TTC#4? Should I?

[gigglebox]

Hi b&b'ers--
I've been back and forth in my head for literally months about trying for baby #4. What are your thoughts? I know only I can decide what's good for my family but I appreciate any insight or opinions. I love the idea of a large family but fear the work behind it. Right now we have 3 boys -- 9, 4, and 3.

I am on the fence big time; afraid I'll regret it if we don't try and afraid I'll regret adding so much more work and chaos to the lives of our existing kids and us as parents...

 

[mrsoctavia]

I’m waiting for my coil out so me can ttc number 5! I have four girls. I was exactly the same as you and on the fence. But I know I’ll regret it if I don’t!

 

[RainbowBaby13]

I say go for it! I'm a bit bias because I wish I were ttc and would love to have a total of 4. 1 so far! I say go for it. I think the regret would be worse from not trying more than what the work would be behind having 4 kiddos. I wish you the best with whatever you decide!

 

[gigglebox]

@mrsoctavia how did you find the transition of 3 to 4? There will be a 4 year age gap between my youngest, I'm just hoping it's not too much (although there is a 5 year gap between my first and second and that was fine, so I don't know why I'm worried about it!)

 

[Babybump87]

Hey Giggle !
We were also on the fence about TTC baby no 4 and went back and forth for months. Not so much if we wanted another because we always said we would try for one more but more when the time was right.

Well we are currently expecting DS2 in May! He will complete our family perfectly . I am a tad stressed over having a newborn again and looking after 3 children with school runs, they are so stressful anyway and the housework etc.

I just think the hard work doesn’t last that long really DS is 3 in a few months and he’s so chilled out . DD1 is 9 and DD2 is 6 . So my girls tend to go off with each other after school and do their own thing .

I do agree that the regret may be worse!

Good luck with your decision !!

 

[gigglebox]

hey @Babybump87 ! Thank you for your response. I have a very different situation -- my third is my toughest by far! He's a mama's boy and pretty emotional. My second is my chill kid. Also we homeschool....so it's a full load of kids 24/7. I'm hoping to make some homeschooling mom friends this year but it's tricky going places by myself with all of them as is, so I worry about a 4th....but I also realize by the time baby is born, I'll have a 4yo, 5.5 yo, and nearly 11 year old so they'll all be easier to manage I'm certain, they already are.

I'm leaning towards giving it a try, just don't know how to get hubby on board...!

 

[Babybump87]

Oh gosh can see why your torn ! Homeschooling is tough , I’m so thankful mine attend school much as I miss them I found out during lockdown it’s such a tough job ! So hats off to you for that one too !

Oh I worry about going places with 4 of them too! I pretty much take my mine everywhere with me. Sometimes DH will come or I will go with the in laws ! I’m sure it will all work out it always does somehow !

 

[gigglebox]

Haha you’re right, my husband and I have a phrase we always say to each other, “We’ll figure it out.” He also says, “we’re human, We can do anything!” Lol

honestly I really like homeschooling more than leaving my kids with people I don’t know. I have trust issues lol. But he likes it, and I really don’t think he’s a good candidate for public school anyway as he has some learning delays. But he’s doing well at home :thumbsup: we’ll see how the others do! But if they ever want to attend school we’d let them try. It’s just not our preference. Ds1 was in private school for a time but they suddenly closed. We can’t afford any of the other private schools around here so that’s how we ended up homeschooling.

 

[1234boymum]

Hey ladies this thread caught my eye, gigglebox my 3 were almost exactly your 3 ages when number 4 arrive and I definitely don't regret it. If u have that feeling I'd definitely pursue it like u all day that feeling of regret worse. If its on your heart and an option it's on there for a reason. Yes it's often mayhem. But if u have mastered 3 u can master 4 100% particularly if other 3 tiny bit older. We are just beginning to find our feet now that youngest a toddler is almost at pre school age, wouldn't change it for the world x

 

[gigglebox]

Thank you so much for your encouragement @1234boymum I think I am going to ask my hubby if we can go for it, at least for a try or two. If it doesn't happen I know I can be happy with 3 but I can't shut off my heart or my mind about it!
Also do you have 4 boys? My 3 are all boys A part of me is hoping for a daughter to complete our family, but I also am really warming up to the idea of having a fourth boy.

 

[1234boymum]

Good luck aw 3 boys is lovely, know what you mean about a girl, but that you'd be happy if another boy. Ours are all boys. It is a really nice vibe x

 

[gigglebox]

Just to update, after a serious conversation with my husband, we have decided to not try at this time. There are just too many logical reasons why it's a bad idea (money, the fact that we are just becoming more "free" with the ones we have as the youngest is older and almost potty trained), that we want to travel and that becomes complicated with a baby, etc. So many more things. My heart says "yes, please" but my head is screaming, "DON'T BE AN IDIOT!"

We did agree to reassess in a few months but he has a lot of legit reasons as to why three is enough, and I logically agree...so although I would love another kid at the table, I'm thinking it's not for us. Now to just be OK with that

 

[MrsKatie]

I will always remember reading an article saying how when you think about the size family you want, think past the first 5 years. It’s so easy to get stuck on the nitty gritty brutal early days of sleep deprivation, Sids fear, tantrums etc that often people base decisions on that alone. And obviously if the early days would do permanent damage (break a marriage, cause life-or-death health risks to the mother, etc) then it’s worth a lot more consideration. But think of holidays, family vacations, the general “vibe” of your family in years to come…

i also always had this strong feeling like someone was missing. Even when we were all together.

I am biased. I love having a large family. We will keep having children until I simply can’t anymore (I turn 40 in May, I realize this time is fast approaching). Every child is such a profound blessing that it outweighs any challenge, logistically or financially. Our fourth kid is a freaking angel, he makes life easier not harder cause he’s such pure joy. So far baby 5 is the same and I pray that we have more in our future.

i think if you’re wondering, the answer is YES. I think a fourth is in your future. I could be wrong. I also am someone who will clearly never feel “done”. Maybe some of us never have that feeling. I LOVE the baby stage too, so I have a hard time imagining a life without raising a little baby.

 

[MrsKatie]

Oh jeez- just read your last update, sorry!

 

[gigglebox]

@MrsKatie thank you so much for the feedback!! I do feel that same way, like we're missing someone. I get exactly what you mean. But I also absolutely do not want to try if my husband isn't totally on board, and he's not. He said he'd love more kids but we have a lot of factors against us, so maybe it's in our future, maybe it's not, and I think we will be OK with whichever

Thanks you for your response! I'm sure I'll be revisiting all this feedback down the road when I'm debating it again haha

 

[MrsKatie]

@gigglebox yes of course you both have to be on board! I have the blessing/curse that my husband also wants to have babies until I’m too ancient haha. So I would have to make the call to be “done” and I don’t think I can!

hugs, and good luck

 

[mrsoctavia]

@mrsoctavia how did you find the transition of 3 to 4? There will be a 4 year age gap between my youngest, I'm just hoping it's not too much (although there is a 5 year gap between my first and second and that was fine, so I don't know why I'm worried about it!)

I did not really notice it going from 3 to 4! Its easy once you get into the swing of it. I have four girls aged 11,9,5 and 3. Really excited about having another.

 

[Suggerhoney]

Hay hon.
Me And my husband have 4 kids. Aged 11' 9' 2' and 5 and a half months.
I absolutely love it.
I also have 2 grown children from my previous relationship ages nearly 19 and nearly 16.

I love having a large family.

I'm 42 now and I want another. I wud love to have that done feeling that some womon get but I absolutely love being pregnant and having a baby.
We will be trying for baby #5 from May and I'm really hoping it will happen.
I've gone a bit up and down with this tho and u know will we cope with possibly 3 under 4.
But I know if we don't try I will just get older and older and then will regret.
I don't even know how long I have left with my fertility..
I ideally wanted to hold out another year but with being 42 now I new it's best to start ASAP and i wss told by a doctor to start ASAP back in November.
I will be gutted if it doesn't happen and i don't think I will ever feel done.
I will always miss having a bump and feeling baby kick and scans and all the excitement.
And the newborn stage and baby stage. I just Love it all.
Even if we are blessed again I know for sure that that baby will have to be the last because even if I fall quickly. Which I know is unlikely. But say if I do then I will be due around this time next year and I turn 43 in December.
So I know there Definitely won't be any more after that. And I know it will feel very bitter sweet.

Going for 3 to 4 I didn't find it hard at all.
I wud go for it hon. Because u don't want to end up regretting not trying later on.

U got this hon. We're all here to support you too.

 

[Livvy]

Hey giggle we have 4 and it’s great. A way easier transition than 2 to 3, in my opinion. And my third is my “difficult” child as well. Also, we homeschool too! Trying for number 5 and our last, now.

 

[gigglebox]

Very exciting!! I do worry about our age gap though :/
Yay a fellow homeschooler!