Turn the clock back

[VickyLou]

I wish I could turn the clock back to last year before I was pregnant. This sounds awful but my baby wasn't planned, my first born was just 12 months old when I found out I was expecting again. I wanted a second baby but just not at this time, it took 8 years to get caught with my first so I wanted to enjoy her and have a lot more 1on1 time with her before even thinking about a second.
Now I have birth 31st August, I had a very tramaumatic labour/birth (story is in the announcements section if you want a very long read) I feel no bond/connection with my little lady. I feel happy when I'm not around her or doing things for her. How cruel is that, she doesn't deserve this! She's my daughter, I should love her, which I do to a degree but not like I should. I never got that rush of love that people talk about. I never got it with my first born either, it took about 10 weeks to get it with her. I'm praying it's just baby blues that's taking a little longer to go away cause of everything I have been through but I'm also scared of going to the doctors to talk about how I'm feeling as I don't want tablets or social services at my door, will they come if i talk to my GP?

 

[lilmisscaviar]

I know you're in the UK but I would think it is similar there as it is here. Here, they aren't allowed to report you to social services if you go to your doctor and admit that you have a problem. It is only if you start abusing your child - not saying you would but I'm just trying to answer your question - and take your child to the doctor more often than usual for injuries that they would report it or if they believe your child is suffering from neglect. Bringing it up to your doctor would be the best option. Honestly I suffered from the baby blues after suffering 3 miscarriages. After the third I was being such a horrible mother that I brought this up to my doctor, except I was put on pills for it for a while. They did help though and I went off of them after a few months when I started feeling better. I haven't had the blues since, at least not like that, so they must have worked.

I'm so sorry you're feeling down about your children being so close but I can completely relate. I found out I was pregnant with my second only 3-4 months after delivering my first. I felt so down about not giving my first my entire time and it was so difficult because they were so close, not to mention my second was born with a birth defect that caused him to be fussy all the time for the first 4 months of his life until he had surgery. My first was jealous in the beginning since I was spending most of my time tending to her little brother, but now that he is older, they are best friends and I couldn't imagine her not having a sibling. I don't think she'll remember that I didn't spend as much time with her as a baby that I'd have liked to and she still loves me more than anybody else. I know it is hard right now but see your doctor and give it some time. I'm sure it'll all work out in the end