TTC Month 5 - Looking for Advice/Inspiration

[mrst1984]

Hi all! I am new to this, but I am seeking some support. I am 30 years old, and my husband and I have been trying to conceive for 5 months. I know this is no time for some, but it has been disappointing for us, as most of our circle of friends conceived in the first month or two. We both plan to get tested after month 6. In the meantime, I would love some advice, insight, or words of encouragement. I feel really alone since my friends/family have not had any difficulty conceiving. Thank you in advance!

 

[zorak]

It can take normal healthy couples 12 months to conceive.

I don't mean to offend but I think posting in the LTTc section after just 5 months is a little insensitive. Many of the ladies here have been trying for years.

 

[zorak]

I feel a bit bad now.


Some steps you could take are look into temping and use opks.

 

[lizzie78]

I think that the people around you have been extremely lucky to conceive so quickly and have maybe skewed your view of what is normal. As zorak says it can take a healthy couple 12 months to conceive, many doctors don't carry out test until after 2 years. In the meantime take the opportunity to get to know your body and what is normal for you - chart, temp, use OPKs watch your body and learn how it reacts throughout your cycle and be sure that you are timing Baby dancing for when it will do you the most good. I have to say that I don't think LTTC is a good place to be posting as Zorak says many people on here have been trying for years and if we happen to be having a bad day your post may feel hurtful/insensitive even though that isn't what you mean to achieve. I would head back to the TTC boards and learn everything you can from people in the same situation as you. hopefully you never actually have to belong over here.

lizzie x

 

[Myshelsong]

Temp to figure out when you ovulate and keep having sex.
Good luck, but realize five months is nothing. It is a blip of time in the grand scheme, I would try the ttc#1 boards until you have reached the +1 year Mark.
If you temp and find no ovulation spike go to your dr and discuss.
Good luck.

 

[venapols]

as said above this is such an insensitive thing to post... its basically equivalent to moaning that you new hair cut is too short and taking to long to grow to someone who just lost all their hair to chemo

you are so far perfectly normal and in no way LTTTC, I dont know how America works but in the UK you would be laughed out of the doctors office after only 5 months trying unless you had a pre-exsisting condition (like PCOS or have lost tubes to ectopics)

have you tried OPKs yet?
if you havnt then your not even trying yet, your just having unprotected sex

also: preseed, temping, different sex patterns, acupuncture, soy, vitamins , diet (both you and OH, wich can be losing weight or gaining it) and many more things that you can do before seeking help because you will only be sent away to try them anyway

try the basics first before running off complaining to people that actually have problems that your board of it not being instantaneous

 

[CaliDreaming]

I am going to be the dissenting vote because I think posters are being unfair to the OP. We do not know much about the OP other than the fact that she's been TTC for 5 months, but hypothetically, just because 5 months may not be a long time for one woman does not mean that it is not a long time for another. I could see how a 30 year old woman who had been preparing to TTC for months and that had been temping, using OPKs, timing intercourse for 5 months with no success could feel just as much anxiety as a 22 year old that had just been "going with the flow" for a couple of years and hadn't made any real changes in their lifestyle. Some women know early on deep down that something is wrong and are not just being impatient and for these women who have made significant targeted efforts, yes, five months is a long time.

I do not put as much stock in the 12 month guideline as everyone else does. I think that guideline is more for people who are not temping, using OPKs or other methods to get pregnant. I also think that rule that is more geared at cutting health care costs for insurance purposes. I have seen other doctors who have revised this guideline somewhat especially now that most people are waiting longer to have babies. These doctors suggest that you seek help if you have not conceived after 3 cycles of well-timed intercourse. I believe this advice is more realistic for our purposes.

Bottom line, there is not just one way to be an LTTTC'er. Just because one woman's pain is not exactly like yours does not mean that your pain is greater. It just means that it is different. Also, different women are going to have different reactions to certain scenarios. We have women who have been trying for over a year without a bfp. We have women who have had numerous CP's. We have women who have had multiple MMC's. We have women who have successfully carried one or more children to term and have trouble conceiving again. We have women who are TTC for the first time over the age of 35. Each carries with it a different type of pain. Until the mods make some sort of rule about what LTTTC is, I don't think it is appropriate for individual posters to impose their personal opinions on what LTTTC is on others.

I don't expect that everyone is going to relate to everyone else's experiences, but I do believe that we should at least respect them even if we don't understand them. Infertility sucks and we shouldn't be fighting each other when we could be learning from and supporting each other. You just never know where you are going to find info that may help you in your journey.

We all know how it feels when other people dismiss the pain of infertility. People who do this do this because they've never experienced it before and don't understand how much it hurts. Let's not do the same to the OP without even bothering to understand what brought her to post here in the first place.

 

[Myshelsong]

Although I agree partially with what you are saying, in no way do I agree with some one trying for five months vrs someone trying for five years. The emotions you go through do not and can not compare in any way or form. You are wrong.

Regarding posting this particular question I think it is completely out of line. This person has come into a LTTTC Thread and asked us ... Some who can't get pregnant naturally no matter what we do ... For the how to get pregnant secrets, positive reinforcement and SUPPORT. Now do I think this person did this knowing how others would react, or that it would offend and hurt us. No, however it did.

I think the reactions are absolutely justified and are much more tame than what she would get from any other support website out there. I think that the majority of the women that read this thread wanted to say something hurtful and mean in cap locks, but instead posted nothing and quietly cried at home due to the insensitivity this person showed.

I wish everyone good luck on their journeys but LTTTCers are not your go to guide on how to get pregnant. Use the Internet and other groups for that.

 

[CaliDreaming]

Although I agree partially with what you are saying, in no way do I agree with some one trying for five months vrs someone trying for five years. The emotions you go through do not and can not compare in any way or form. You are wrong.

Regarding posting this particular question I think it is completely out of line. This person has come into a LTTTC Thread and asked us ... Some who can't get pregnant naturally no matter what we do ... For the how to get pregnant secrets, positive reinforcement and SUPPORT. Now do I think this person did this knowing how others would react, or that it would offend and hurt us. No, however it did.

I think the reactions are absolutely justified and are much more tame than what she would get from any other support website out there. I think that the majority of the women that read this thread wanted to say something hurtful and mean in cap locks, but instead posted nothing and quietly cried at home due to the insensitivity this person showed.

I wish everyone good luck on their journeys but LTTTCers are not your go to guide on how to get pregnant. Use the Internet and other groups for that.

I will also partially agree with you that 5 months is not a long time in the scheme of things. However, I stand by my opinion that it think it is out of line to jump down this poster's throat. I am not saying that you do not have a right to be upset and angry about not being able to get pregnant naturally or annoyed by certain posts. But I do not think anyone has a right to lash out at others who are also suffering. That's where I think it crosses the line.

This person was not a troll. She was probably someone who was starting to get anxious and was looking for support. I don't think she deserved the response she got. Yes there were people on here who might have been offended by her posting, but I can tell you there are just as many women out there just like her feeling like they have no where to go for support. Notice she only has one post here. I doubt she's coming back and where is she going to turn if a year passes and she still hasn't gotten her bfp? Infertility is already an isolating experience as it is.

LTTTC means different things to different people. The owners of this forum haven't chosen to define it. Until they do, there is going to have to be some tolerance for people whose definition of it is not the same as yours.

 

[Sis4Us]

Most LTTC have been TTC for over a year and most have had used some type of Fertilty treatment so I can see how it can pour salt in a open Wound!!

That being said the poster didn't say much of anything but the fact of trying for 5 mos so we must assume that's her only obstacle time! When I was 30 it took me 6 mos to Concieve my son after BC!! If the poster was on any BC it will take time to work out!!

Now at 38 I've been trying for 3yrs just got a surprise BFP on A non medicated cycle just hoping for a sticky bean!!
I've had 3 back to back MC so it is a Lil insulting to hear someone gripe about TTC for 5 mos but I'm also willing to give advice as I have a lot to give!!

R u using OPKs r u temping if not start use FF!!
Get cd3 and CD21 blood work get DH a SA

Our issue is my DH sperm we have had 2 Natural BFPs when he is on Supps Also my Lining is a issue I have to basically OD on P!!
So u have to know what the issues are and fix them!!

GL and try to see 5mos really is no time at all in the whole picture!!

 

[KatO79]

Hi all! I am new to this, but I am seeking some support. I am 30 years old, and my husband and I have been trying to conceive for 5 months. I know this is no time for some, but it has been disappointing for us, as most of our circle of friends conceived in the first month or two. We both plan to get tested after month 6. In the meantime, I would love some advice, insight, or words of encouragement. I feel really alone since my friends/family have not had any difficulty conceiving. Thank you in advance!

Welcome to BnB mrst1984

I would firstly advise you to try asking this in the Trying to Conceive #1 forum: https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/trying-conceive-1/

This forum is for those who've been trying for at least 1 year but many here have ben trying for much longer than that. LTTTC stands for Long Term Trying To Conceive and you aren't there yet after 5 months. I'm sure some might see it as a bit offensive that you'd post this here when you've been trying for only 5 months.

That being said, have you tried using ovulation tests? They can be a good indicator on if you're ovulating or not. Checking your cervical mucus (CM) can also be a good way of checking when you're approaching your fertile time. Normally CM goes watery when it starts to be fertile and then for some it'll go egg-white which means it's clear and you can stretch it between your fingers. Then there's taking your basal body temperature. You'd need a thermometer with 2 decimal points (so measuring to xx.xx degrees and not the ones that measure xx.x degrees). There are some rules on how to do this so it's most accurate but I'm sure some of the other ladies here are more qualified to explain despite the fact I tried it for 4-5 months.

It seems as you've had very lucky friends as 1-2 months is very quick indeed. Are you sure they've all taken that long? As others have said, it can take up to 12 months for healthy couples to conceive.

I don't know where you live, but if you're only 30 I doubt many doctors will test you (other than maybe offer to do a sperm analysis (SA) for your husband and maybe checking your hormones) until you're approaching 1 year of trying. You'd not be eligible for assisted conception after 6 months though when you're 30. Ours (despite the fact I'm 35) didn't test us until we'd been trying for about 9 months and first referred us after 12 months of trying. But I live in Denmark and they don't care what your age is here, it's 12 months for everyone You'd definitely not even be eligible for assisted conception until 1 year of trying. It's only if you're 35 or more that in some countries you can start getting tested and be referred for assisted conception after 6 months I think.

So I'd advise you to keep trying for a few more months before worrying too much.

 

[CaliDreaming]

The official description of this forum is

Problems TTC? Share your journeys with other ladies, giving and receiving emotional support with others in a similar situation to you.

Nowhere is there a rule that says that you have to have been trying for 12 months before you can post here or that LTTTC=trying for 12 months.

ETA: I just want to be clear that I am not saying that there is anything wrong with feeling annoyed by people who haven't been trying as long as you complaining. That's very understandable and I felt the same way at times about that and many other issues when I was LTTTC. I just didn't think it was appropriate to express that in a thread from someone seeking support.

 

[KatO79]

The official description of this forum is

Problems TTC? Share your journeys with other ladies, giving and receiving emotional support with others in a similar situation to you.

Nowhere is there a rule that says that you have to have been trying for 12 months before you can post here or that LTTTC=trying for 12 months.

ETA: I just want to be clear that I am not saying that there is anything wrong with feeling annoyed by people who haven't been trying as long as you complaining. That's very understandable and I felt the same way at times about that and many other issues when I was LTTTC. I just didn't think it was appropriate to express that in a thread from someone seeking support.

Then why bother having something called LTTTC forum if it's not for women who've been trying for longer than what's considered normal and the norm is considered 12 months by most doctors? I know it's another forum place entirely, but they've written for their LTTTC forum that:

If you have been trying to conceive for 12 months or more, this is the place to share stories and experiences with others in a similar situation.

I can't see why ladies who've been trying for longer can not have a place were we can seek support from others in the same situation. There are other forums for women who've been trying for under 12 months like the regular TTC forum or TTC #1. This forum should be a place for us women who can find others who understand what it's like when you've been trying without having to hear someone complain about not being pregnant after 5 months. If I want to read and support people in that situation, I can better do that in the other TTC forums. This should be a forum were you can avoid seeing that type of thread. It's like also letting someone post a BFP thread on this forum, would that be ok? No because it'd upset ladies who've been trying for a long time to conceive. Same goes for women who haven't been trying for very long, they should post their thread in the appropriate forum were there is less risk of upsetting people.

I think the ladies have been very polite and offered the OP advice and just politely told them they should've posted this somewhere else. I honestly don't see the problem

 

[venapols]

but LTTTC is clearly designed as an infertility forum as the sub forums are infertility forums

and

infertility = 12+ months trying to conceive unless you have pre-exsisting fertility affecting condition

this is the second post like this and the other featured a woman who have been trying for 6 months and a woman who has been trying for 3 WEEKS... surely we dont need a 'note' for this stuff its common sense and common knowledge they dont belong here and people have every right to be mad when stuff like this happens because it trivialities a real problem... if I hear one more person say the classic 'oh, my sister/aunt/friend had fertility problems so we know how it feels, it took her 7 whole months to get pregnant but once she relaxed it happened' then ill scream

 

[CaliDreaming]

The problem is that there are many women who are also having trouble conceiving who are hurting just like you and who need support too. I am just giving you the other side of the story, because there are many women who feel they have no where to turn. They don't feel at home in the regular TTC threads but can't get support here. I don't think people realize how hurtful it is when people dismiss your pain so I felt that it is important to bring this to the board's attention.

I may be wrong, but I think one possible reason the mods have not defined LTTTC is because everyone's definition of it is different. There are also different levels of "trying". I've seen women who've been TTC for two years and still don't know what an OPK is. On the other hand, there are other women who have already completed a fertility workup and been through several IUIs by the time a year is up. I don't think you can automatically say that the woman trying for 2 years necessarily needs the support more than the woman who hasn't been trying as long but has been more proactive. Some women get to the point of despair faster than others so it's just not fair to put an arbitrary limit on it. Also, what about the women who have had fertility problems in the past and are now trying for #2 and knows from the get go that the journey is not going to be easy.

I understand the need for a safe haven, but I don't think it is realistic to shield certain LTTTCers from every single thread or post that might cause pain when the poster has a legitimate reason for posting. There are other areas of the board with more specific criteria, and areas where you can create your own groups that can be more of a safe haven.

 

[KatO79]

The problem is that there are many women who are also having trouble conceiving who are hurting just like you and who need support too. I am just giving you the other side of the story, because there are many women who feel they have no where to turn. They don't feel at home in the regular TTC threads but can't get support here. I don't think people realize how hurtful it is when people dismiss your pain so I felt that it is important to bring this to the board's attention.

I may be wrong, but I think one possible reason the mods have not defined LTTTC is because everyone's definition of it is different. There are also different levels of "trying". I've seen women who've been TTC for two years and still don't know what an OPK is. On the other hand, there are other women who have already completed a fertility workup and been through several IUIs by the time a year is up. I don't think you can automatically say that the woman trying for 2 years necessarily needs the support more than the woman who hasn't been trying as long but has been more proactive. Some women get to the point of despair faster than others so it's just not fair to put an arbitrary limit on it. Also, what about the women who have had fertility problems in the past and are now trying for #2 and knows from the get go that the journey is not going to be easy.

I understand the need for a safe haven, but I don't think it is realistic to shield certain LTTTCers from every single thread or post that might cause pain when the poster has a legitimate reason for posting. There are other areas of the board with more specific criteria, and areas where you can create your own groups that can be more of a safe haven.

I'm sorry but what about us women who are in pain over having tried proactively for over 1 year, me being one of them? The OP will find lots of support on the other forums designated for those TTC for under 1 year. I was upset often and got lots of support on the TTC and TTC #1 forums. I first came here to the LTTTC forum recently.

I honestly don't understand why you don't understand this when you yourself have been in this situation The LTTTC forum is clearly for couples suffering from infertility and infertility is defined by all as 12 months or more. Just because you might not have a problem with these posts here doesn't mean it won't upset someone else who logs on to find support because they're upset and see a post with a woman complaining after 5 months while they may have been trying for e.g. 3 years. Not everyone is going to feel as fine about it as you and we need to consider their feelings as well.

 

[Wobbles]

If or not you think the member posted in the wrong section she is new to the community and this a SUPPORT forum ... it's natural to be anxious over not getting pregnant straight away like you hear, not true is it.

While there are no hard set rules for the LTTTC boards unless a known fertility problem exists it is likely the OP will get better support in the TTC forum and although I do somewhat understand having been through my own 'journey' you ladies could have welcomed the member and directed her where the support would be greater for her circumstances and more sensitive to yours.

Some are happy to give support and advice regardless where questions are posted (within reason) but either way I'm more than sure no insensitivity, harm or upset was meant which is the most important thing and may be new to forums and not be used to the forums etiquette. I think some have been a little too harsh.

I have moved this to the TTC board with a 1 day redirection notice. I hope that helps resolve the matter.

Welcome to BnB mrst1984, hopefully you find your way around the forum a little and find the advice and support you are looking for.

x