Earlier I posted on FB about hiding in the bathroom from my kids who were driving me crazy and one of my friends made the comment, "You seem really stressed and sad. I hope you don't take offense but it just seems like maybe you should go to a doctor and have your thyroid and stuff checked? Just seems more than mommy exhaustion and I've been worried about you to be honest."
I didn't take offense or anything like that but it's just a little weird to me that someone noticed anything I guess. It FEELS like more than mommy exhaustion but I have no idea. She's like the 5th person to suggest having my thyroid checked but honestly... I've had it checked twice before and it was borderline off but not off enough to take medication or anything like that. I'm just so over everything. It's not even PPD, I just don't know what it is. Stress, anxiety, regret, sadness, anger, all of it. Two weeks ago I started taking a daily multivitamin and several days ago added a B-Complex to it and started drinking some Naked instead of soda and I really don't feel any better.
And I'm tired of advice from everyone (be it about my kids, household things, money, life, etc) about things I already know. I just feel like everyone always talks to me like I'm stupid just because I'm so overwhelmed or stressed all the time.
And pretty unrelated to all of that, I hate that my family isn't close with each other. My brother's 22 and all he does is work early in the morning, sleep all day and hang out with his friends and get stoned or drink. My sister is 23, works full-time, goes to school full-time, her and her boyfriend just bought a house and are remodeling it (it was a foreclosure or something...) I work with her and I literally don't even talk to her anymore. We used to be best friends but she's so wrapped up in her own life now. I mean... that's fine because it's been that way since they started dating 5 years ago (almost 6 years now, I think...) but before my maternity leave with Leah we would still talk all the time at work or even via text. Now? We'll see each other at work and MAYBE say "hi" to each other. I'll text her every so often and MAYBE I'll get a response. Back in April we had Hannah's bday party and my grandma was there and made a comment about my sister's health and said she's got a lot going on, she's not doing great... I have no idea what the hell she's talking about or what's going on. My mom will go spend a day at my sister's new house to help her garden (and my sister will fill her in on everything in her life, which is how my grandma knows about everything) but my mom won't come to my house to watch the girls while I shower, clean, do whatever I need to do. I mean she babysits them while we work which I'm grateful for but that's not the same thing. She comes to drop Autumn off at my house and she's already talking about how she's gotta get back home before she's even in the door. I don't know... I feel like everyone in my family talks to each other and for whatever reason, I've been shut out. OH's family lives in Virginia, like 8 hours away and we rarely hear from them. His brother lives here but barely even talks to him or hangs out with him. Neither of us really have any friends... I mean, I have one friend who I go hang out with 1-2 nights a week after work to go tanning at her apartment complex but that's it... we go tanning and I come home. I just feel so isolated on top of all the stress, feel like nobody gives a damn about us, like we're a burden to associate with. So on top of all the other stress and crap going on, I've got that just floating around my head all the time.
Sorry to vent, I just needed to finally get that out somewhere.
Related to my kids - going to see about getting Leah to her doctor tomorrow to discuss reflux. I called Monday and they said to call the morning of the day I want to have her seen and schedule it as a same-day appt. Since I have off work tomorrow, I figured it'd be the easiest day to try... so hopefully we get in and get some answers.
I know I'm pregnant again and hopefully this time things will work out but I can't help being sad about what we've lost.
Family's suck sometimes! My sister and I used to be really close until she split with her husband and went a but wild. She knows about my miscarriages etc and I've never had so much as even a text from her. She lives 45 minutes away but has recently learnt to drive. She comes to our town but hasn't visited me yet!
