TTC Deadlines: Do they help??

[awnmyown]

So when the DH and I decided we wanted to have kids, we set a date that we would start TTC. September 2015.

Now I'm a worried and a planner, and this is obviously THE least plan-able thing in your life. But hubby and I chose to make decisions and deadlines to help guide our TTC adventure.

I was wondering if anyone else did this, and if it actually made any difference? When you're actually living it, do these "deadlines" and decisions no longer matter? Does the heart trump? Desire? Or do they help because you made them when you were in a different mindspace?

For example, our deadlines are:
Start TTC: September 2015
If no conception, see physician by October 2016.
IVF: Max of 2 failed rounds; try for third if conceived.
Sperm donor: No
Egg donor: No
Surrogate with our own sperm/egg: Yes
Adoption: Pursue after 2 rounds of failed IVF
September 2018: Lastest date to being working towards adoption if TTC unsuccessful.

Now we know that our choices are just that, ours. And also that it's how we feel when discussing it right now, when everything is a giant question mark.

Has anyone else done this and found it helpful??

 

[Jaxie086]

You certainly are a planner The only thing we planned out is the month we were going to start trying (Sept 2015). We made that decision based on the fact that it was a good time in my husbands medical career and the fact that we both just "felt ready." That's pretty much the only thing we've planned. We're just going to keep trying until we get a winner! If, after 3 months, we don't get pregnant then I'll go visit the doctor and see if anything's up Each couple has their own way of going about conceiving though. Do whatever makes you both feel most comfortable!

 

[aidensxmomma]

I haven't really planned it all out, but I thought about it a lot before we were TTC. My "plan" was to TTC sometime in late 2015/early 2016, see a doctor if it hadn't happened within a year, and then take it from there regarding fertility treatments and things like that.

However, my plan has completely gone out the window. OH and I ended up starting TTC in December 2014 instead of waiting. Then I decided to start seeing a doctor after 7 months, instead of waiting for the full year (which was more because of my irregular cycles than because I hadn't conceived yet). Now that we've found out that I do have fertility problems, we'll probably start fertility treatments before I thought we would, too. In addition to that, there's been a few cycles that I've planned to take a step back and not actively TTC, but I've never stuck to it.

In my case, my plans didn't work out at all. And my heart/desire for a baby has definitely ruled out all the logical reasoning I did prior to starting TTC. And I think it's been easier for me to go with the flow instead of sticking to my plans. It added a lot of stress to try to fit into time constraints. Although having a basic plan helped me feel more in control of the process, being open to being flexible about it has made it seem less stressful.

 

[Nina83]

After our MC I made a deadline, and it didn't help. It put me under a lot of stress, I was depressed, crying all the time, it was the worst period of my life.
I'm not saying to take it easy and relax (I don't believe in that) but too much planning sent me way low.

 

[babydustcass]

I don't think deadlines will be helpful to everyone but they seem to have given you something to work towards and it's ver clear that they will help you, though I am sure you will be fine and won't need to explore those other avenues. I think your 'deadlines' though I would personally call them goals sound realistic.

 

[jtr2803]

I'm similar to you in that I need to exercise some control over the journey to make it more manageable for me. I haven't gone as far as setting dates but we do know that after six full cycles of trying we will undergo an initial fertility assessment to check dh swimmers, I'm already having a pelvic scan on Monday due to some existing concerns.

If the assessment finds nothing wrong then it's likely we'll carry on trying for a few months before moving on to ivf. We will have to fund privately so I've done research into cost and options just so I'm as informed as possible