TTC after Stillbirth

[AngelMomB]

Hi everyone. I'm new to this site.

A little background. I got pregnant in Nov 2016 with a girl. Unfortunately, we lost her at 25 weeks gestation in April of 2017.

Here we are almost a year to the day and I just stopped my birth control. I am very nervous. We never got any answers as to why we lost Hailey. All testing came back normal.

I didn't realize how scared I would be until we started having sex without protection. I almost want to leave work and go home and take my bc.

Has anyone here suffered from a late loss? I need some positive thoughts. Thanks.

 

[BabyBrain80]

Hi AngelMomB, I just wanted to say I'm so very sorry for your loss My losses have all been early, 7-9weeks, but I understand the fear of trying again. X

 

[LilFooshFoosh]

Hi AngelMomB, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I wasn't quite as far along as you, I was about 17.5 weeks when I went into labour with my second. If you are not feeling ready to try again, I would seriously consider waiting a little bit longer if you have the time.

I got pregnant again within a couple of months of losing our baby and the pregnancy was very challenging mentally and emotionally for me. I was referred to a Maternal, Fetal Medicine specialist who was very understanding and monitored me weekly for all of second tri. It helped tremendously. They also had counselors on staff to help deal with the fears and grief.

We are expecting again now and I have my first MFM appointment next week. This time around things have been a little easier, I'm not as scared though I still have my moments.

Please take care of yourself. Is there someone you can talk to about your worries? maybe you got a reference for a grief counselor after Hailey was born? If not, could you talk to your obgyn about trying again and ask about how your pregnancy will be handled this time around?

 

[mrsmummy2]

I'm so sorry for you're loss

I have not suffered a late loss, but I have just gone through an early loss (7 weeks) and although I am eager to start again I am also very nervous that a) something will go wrong again and b) my anxiousness will make me struggle to enjoy the pregnancy. I am just trying to hold on to hope that life will be kind and give me a happy healthy 9 months and a healthy beautiful baby at the end.

If you aren't sure if you're ready it may be worth holding off if you can until a time when you feel more ready to start. It's probably worth talking with a grief counselor or even just your doctor/midwife to explain all your worries and see if they can help in any way.

Good luck

 

[loves_cookies]

I'm sorry for your loss.

My situation is slightly different to yours, I went into labour spontaneously at 19 weeks last November and my son passed away shortly after birth. I'm now about 6 weeks pregnant. This time my care will be directed by my bereavement midwife at a clinic for pregnancies after loss. We'll draw up a plan if we get through these first few weeks but I'll likely have weekly monitoring throughout 2nd tri. Will you be able to draw on something similar? It may be helpful for you to find out how you'll be cared for next time. I had a clear plan on what I needed to do when I got a positive test when we were given the green light, I think it helped me to have a plan in place so I knew what to do. My bereavement midwife has also been through our loss journey with us, so she knows my history which is also reassuring.

To a certain degree I think what you're feeling is normal. Any pregnancy after loss is emotionally charged and anxiety inducing. Coming off your birth control is adding a layer of reality to potentially experiencing another loss. I knew I'd feel anxious when I got my bfp whilst we were trying, but it still caught me out as to how anxious I felt, because I've consciously put myself in a situation that could cause me and my family tremendous pain. My husband views it more as a risk/reward situation though. I hope that sounds okay, I'm struggling to find words to what I'm trying to say.

It may be worth finding a counsellor who can talk through your worries though. I only managed to start bereavement counselling a week before I got my bfp and i'm finding it helpful to reframe my anxious thoughts. The most common being turning the what if thoughts into what if it doesn't.

 

[AngelMomB]

Thanks everyone. Unfortunately, that day, I went home and took my birth control out of fear. I have now stopped again, and will try to get through this. I want a baby so badly and I can't let this fear control me. I have seen therapists and talked with my doctor... and I believe they are right. There is no getting around the fear of this. Its going to be scary. I just have to work through and manage it. My doctor told me she expects I might need extra visits for peace of mind, and she is good with that.

Thanks for all the replies and condolescenes