Teddy eighteen months after Imogen, and we find the small age gap has worked very well fo us. Teddy is catching up to Mog in terms of speech and things like cycling, which in turn seems to spur her on to achieve more. She is noticeably more conversational since Teddy started talking to her (babytalk and gabbling) and he helps her social development no end. Also, Imogen is a terrible walker, so with her being a bit younger than most older siblings, it was easier to find a good double buggy that would still fit her in.

 

[Nathyrra]

There's 17 months between my two boys. My oldest has Down Syndrome. It is very hard, I'm not going to lie. I'm tired all the time, neither of them walk yet.

Saying that though, my younger child is really really helping my oldest developmentally. They copy eachother. They adore eachother, and I know they are going to have a really special bond growing up.

Yes it's very hard. But it's transitory. And they are best buds.

 

[Peanut78]

My eldest was diagnosed when I was in my 3rd tri with number 2. I totally panicked about it, but as the other ladies have said it seems to help my eldest developmentally - he is spurred on by what his brother younger brother is doing. He also adores him, they are very close (although also fight of course )

 

[svg_]

I'm really worried about it.. we are TTC and I'm worried how Tyler will go and if he'll get jealous when he's older :/

 

[lilesMom]

Hey I know this is an older thread but I thought someone may still answer ;-)
Was anyone worried their next child would hve speqcial needs too and they wouldn't hve enough time and energy for 2 ?

 

[mummy2o]

I'm 100% sure that this child will also have autism, its genetic my side with everyone on my dad's side effected to various degrees including myself. To what degree I'm not sure yet, so its just a waiting game. I think with DS being so much older and happy to do things on his own it will be easier. However, that being said between this one and their next sibling there will be a small age gap with some luck, with a year or two so I would try and do their work together. I do have an amazing support system around me though and my mum helps out so much, as well as my OH who works from home and normally works in the evening as that's when he's the most creative (he's a game designer). I think once you work yourself into a routine it will be fine. Give it 3 months after this baby is born though and I will probably give you a different answer. Also according what is wrong, many things are just a one off, so I wouldn't worry to much, plus you can always ask for extra testing (again according to what is wrong)

 

[lilesMom]

Thanks for ur answer hon. Xx
I'm gonna wait a bit to decide.
Mine should be a one off. My baby had a stroke.
But I lost my first baby..Simon had s stroke so it kind of puts me off
I'm just a bit scared. ;-)
It's great u hve good support hon xx
I would too if I let them help but I don't.
I feel guilty if it's notme looking after him.
He needs extra care to what my family is used to nd they all hve their own small kids.
Plus I hate being away from him.
Maybe when he is a bit older il be better

 

[essie0828]

Hi lilesmom

I wonder about this a lot as well. DH and I wanted 2 kiddos pretty close together but after finding out DD has CP, I'm afraid to try again. We also have 3 previous losses so it's always a possibility we could have another special needs child. Some days I don't think I could cope and some days I think we could have another and survive. It's all so confusing

 

[lilesMom]

Hi essie xx
Sounds awfull but if Simon hadn't had a stroke id prob be trying already
Or def soon anyway.
But as it is . I think il wait till he is 2 ish and decide then.
He needs all of me for now anyway ;-)
But when we get to that stage I dont know if goin back to sterilizer and mt feeds etc will be attractive ;-)
Plus id be scared. If I had another mc . I wouldn't want Simon to seeme sad
nAnd I don't think I coyld hide it.
Oh well I've 2 yrs to ponder ;-)

 

[HappiestMom]

We have the boys now..they are 2 & 1/2 months old...however B has 24/7 nursing...without that..I would be stuck at home all day all the time...impossible to take them all out as B has to be in a stroller and obviously both of them have to be too lol...but I dont have any family close by so if you do have a lot of family to help then it wont be so bad especially with just one baby...twins definitely complicated stuff for us lol

 

[essie0828]

Wow MrsJerome you are a busy lady! Congrats on the double trouble How's your little girl doing?
I don't have a lot of family close by either. Closest is my mom who is 75 miles away, but she works 50 to 60 hrs a week plus commuting. I do have lots of financial support that enables me to stay at home with DD and coordinate her care. Her CP is mild to moderate in severity so her care is mostly therapy based. DH wants to try for a boy but I'm stalling him I feel like we just now starting sleeping properly and DD is closing in on 2!

 

[essie0828]

Lilesmom I am thinking of waiting till after DD is 2 as well. But that's just a few months away Scary stuff!

 

[HappiestMom]

she is good hun thanks for asking...she has her therapys once a week...she is soo smiley but has a temper too lol..thing the terrible 2s are hitting lol...she has been cancer free for just a bit over a year...her trach has been up-ed in size and her vocal cords are working but we are keeping the trach for now because of the likeliness of her cancer coming back and her vocal cords being compromised again.she also has cortical vision impairment but we are working on that as well...hoping her site is fixing and rewiring itself...that means that her eyes work but its just getting her brain to process and translate it all that is the problem...

 

[lilesMom]

Thanks mrs Jerome.
Hats off to u . I agree with essie.
U must be a busy lady. Xx
Beautifull kiddies are so worth the time and effort though.
I do hve lots of family close which is great .
But my parents are in their 70 s with some minor ish health trouble
And my ssiblings hve kids themselves.
Realisticly day to day it would just be me.
I'm sure when Simon is a bit older il prob be brave enough ;-)
I had 2 day labour too but that's wasn't that awfull actually.
Its a bit hazy now ;-)

Essie tge reason I think 2 ish cos between trying and being preg Simon be 3 ish and heading for play school
What age r u essie? Do u hve time to play with?
Don't answer that if u don't want to xxx
I'm just curious and wont be offended by non answer ;-)

Wow Mrs Jerome B has been through a lot.
Wishing her and u all the best xxx

 

[lilesMom]

I just noticed my ticker and realised Simon is close to 5 months where does time go!!!

 

[essie0828]

I just turned 31 so the clock is ticking I sorta want to be done with having babies before 35 so not too long to play with.

Wow, Miss B is a very strong little lady Hoping she makes a wonderful recovery.