Ugh!! I hate BFing.

[babyplease01]

There. I said it.
But the thing is, I don't think I ACTUALLY hate it.
When my daughter was born, she was a little too small for my nipples and she didn't have a strong suck and she couldn't BF. So for the first two weeks I bottle fed. Then she got a little bigger and was able to suck but she refused the breast because the milk didn't flow as fast as she wanted. So we saw a LC when she was 2 weeks old, and she said to go home and offer her the breast every time she starts giving hunger cues, and to pump an ounce and fingerfeed if she just got too mad but don't give her a bottle for 24hrs. So I did that, and it really worked!! That was a week ago, and we haven't had a bottle since. She's doing really well.
But she still takes FOREVER to latch sometimes, usually in the middle of the night, and she's waking more often right now because of this growth spurt. And so she latches and comes off a million times, and breast milk pours down my hand and her face so we're both all sticky. And sometimes there's even the bonus prize of her screaming the whole time. Add to that my DH, who I love and will absolutely not throw off a bridge, rolling over with sleep in his eyes to offer pearls like "getting frustrated won't help" and "YOU wanted to do this," and what you get is a pretty miserable time.
But it's not like that every time, and we've worked so hard, and it's only been a week and we have made HUGE gains. I really DO want to do this. It's just that this is not the experience I wanted and I hate it right now. And I'm sleepy.

Point is, this has GOT to get easier.
That is all.

Thanks for listening, I guess that's all I needed really.

 

[Mrs HM]

You are doing so well and you have come so far. Remember that. And it does get easier or no one would do it! It is really hard though and it can feel like the worst thing on earth. But that changes when one day you realise you are both doing it...easily, without fuss, no leaks and faffing, you are just feeding. And you are usually doing something else at the time as well, like talking on the phone or making tea lol! I fed my two for a year and hated it at times, but miss it now! It will go quickly and you will miss it too, honestly!

 

[babyplease01]

You are doing so well and you have come so far. Remember that. And it does get easier or no one would do it! It is really hard though and it can feel like the worst thing on earth. But that changes when one day you realise you are both doing it...easily, without fuss, no leaks and faffing, you are just feeding. And you are usually doing something else at the time as well, like talking on the phone or making tea lol! I fed my two for a year and hated it at times, but miss it now! It will go quickly and you will miss it too, honestly!

Thank you!! I'm glad I'm not the only one who has felt this way. I'm so thankful I was able to bring her back to the breast-- I know lots of babies won't do it -- but it gets so frustrating and I have to admit that I've been tempted by the thought of just going back to bottle. I guess I'm just ready for this to turn into the beautiful experience I was expecting when I decided to try to do it.

 

[lisaalove]

I feel the same way sometimes. Though now he will take a bottles of BM while I'm at work and he only wakes 2-3 times in the night now which would still be horrid if we still had to get up and feed sitting but he has mastered laying down and eating (which took a lot of time!) It's stressful, tiring and horrible sometimes when all you want is to make them happy but they just want to scream at you because the milk is coming too slow/fast (I have an OALD so he chokes and spits and gets hit in the face by a stream somtimes) but the best moments are once you get into a grove imo watching them fall asleep and get all milk drunk and pulling off your breast to smile in their sleep and then sometimes even smiling with your nipple in their mouth. I have deffinately thought about giving up plenty of times but I'm so happy I stuck with it. I feel like we're finally in a beautiful stride instead of a clumsy walk. It does get easier and you will sleep again! I know it's hard to think of at 3am when your so overly tired and a baby is screaming at you but just keep at it. ♡

 

[babyplease01]

I feel the same way sometimes. Though now he will take a bottles of BM while I'm at work and he only wakes 2-3 times in the night now which would still be horrid if we still had to get up and feed sitting but he has mastered laying down and eating (which took a lot of time!) It's stressful, tiring and horrible sometimes when all you want is to make them happy but they just want to scream at you because the milk is coming too slow/fast (I have an OALD so he chokes and spits and gets hit in the face by a stream somtimes) but the best moments are once you get into a grove imo watching them fall asleep and get all milk drunk and pulling off your breast to smile in their sleep and then sometimes even smiling with your nipple in their mouth. I have deffinately thought about giving up plenty of times but I'm so happy I stuck with it. I feel like we're finally in a beautiful stride instead of a clumsy walk. It does get easier and you will sleep again! I know it's hard to think of at 3am when your so overly tired and a baby is screaming at you but just keep at it. ♡

"Beautiful stride instead of clumsy walk." THAT is what I'm looking for. Thanks for the support!! I hope I get there soon!!!
If she could just latch without me having to squeeze my boob flat for her, that would make a world of difference. And you feed laying down, every time, all night?!?!?! I thought that kind of thing was a myth somebody keeps telling to make mommies keep BFing. sometimes she will eat laying down, but like I said I have to squish my boob and that's an awkward position for that.
But we're getting there.

 

[hiladun]

You WILL get there. Hold out, you're doing great.

(Also, my lo didn't 'get' feeding lying down till he was a lot bigger, but man is it easier! )

 

[lisaalove]

I feel the same way sometimes. Though now he will take a bottles of BM while I'm at work and he only wakes 2-3 times in the night now which would still be horrid if we still had to get up and feed sitting but he has mastered laying down and eating (which took a lot of time!) It's stressful, tiring and horrible sometimes when all you want is to make them happy but they just want to scream at you because the milk is coming too slow/fast (I have an OALD so he chokes and spits and gets hit in the face by a stream somtimes) but the best moments are once you get into a grove imo watching them fall asleep and get all milk drunk and pulling off your breast to smile in their sleep and then sometimes even smiling with your nipple in their mouth. I have deffinately thought about giving up plenty of times but I'm so happy I stuck with it. I feel like we're finally in a beautiful stride instead of a clumsy walk. It does get easier and you will sleep again! I know it's hard to think of at 3am when your so overly tired and a baby is screaming at you but just keep at it. ♡

"Beautiful stride instead of clumsy walk." THAT is what I'm looking for. Thanks for the support!! I hope I get there soon!!!
If she could just latch without me having to squeeze my boob flat for her, that would make a world of difference. And you feed laying down, every time, all night?!?!?! I thought that kind of thing was a myth somebody keeps telling to make mommies keep BFing. sometimes she will eat laying down, but like I said I have to squish my boob and that's an awkward position for that.
But we're getting there.

I still have to squeeze my breast sometimes as well. He has this habit of trying to latch but just pushing the nipple back into the areola and getting frustrated, so I've noticed it helps if I try feeding before he gets too antsy because that's when he is most focused on what he's trying to do instead of just "give it to me noww!" And i have smaller breasts so I have to awkwardly position myself while laying down but it's so much better than actually getting up imo because once I pick him up to feed it's like he's wide awake again where as if I wake myself up for a second to position myself for him he gets it and eats and then I can fall back asleep!
If you need any support I'm here. Just stay positive and make sure you get some much needed sleep when you can. It sounds like another one of those myths but really nap when they nap. It's made a world of a difference with me, yeah my house is slacking a little but my state of mind is so much better for it.

 

[noon_child]

You won't have to use the nipple sandwich forever. When she grows a bit bigger she'll get the mouthful all by herself. Sounds like you have a good milk supply too with it all pouring forth like that! Have you tried reclined/laid back breastfeeding? If you think your letdown might be strong and making her come off the nipple it can help to feed with the milk having to fight gravity a bit, plus if she does pull off it will only soak you and not you and her - small victories!

You've done so well to get her back to the breast. But honestly we've all (I think) been there in the middle of the night saying "if your hungry just bloody latch!" Or in my case shouting/crying!

 

[Evian260]

It does get so much easier!!! I quit bf my first two after 2 weeks and with my third I am going on 3 months now... it'll get so much easier... promise!

 

[Larkspur]

It definitely does get easier! The first few weeks of a new baby are always SO challenging, even if your baby is a pretty champion BFer from the start.

By the time you're three months in, you'll really have it mastered, and then the benefits just accrue week by week - it's fast, it's easy, it's free, the bonding is awesome, plus there's all the immunological and nutritional benefits that probably convinced you to do it in the first place.

 

[babyplease01]

You won't have to use the nipple sandwich forever. When she grows a bit bigger she'll get the mouthful all by herself. Sounds like you have a good milk supply too with it all pouring forth like that! Have you tried reclined/laid back breastfeeding? If you think your letdown might be strong and making her come off the nipple it can help to feed with the milk having to fight gravity a bit, plus if she does pull off it will only soak you and not you and her - small victories!

You've done so well to get her back to the breast. But honestly we've all (I think) been there in the middle of the night saying "if your hungry just bloody latch!" Or in my case shouting/crying!

I don't really have a problem with it soaking her. In my case she's looking for that quick letdown. She comes off and on until it lets down like that then she gulps it like she's starving. But until it comes out fast like she wants, it trickles out and runs down my hand.
And I can't get her to latch if I'm leaning back. I have to sit up and play the on-and-off game until she starts eating, and then I can lay back.
But it is getting better. Slowly but surely. I can tell a difference for sure. During the day, it's usually a piece of cake now. But for some reason at night she seems more difficult. Or maybe I'm just mad because I have to be awake.

 

[ay2808]

With dd2 I found nights really difficult. It's dark, both tired etc. it does get easier. I just adjust my pillows and cradle her and we seem to fit together! You're doing really well!!

 

[MrsKChicago]

The first six weeks or so are SO hard. So so hard. I seriously contemplated quitting a few times and I felt very strongly about breastfeeding. My husband fed me that "stressing out doesn't help" line at 3am and I swear I almost punched him in the face. I promise it gets better. Keep at it, see a lactation consultant again if you need to, and tell your husband if he can't be supportive and useful he can go sleep on the couch til you get the hang of things. Not as a threat, but because it's hard enough without the commentary from the peanut gallery (ok, maybe a little bit as a threat).

Pretty soon, you'll hit that magic point where all of a sudden it's smooth and easy and you'll feel sorry for everyone who has to mix bottles at 3am.

 

[MrsMandy]

[ During the day, it's usually a piece of cake now. But for some reason at night she seems more difficult. Or maybe I'm just mad because I have to be awake.

My lb is like this. He struggled with a TT and still wasn't great at latching on even after it was cut, untill his mouth got bigger. But now the main time we struggle is at night and I think it's just coz we're both sleepy.
I think the best trait I have in these testing times is being blo*dy stubborn! I got this far with pain and an achingly slow weight gain to start with, I'm not giving up yet!! Bring it on!!!
Keep going you will see light at the end, promise!!

 

[babyplease01]

I dunno guys. I was pressing on and trying to make it happen, but lately I feel like my baby is hungry. I think now my supply isn't keeping up with her growing. She is thriving and gaining weight but she's not getting satisfied. That's a deal breaker. And I mixed her a bottle the other day after she emptied my boobs and was still screaming and she ate 4 oz of formula. I think I'm just gonna decide to feed my baby. I'll breastfeed when I can until my milk dries up and I'm just gonna feed her when she's hungry until she's not hungry anymore. I am SO OVER stressing this.

 

[MrsKChicago]

Do what you have to do. Baby needs a happy, healthy mama more than she needs breastmilk, and there's nothing wrong with combination feeding if that's what works for you.

 

[_Meep_]

My daughter and I struggled for six long months before things improved ... and when they did, it was only a small, slow improvement. I never managed to latch her on very well. I had enormous oversupply and a vicious let down, for at least the first four months. I used to dread every feed - she would splutter and cry, especially on the right breast, which has always produced more milk. She made clicking noises, no matter how I latched her or what position I used. Her stomach was often swollen with gas. She was a silent refluxer - not much of a cryer, but you could tell she was uncomfortable.

At two months, she started refusing the right breast. Within a couple of weeks, she was refusing to feed altogether.

That first nursing strike lasted almost a month. I fed her only when she was asleep. It was impossible to latch her otherwise - she would just fight and cry. She never wanted to nurse. She never even indicated that she was hungry.

In total, she went on strike around six times. At best, it would last a week; other times, it was longer. I ground myself down by carrying on going. I hated breastfeeding, I hated being a mum, and I hated being so shit at what I was doing.

At 4.5 months, my little girl had her previously-undiagnosed posterior tongue tie clipped. We had one more strike after that, but haven't had one since. At six months, we finally found a comfortable position where she could latch well enough to cope with my flow (lying side by side on the bed). I fed her like this for many months, and didn't really go out, because if I couldn't lie down, I couldn't feed her. Things were still hit and miss, but she would at least accept around 50% of the time.

At eight months, she started to get excited when I lay her down to feed her. She'd make a noise that I soon realised meant that she wanted to feed. She started to prefer the fast flow of the right breast, and stopped choking and making clicking noises so much.

At around nine months, we successfully completed a feed sitting up together. She started to pull at my clothes when she wanted to nurse. She went through a couple of stages of wanting to nurse every couple of hours. I couldn't believe it ...

She'll turn one on Saturday. Yesterday, I cried because she's cut her feeds right down - I'm worried she'll stop soon, and I really don't want to stop. We nurse any time, anywhere, and it's easy. I love breastfeeding so much and I am so proud of how far we have come. It took us far longer than the average, but we DO now have the breastfeeding relationship I wanted so much. She finds great comfort and pleasure at the breast, and that's more than enough for me - I'll carry on for as long as she wants to, no question.

I just wanted to share this with everyone who is struggling. Even when things seem really bad, even if it's making you so down you can barely function, things CAN change if you are able to stick it out. I never thought we would be able to make it to a year, let alone both enjoy breastfeeding ... but both those things have happened.

Life can amaze you sometimes.

 

[Kittyran]

I hated breastfeeding. It was so difficult. My son didn't latch well so I had to actually fold my nipple and shove it into his mouth so he could latch (I have very large breasts/nipples). I absolutely hated everything about it, didn't understand why NO ONE told me how hard it would be and why they made it sound so easy...could not comprehend how I could do it long term. Never got to sleep, got woken up every 3 hours for over a year, night and day. It was miserable for the first 3 months.

Then suddenly, it just gets easy. Either something snaps in you or the little one but it's just so simple and easy and fast and I really loved it. Did it for 34 months and would probably still be nursing had he not weaned himself.

The long-term benefits make the initial struggle so worth it. Just hang in there and have faith it WILL (hopefully!) get better!