TTC but husband isn't interested

[4567hgfd]

I know my husband loves me. I know he wants children. I know we're best friends, and neither of us could loive without each other. But he's 44 and I'm 32 and he still can't (in his words) "prioritize" making a baby. His work is still so much more important. It doesn't help that he only really gets an erection about once every two weeks. He has no sex drive. He looks at me with love but not with passion. We've tried Viagra but he likes to "save it". WTF?

As you will all know, the problem is so much more complex than my ineloquent rant above. I'm not some pathetic wife who doesn't try to be horney, or try to make him horny - I give him hints, then bigger hints, then even bigger hints. I make myself horny then go to him. I text him in the day to try to prepare him. But I can't cope with crying nearly every day. I have two christenings to go to this weekend and it's just hard. I'm miserable and I can't let on to my best friend how bad it really feels because it make him feel so inadequate.

We moved to the country to try to change our lives enough to get preggers and it's still not happening. People keep asking when we're going to have a baby and I've started telling the truth - he works too hard.

AAAAArrrggghhh. Sorry. Very unhappy x

 

[WinterSong4]

I am so very sorry this is happening My DH (dear husband) has the same issue with low sex drive. ALMOST just as bad as yours. TRYING to get pregnant is really not a good thing anyways just because it will only cause stress to you and your hubby. Been there done that lol.

DH and I have been "trying" for almost 4 years and no success (except back in June but didn't stick and AF arrived). Because of the lack of success and stress over the years, we have decided no more trying. Just going to have fun with it.

I know in your situation it may be harder given the fact your hubby is not "switched on" so it might be tricky. Is there any reason why he is sooo into his work? What does he do? May I ask how long you 2 have been together? And, have you asked why he wants to save the Viagra? lol. Perhaps I should suggest slipping it to him in a drink or food....

Darn...I have to head out with the family for dinner so I can't type everything out I wanted to right this second haha. I will come back to this later

 

[Armywife84]

What's he saving the Viagra for? A day?

Before you two said your vows, I'm assuming you had the discussion about children and he agreed that he wanted them too? Has he always been a workaholic?

Given your age, I would put my foot down and say it's now or never with TTC. You're both not getting any younger and remind him of his promise of a family. Tell him that children is a MAJOR priority to you, as it should be to him. If you can't settle down to have a family because of his work, when will you be able to? When he's 60 and retired? That's too late. Present your case and see what he says. If he still brushes you off and doesn't want to TTC, then ask him to give you a time (date) of when he wants to start trying. Hopefully he'll get on the same page with you, give you the support you need, and do his part in TTC.

 

[nik25]

I'm so sorry you are going through this! They just have no idea the worry and stress we go through! My dh is a farmer, so as I Type this at 11:30 pm we are drying corn and this is day 14 (clomid 5-9) for me so it's the day to bd and he is really tired also last night we tried but he just wasn't into it... Ugh how are we supposed to try...when we dint even bd?! Sorry for the rant but I know just how you feel. Message me if you new to talk! This is your month I can feel it

 

[SA JennyPenny]

Am so very sorry u r having a tough time hun! I have exactly the same with my hubbi..after 5 yrs of TTC it has single handely RUINED my sex life. Now its like I have to throw myself at him and then. He can get and keep an erection. Men r funny creatures...stress affects them a lot! My hubbi when asked about it said he's petrified to get my pregnant again and I lose it..he said he can't bear to see me in such pain..so its all such a flop! (

 

[Deb111]

Just saw the title of this thread and just wanted to pop in and send you a hug

My husband has no sex drive whatsoever and I lost count of the number of times I cried myself to sleep when I knew it was the right time to and he was 'too tired' again We both desperately wanted a family, but he could never be bothered to do anything about it for one reason or another. Turned out we had much bigger issues to deal with than this, but I know where you're coming from.

I know you say the work issue is a big part of it, but as far as the lack of sex drive goes, it might be an idea to try to get his testosterone level checked. I wish there was more I could suggest to help and I really hope you are able to get he to discuss it properly soon xx

 

[nik25]

Hope you had a better day today

 

[WinterSong4]

Thinking of you!!

DH and I was on a role last week right after AF ended! But, that was short lived lol. We BD'd 3 times last week, then haven't since the 16th....Argh..

Being on vacation last week had a lot to do with it. Now that we are back home, he is working again (computer data at HOME) and never wants to do anything...

On the plus side! We saw a chinese doctor while on vacation (DH is chinese) and she said we are both very tired, him more than me. And his swimmers are too slow. Our prescription? Go to bed by 11pm everynight, no later. And take certain herbs. Apparently, it isn't the AMOUNT of sleep you get, it's what time you go to sleep. She said to go to sleep no earlier than 10pm, and no later than 11pm. Sperm recuperate between the hours of 10pm and 2am. Sooooo...that is why morning sex is most potent!

But, on the down side of that lol, DH wont have morning sex unless its the weekend (his days off) GRRR!

 

[lookin4bump]

So glad I found this! I am having the exact same problems. Dh works away so our time together is precious... He was home last week (slap bang on the fertile window) I couldnt get him to come near me for the 1st 2 days, the third day he went out in a massive binge drinking session with his immature friend... We then argued which wasnt ideal. Things then became more intense and web we tried to dtd he couldn't finish we tried a few days and by the day he was going home he lost it mid bd . We had a massive argument mid week about him not wanting I dtd and saying he was constantly tired. About how he is drinking and smoking, eating an unhealthy diet and Doesnt seem to be takIng any of it seriously. I asked him point blank if he didn't want a child and if so to tell me as he ant play games with me. He reassured me that he does want children and would not want them with anyone else (something he brought up himself again later)
He has never had a high or even medium sex drive, but know he won't seek advice as he is a very private person. I know it is now going to cause issues the next time I see him when it is time to dtd. I'm scared it is all going to end in tears.
He has never opened up to me about anything like that but during our last argument he finally said that he doesn't need sex, doesn't necessarily enjoy it and has always been this way, even before we got together. It broke my heart as I felt all our past was a lie and he has never enjoyed it. I feel so confused
So sorry for the big rant x x

 

[lookin4bump]

Ooops double post

 

[trying hard]

oh darlings I'm so sorry you all have to go through this. LTTTC is hard enough with a willing partner. I get annoyed if OH isn't up for it for 1 day during fertile week. As any couple LTTTC knows sex is no longer all fun and excitement, but I would take boring sex over no sex any time...During that week we often have to put on porn to get OH in the mood which makes me feel like crap but at least he has always finished the job so to speak.
Your OH really needs to understand that if there was ever a time to save the viagra for this is it.

So so sorry ladies.

baby dust to you all.

 

[urchin]

This is a hard one, but I suspect the only way forward is a frank cards on the table conversation. If it were my discussion it would look like this:
1) I understand that work is your priority right now
2) however, MY priority is starting a family
3) as a partnership, it is not possible for one person's priority to completely shut out the other's
4) that would be a dictatorship, not a partnership
5) so as a partnership we need to work out how we can both be working on our priorities at the same time
6) these are the possibilities I can see:
a) you agree to make time to make babies during my fertile window
b) if that can't happen exactly now, then we set a firm date as to when we will start. That date will not be moveable
c) I investigate sperm donors
7) these are the ideas I've come up with, but if you have any others I'm listening....

 

[urchin]

Obviously I wouldn't say the numbers - but that's the order my argument would take