TTC 40+ Move Us Back please

[StirCrazy]

I understand both sides of the argument, the reason I understand BnB's side of the argument is because its their policy to move chatty threads into the groups folder. they do not want to start creating exceptions as then another group, saying the TTCing after a loss group, may then want to be moved back into the miscarriage folder and so on.

however if its a policy, why have 2 threads been moved back and not this one? that now goes against the whole idea that its a policy, and that is not fair!

It doesn't have anything to do with threads being chatty. It has to do with if they are a group(?) The two thread that were moved back didn't entitly meet the criteria. One was a question thread that got chatty, and the other was a member wanting support from those TTC #1. The others where started as a group... hence moved to the groups.

 

[LLbean]

so let me verify...if a thread is started as a QUESTION but ends up chatty then that is ok, right?

I do understand the ladies and agree that 35+ is a whole other "animal" as they say...what about a "group" page only for 35+...as in a separate one from the general one? Is that complicated to do? as in "TTC group and Discussions for 35+"...separate from the rest.

I understand the attempt to integrate everyone but I can see how it is VERY different for the "advanced maternal age" as we are called in the medical field. Guess what I am saying is, even the doctors "label" us...which sucks really....so seeing as how the challenges are completely different perhaps a more defined page for the group and discussions would be appropriate.

 

[buttonnose82]

too make an exception for 1 group of people would mean we would have too make an exception too all groups of people and where would it end? We would end up with 5/6/7 separate sections all under another banner.

If the other group names in that section upset you then you can add the 1 thread you want too be apart of too your subscribed threads, this means you can quickly find your group without having too hunt through others which you might find upsetting, you can also add the link too your group too your signature so that new members that join you in the over 35's can also find & join your group without having too hunt through all the other groups

does that make sense?

 

[Indigo77]

Your comfort zone being 'your group of TTC friends'. What about this are you not getting?
- You are given a designated area to have groups.
- You belong to a group thread
- The group thread was moved to the group area.
You don't have to surf though other groups to get to yours... either subscribe or bookmark it. It's exactly the same. You are given the same privileges as every other member on this forum.

You are just arguing for the sake of arguing now.

And as for your comment:

that;ll teach them to screw with us old ducks

I was upset when the BFP sticky thread appeared and we agreed that on our single thread, we would keep the BFP announcements going to keep up morale that what we're trying to do is actually possible.

This is precisely why the thread belongs in the Group section.
It is your group's thread....
You and others have a sense of ownership for this thread and have made this decision among yourselves, without consideration for how others may feel if they happen to stumble across this thread and read about BFPs unexpectedly. I, personally, love hearing about BFPs, anytime and anywhere, but there are others that do not.

The moderators cannot accommodate everyone all the time, and I think they do a wonderful job of trying to do what's best for the forum, AS A WHOLE. They have been quite accommodating so far, and I wouldn't be surprised they were now feeling like 'give them an inch and they'll take mile'.

I am finding this behavior immature and elitist and your views on all this quite myopic. I only hope that the moderators do not get fed up with all these entitled attitudes and take away the 35+ section altogether.

Now, I do not wish to offend anyone, but this is becoming ridiculous, and frankly, embarrassing. This is precisely the reason I try not to venture out of the 35+ section. I expect a bit more maturity and sensitivity here....and now you are ruining it for me!

 

[LLbean]

too make an exception for 1 group of people would mean we would have too make an exception too all groups of people and where would it end? We would end up with 5/6/7 separate sections all under another banner.

If the other group names in that section upset you then you can add the 1 thread you want too be apart of too your subscribed threads, this means you can quickly find your group without having too hunt through others which you might find upsetting, you can also add the link too your group too your signature so that new members that join you in the over 35's can also find & join your group without having too hunt through all the other groups

does that make sense?

I see what you are saying...again, I don't have a major issue but understand the issues...just like when you asked to not post BFPs on there...frankly I love to see them but not everyone does...

I get my feeds from the user CP but do wonder around now and again to see what new stuff is out there that I may have missed. To add stuff to the signature could get limiting as we have a cap on the amount of stuff there... and I do have the baby for 2012 with my banner ;-)

I for one like to keep things positive as I feel that only brings about more positive things to us. I am up there in "age" when it comes to baby making yet I try not to think about it too much...but then again I do have one daughter (she is 20) so perhaps that is why? People all think differently and it is hard to please everyone. Guess this site has created a safe haven for those who have had many challenges like mc's and such so they felt this was HOME... and now things changed and most people don't like change, especially as we get "older"...

I know everyone has very busy lives and I can only imagine how challenging it must be to keep up with everything on this site BUT maybe if things got corrected right away then perhaps people would be more accepting? I am not a computer wiz, but I know how some words are no nos and are automatically changed when tried to publish...is there a way to set it up where if things don't fit into the site rules they could be automatically notified and switched to the right place?

 

[buttonnose82]

the forum is huge and we can't possibly check every thread as their are thousands of posts made daily, thats why we rely on our members too use the 'report post' button if they think a thread is in the wrong area then we can move it quickly, we do try too keep an eye on all areas but with over 130,000 members you can imagine how difficult/crazy it can get

 

[LLbean]

the forum is huge and we can't possibly check every thread as their are thousands of posts made daily, thats why we rely on our members too use the 'report post' button if they think a thread is in the wrong area then we can move it quickly, we do try too keep an eye on all areas but with over 130,000 members you can imagine how difficult/crazy it can get

Oh I understand but that is why I mean some sort of automated thing...guess it would be hard to do. I was on a weight loss one that once the thread got longer than a certain amount of replies it would send an alert and it would be shut down or whatever...so that is why I ask.

So what you are telling me is that someone reported our threads to you and that is why they got moved?

 

[buttonnose82]

the forum is huge and we can't possibly check every thread as their are thousands of posts made daily, thats why we rely on our members too use the 'report post' button if they think a thread is in the wrong area then we can move it quickly, we do try too keep an eye on all areas but with over 130,000 members you can imagine how difficult/crazy it can get

Oh I understand but that is why I mean some sort of automated thing...guess it would be hard to do. I was on a weight loss one that once the thread got longer than a certain amount of replies it would send an alert and it would be shut down or whatever...so that is why I ask.

So what you are telling me is that someone reported our threads to you and that is why they got moved?

no, not in this case, in this case it was just spotted when mod's/admin were just going through areas of the forum, all I meant was, if people do spot threads in the wrong area if they use that button we can move them before people get too used too where they are and it causes upset when they are finally spotted and moved

am I making sense lol it's been one of those days

 

[LLbean]

no, not in this case, in this case it was just spotted when mod's/admin were just going through areas of the forum, all I meant was, if people do spot threads in the wrong area if they use that button we can move them before people get too used too where they are and it causes upset when they are finally spotted and moved

am I making sense lol it's been one of those days

yes I get it. I think 35+ should have it's on place but like you said then all groups would want their place (which may not be a bad idea really LOL)...Have sub-divisions...a TTC group and under there you have the sub groups (35+ or first timers or ethnic backgrounds etc)...yeah I like to organize LOL

well sorry all the changes have back lashed. Guess I don't get why they needed to be moved in the first place as they were in the 35+ area, but you have your rules I guess. Maybe I missed it BUT...do you have all the rules and regulations written down on a page that people MUST see before you sign up? Maybe that would help... and you could refer people back to it if needed, just a suggestion, to avoid conflict and hurt feelings. I know most of us just take the "yeah yeah" approach and agree to stuff but don't actually read it BUT if it is there you can send people back and kind of cover your back

 

[Wobbles]

erm our ttc 40+ has been moved - wtf - My guess is the admins are 22 year olds that fall pregnant at the drop of a hat and have no idea what it is like for us. We are treated like freaks by most and have negative hurdles everyday and now we get put in with the masses again - and to move us where we are having to read through titles try now or wait when we have no choice to wait and every egg is valuable and cannot be wasted is frankly offensive.

TTC Over 35 and 40 is unqiue and difficult and getting out in with highly fertile or other unrelated struggles is like a slap in the face.

I can't find the exact right words but disappointed with the machiavellian way in whch it was done, no consult or explanation is insulting.

Pardon!!?

Maybe you should think about how you talk about people (especially on their own website) prior to actually posting it. I will inform you that as one of those admins you talk about that I am 30 years of age, not 22 and I went through A LOT of heart ache prior to becoming a parent and it was that heart ache that ever made BabyandBump exist.

I find your post personal and pretty ignorant

 

[Reb S]

Indigo - I don't know how to use the quote button - but our decision to keep the BFP's is in code - we jokingly suggested posting Holly when we're sure of a BFP.
Stircrazy - I wrote my response thoughtfully and carefully. A response would have been appreciated, but having done my best for those on the thread who were upset, I'm giving up. Put us where you want, but please consider my comment that the site is for the users.
Thank you

 

[StirCrazy]

Reb S,

Other threads aside, I have explain in this post (which Indigo77 summed up beautifully) as to the reasoning why the thread was moved:
https://www.babyandbump.com/trying-...tc-40-move-us-back-please-3.html#post10440490

 

[Miss_C]

Wow...not everyone in their 20's is a bubbly stupid airhead and can fall pregnant at the drop of a hat! I TTC for almost 9 years before having any success and I am almost 29. While I agree you guys need your own area, there is no need to resort to insults.

TTC, especially longterm (and I would think I qualify for that) is difficult at many ages and comes with it's own unique troubles. There is no way I could afford amazing new technology to have a baby at ANY age. I had to do it all the natural way.

I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate being labled like that (i.e, you're old and desperate...yeah doesn't sound nice). If you have an issue with a thread being moved, instead of taking it so personally, it's perhaps best just to PM a moderator and ask?

and why are you in an over 35 section and contributing to a 40+ thread

see this is EXACTLY what we face on a daily basis. well intentioned as it may well be.

and for the record being over 40 is not about being infertile it's about time running out and running the race to beat the odds. it's not about long term ttc either so whilst you cannot relate to how we feel I cannot relate to how you feel, having nine years up my sleeve to keep trying sounds like a gift sent from above to me. And that is meant as no detriment to you. It's pointing out the chasm of difference between circumstances and understanding. I am truly sorry your journey has been so long and tough. Personally don't think I would have had the strength to carry on for 9 years but unless in that situation I have no grounds or right to comment.

 

[Miss_C]

Pardon!!?

Maybe you should think about how you talk about people (especially on their own website) prior to actually posting it. I will inform you that as one of those admins you talk about that I am 30 years of age, not 22 and I went through A LOT of heart ache prior to becoming a parent and it was that heart ache that ever made BabyandBump exist.

I find your post personal and pretty ignorant

and again the point is missed - 30 years of age is not I repeat NOT 40+ you still have a good 10 or more years up your sleeve - and therein lies the difference.

Even this thread had "contributors" adding their 2 cents worth - well intentioned as they may be but again miss the point entirely. To which I have responded.

I will apologise for the unsubtelty to my words, but won't apologise for the place from which they came and still stand by what I said but without the rudeness.

The lack of empathy and only adressing certain points made which were taken personally and total lack of support shown is rude in my book too. I do not wish to argue to the point with a faceless person who has no chance of understanding as I said in my response to the 29 year olds post, I have not been a long term ttcer so can therefore not relate and there is no correlation between the two. So I guess I cannot expect you to understand where I am coming from either.

However as a moderator I would expect a more balanced view point that looks specifically at the topic in hand and not to try and draw parrallels to those which are so diametrically opposed that the only common ground is the desire to have a child.

 

[Wobbles]

The issue raised in this thread was reviewed to by another admin that however didn't mean your other comments should have gone unnoticed.

Thank you for the apology.

 

[Charlotteee]

Just because your 40 doesn't mean you will be the only one to struggle to TTC?!! Stop being so stuck up your own behind! Your not the ONLY woman struggling to have a baby!

 

[Miss_C]

Just because your 40 doesn't mean you will be the only one to struggle to TTC?!! Stop being so stuck up your own behind! Your not the ONLY woman struggling to have a baby!

you nasty selfish inconsiderate person - 40+ has it's own unique set of issues and is not about struggling to conceive or infertility etc. 40+ carries the highest rate of unplanned pregnancies outside of teenagers so it's not about infertility its the issue that come with it that ALL other age categories and fertility issues do NOT have to experience. Do you have a 50/50 chance of miscarrying, do you have a ticking clock that says you only have a few eggs left and you gotta catch a good one cos the chances of genetic abnormalities are sky high too.

If you had bothered to take the time to consider this you would not have posted what you did. you have no clue

And so adds confirmation to the initial request to keep us in an area specifically for age related issues

 

[xxxjacxxx]

Just because your 40 doesn't mean you will be the only one to struggle to TTC?!! Stop being so stuck up your own behind! Your not the ONLY woman struggling to have a baby!

Absolutely NO need for this comment Charlotte

 

[LLbean]

Just because your 40 doesn't mean you will be the only one to struggle to TTC?!! Stop being so stuck up your own behind! Your not the ONLY woman struggling to have a baby!

Wow...classy. Seriously no one was trying to offend and yes, there are some things that get worse as you age when TTC... it is called running out of time really quick. People can have issues at any age BUT "generally speaking" more battles to fight after 35, and more so after 40. You truly can not compare. Trying for years when you are in your 20's is bad enough, when you are past 40 you know you only have months!

 

[Vickie]

Just because your 40 doesn't mean you will be the only one to struggle to TTC?!! Stop being so stuck up your own behind! Your not the ONLY woman struggling to have a baby!

The decision has been made already so need to add fuel to the fire with posts like this.

I'm closing this thread to avoid further hurt feelings etc.