TTC 40+ Move Us Back please

[Miss_C]

erm our ttc 40+ has been moved - wtf - My guess is the admins are 22 year olds that fall pregnant at the drop of a hat and have no idea what it is like for us. We are treated like freaks by most and have negative hurdles everyday and now we get put in with the masses again - and to move us where we are having to read through titles try now or wait when we have no choice to wait and every egg is valuable and cannot be wasted is frankly offensive.

TTC Over 35 and 40 is unqiue and difficult and getting out in with highly fertile or other unrelated struggles is like a slap in the face.

I can't find the exact right words but disappointed with the machiavellian way in whch it was done, no consult or explanation is insulting.

 

[Macwooly]

I don't really understand the rationale for moving the thread I'm afraid

Yes I'm fairly new to the thread but I have trawled through the general discussion section and TTC section and didn't hang around for long as steam was coming out of my ears listening to mid 20 year olds saying they were too old for babies

I love the 35+ section and due to my age the 40+ threads and now I find I am wandering around the site without a clue where to find threads relevant to me and all I want to do is check on the ladies who keep me sane and give me encouragement.

I think it speaks volumes that within 24 hours of moving 2 over 35+ threads from the section the members are upset and wanting their return to the over 35+ section.

Admin please respect your older members and move the threads back!

 

[sarahincanada]

has someone actually messaged a moderator? Im sure they will put it back once they read the requests. I know that any threads that turn into groups they move in there, I had a thread in the 2WW folder that ended up large that they moved. Im sure they did it without thinking being a bnb policy, and Im sure they will move it back

 

[Jax41]

Lets hope so, or else!!

 

[LLbean]

Here here!

 

[buttonnose82]

I posted this on another thread so will copy too here too


Threads like these are moved to the discussions and groups area because that is where the chatty type threads are supposed to go. This means that any questions and concerns others have & post about stay at the top of the page rather than keep getting bumped and possibly missed. This is across the board so please don't think your being singled out, groups from other areas (WTT, TTC ect) have also been moved for the same reason

Feel free too post the link too the thread in your signature so others can find it easily.



as for this part

My guess is the admins are 22 year olds that fall pregnant at the drop of a hat and have no idea what it is like for us

that seems very disrespectful considering a few over 35's areas have been added too the forum recently in support of over 35's on the forum

 

[Miss_C]

that seems very disrespectful considering a few over 35's areas have been added too the forum recently in support of over 35's on the forum

are you serious, you are obviously not over 35 or 40 ttc and have no idea what it is like to be bombarded with all the statistics etc and having to sift through all the young fertile people that think their world is collapsing after 3 attempts at ttc is a slap in the face. And not recognising that is totally disrespectful. To treat our "group" yes I acknowldedge it is a group the way you have done is the same as we get treated everyday, simply look at the number and swiftly move along.

By immediately clicking on an over 35 you know you wont be faced with all the other stuff, going into a general groups and discussions to find our "group" adds to the stress and pain. So I simply save a bookmark to take me straight to the thread and no wandering around the site, seeing any of your advertisiers or participating in other threads is the only way to go, now that to me is not what a forum should be about. It is a safe haven for many of us. Finding this site has been a lifesaver for me and so many others.

Losing a baby at 42 after 12 months of trying makes you feel like your last hope has gone but with time constraints you simply have to get back in the saddle and try again as soon as possible. Knowing you are safely clicking into an area where you won't get bombarded with the previous stuff mentioned is the reason the over 35 section is so important.

Do you perhaps understand now. You simply cannot mix up certain things in General TTC, would you move a group called TTC a Girl - desperate for Pink into he general groups for example when everyone else would just be happy for a healthy baby and not care what colour it was. Well it's the same, it hurts it stings and it is disrespectful.

 

[Shelley71]

I wish I knew how to set up a message board, because I would set one up that is ONLY for 35 and 40+. Otherwise, it looks like we are going to be forced to be subjected to all the bubbly, giggly 20 somethings who have NO idea what it feels like to have time running out.

I'll say it again, infertility happens to ALL ages, I GET that. But, what doesn't happen to all ages is the feeling of being outcast, OLD and the impending doom of the timer going off telling us oops, sorry - time is up. NO MORE CHANCES.

We don't have the luxury that a 25 year old has of the possibility of new technology and scientific discovery in a few years. A lot of us have very little HOPE at all. So much for coming to a place where we can commiserate with each other.

I feel very strongly that the Over 35 section should have all of it's own areas. I'm thankful for the BFP sticky, don't get me wrong. But, in light of the situation we are all in age-wise, I think it it's obvious that this "group" should have it's own threads, discussions, etc. that are completely separate to the rest of the site.

Just my opinion.

 

[minties]

Wow...not everyone in their 20's is a bubbly stupid airhead and can fall pregnant at the drop of a hat! I TTC for almost 9 years before having any success and I am almost 29. While I agree you guys need your own area, there is no need to resort to insults.

TTC, especially longterm (and I would think I qualify for that) is difficult at many ages and comes with it's own unique troubles. There is no way I could afford amazing new technology to have a baby at ANY age. I had to do it all the natural way.

I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate being labled like that (i.e, you're old and desperate...yeah doesn't sound nice). If you have an issue with a thread being moved, instead of taking it so personally, it's perhaps best just to PM a moderator and ask?

 

[StirCrazy]

How rude! You think patronising the admin (who are all 30+) wins you any brownie points? Unless you know thoses that moderate the forum (one of which eventually conceived via IUI after LTTTC and another spent a great deal of time in and out of hospital testing for problems), don't give lectures about problems TTC or fertility issues! I only got a PM about this about 12 hours ago (7 of which I was asleep). Maybe instead of stamping your feet we can act like adults while I have a look over things.

 

[StirCrazy]

Whilst we have moved two of threads back into TTC 35+, https://www.babyandbump.com/ttc-groups/355138-ttc-40-plus-lets-share-ups-downs.html, has not been.

'TTC Groups & Discussions' is used by ALL TTC forum, including those using Long Term Trying To Conceive, TTC After A Loss, Assisted Conception and Trying To Conceive Over 35 (infact there are more forums that are related to TTC problems using TTC Groups & Discussions than regular TTC).

TTC Groups was opened specifically threads sharing within a group, they belong in there. You can however subscribe to the thread so that you can easily navigate to it (and get updates) from your UserCP


And as for your comment:

that;ll teach them to screw with us old ducks

I can honestly say it taught me nothing. I will continue to run the forum fairly and with the same rules for ALL forums. Being that you have only been here 2 months, you'll have no idea that it wasn't that long ago that we bumped TTC 35+ to the top of the list of potential new forums for "old ducks" like you!

 

[Miss_C]

you really are missing the point aren't you and I am incredibly insulted and just reinforce everything I have ever thought about those that look at us as "old ducks" I came here after losing our baby. I found some incredibe support and the fact that it was so well moderated in that specific areas were set aside for the safety and security of the mental wellbeing of your members.

The sheer lack of understanding of what it is like ttc after the age of 35 and specifially over 40 is sad and disheartening. It has nothing to do with long term ttc, hell at 29 after 9 years of ttc that is awesome and good on her and I take nothing away from that. That however has NOTHING to do with this specific journey. At 35 or 40+ we don't have 9 years and every cycle is a ticking time bomb waiting to go off, it's not about infertility it is about time running out and every post and every thread that bangs home the fact that we are running out of time hurts 100 fold.

But as with miscarriage, loss of a child, infertility, all unique to every individual unless you have been there you simply cannot and will not understand.

As a moderator you should have stuck to the matter in hand, as explained above and the reaons and arguments put forward for not being sent into a general area of ttc discussion had nothing to do with someones 9 year journey at age 20. Now THAT is rude

 

[StirCrazy]

you really are missing the point aren't you

As a moderator you should have stuck to the matter in hand

I am not missing the point, and have stuck to the matter at hand: A TTC group was moved to the TTC group forum.
As pointed out, there are more TTC forums related to TTC problems using 'TTC Groups & Discussions' than regular TTC. You don't get special dispensation by stamping your feet and playing the 'you don't understand' card... and you make assumptions on MY age!

Now THAT is rude

I think you'll find that it you that is being not only rude, but insulting and belligerent!

 

[Miss_C]

ok answer me one question

what does a 20 year old struggling ttc for 9 years have to do with ttc at 40+ and anyone 40+ ttc would understand exactly what I was saying so a fair assumption to make.

 

[Miss_C]

TTC groups and discussions is open to anyone wanting to chat (on or off-topic) with others trying to conceive without venturing outside of your TTC comfort zone.

now there's a contradiction in terms

 

[StirCrazy]

I'm sorry, I can't see any 20 year olds TTC using your group(?) You'll have to link me to their post and I'll direct them to another group.

 

[StirCrazy]

TTC groups and discussions is open to anyone wanting to chat (on or off-topic) with others trying to conceive without venturing outside of your TTC comfort zone.

now there's a contradiction in terms

Your comfort zone being 'your group of TTC friends'. What about this are you not getting?
- You are given a designated area to have groups.
- You belong to a group thread
- The group thread was moved to the group area.
You don't have to surf though other groups to get to yours... either subscribe or bookmark it. It's exactly the same. You are given the same privileges as every other member on this forum.

You are just arguing for the sake of arguing now.

 

[Reb S]

hello,
I'm really rather upset at reading this. It doesn't matter to me where the thread is, but it obviously does matter to some and so I'm not quite sure why the thread can't be put back to where it was.
I'm LTTTC; previously AC; TTCafteraloss; TTC35plus; TTC40plus so I fall into all sorts of categories of the disaster that is infertility. I find the thread under discussion to be a complete lifeline - I left fertilityfriends.com after my IVF miscarriage as they didn't have a miscarriage support section - the TTC after a loss supported me here wonderfully until I could no longer bear to read it and needed to move on - then I found this thread. It simply keeps me going.
This particular thread has become extremely special to its members, hence the emotional language used in its defence. We support each other during the hardest time in TTC - when time is simply running out, in fact according to most statistics, has already done so. Most of us have miscarried; most have a really hard time TTC in the face of impossible odds. Some of us know that it is entirely possible we may have to face a life without children at all. When we have a BFP on our thread we shout it loud and clear, against the wishes of moderators, as we are so close we like to celebrate each others success, even in the face of our own failure. I was upset when the BFP sticky thread appeared and we agreed that on our single thread, we would keep the BFP announcements going to keep up morale that what we're trying to do is actually possible. Once again, members have been upset by the moderators decisions. Is it not possible just to leave us be, let us enjoy the huge support provided by your wonderful site?
To move back other threads, but leave ours seems to me to be a reaction to the strong language used - correct me if I am wrong. As Isaid, I don't mind where it is, although i do not wish to trawl through 'I've been trying for 3 whole months' threads to find it, but some do and what is a site for if not for its users? As moderators, surely it is possible to do what the users wish?
My hands are actually shaking as I write this, as BnB has become so important to me in my struggles and the thought of anything upsetting our thread really hurts. As my would-have-been due date approaches I need this thread more than ever. Please don't upset everyone.
Thank you for reading,
Reb

 

[Reb S]

PS I would never have found this thread if it had been in the groups when I joined...

 

[sarahincanada]

I understand both sides of the argument, the reason I understand BnB's side of the argument is because its their policy to move chatty threads into the groups folder. they do not want to start creating exceptions as then another group, saying the TTCing after a loss group, may then want to be moved back into the miscarriage folder and so on.

however if its a policy, why have 2 threads been moved back and not this one? that now goes against the whole idea that its a policy, and that is not fair!