Unconfident and shy child

[Jaysmummy]

I'm hoping someone's got some advice and is/has been in my shoes.

My DS is almost 4 (in June) and while he is fine around immediate family he seems to be very shy and unconfident.

When meeting new people he will not speak and grunts at them turning his head away whilst clinging on to me. Although he has friends at nursery and I'm told he plays with them, every morning he cries when I leave him. His Easter bonnet parade was yesterday and the teacher had to take him on the stage as he wouldn't go.

He just seems incredibly unconfident and I really want to help him, he's such a lovely little boy

 

[aimee-lou]

At this age Earl was painfully shy. he had been really outgoing up til being about 3 but then something changed (apparently it's normal btw) and he lost a lot of his confidence and was so shy he would cling to my legs and refuse to speak when we were out and about.

I don't know what's happened but recently he's really come out of his shell and is almost too confident. He talks to random people in shops (not the staff, other customers! lol) and will tell them everything about himself. He will wander off to find things and then shout me to come and see rather than stay with me or come and find me....he'll yell and everyone will stare! lol

All I ever did was remain patient and I never tried to encourage him out of his comfort zone. I would talk to him and ask him questions, involving him in conversations but apart from the odd time when I would get him to say thank you or goodbye I left him to it. If he felt like he had something to add I'd let him. I also found that getting him into a class (he used to attend a gymnastics class) really brought him out of his shell. He got really involved and was really improving which did wonders for him. Unfortunately the classes have now stopped but I think we'll be looking for something else for him after Easter.

According to Earl's old pre-school around 3 boys especially start to develop a lot of fears. It can take them a long time to come to terms with a lot of them, and losing confidence is totally normal as a result. Children who used to wander into school without a care would start crying and bawling for weeks/months out of nowhere according to them, but usually it works it's own way out and they'll come out the other side.

 

[Jaysmummy]

Thank you for that

I really want to try and engage him more with activities and clubs. He's always with me so I think that might help him.

He wouldn't even have his school photo taken with his siblings whilst I was there but when it came to his single photo when his teachers were there he did it albeit with a silly look on his face! Makes me wonder, is it something I'm doing?!

His dad loses his patience with him at times which doesn't help and my heart just breaks for him

 

[OmarsMum]

From my expecience it gets better when they are ready, Omar was a pain when it comes to social situations, he used to hide his face behind me when strangers used to talk to him, he hated crowd, loud places, he didn't like to participate in activities with other kids & so on, We had to leave several classes & watch from the window as he hated them.

Now (almost 4.5 yrs) he is very social & confident, he talks to random strangers, he is not shy, he is doing great at school although it didn't to well when he joined in Sept last year, it took him over 3 months to settle.

On Thursday his dad took him to his work for the 1st time, he was so confident, he greeted everyone there, he sat with his dad's secretary, he introduced himself to all employees & he asked them to pass by his "office" to drink "tea" with him

He really changed, when he was 2-3 yrs old it was a struggle to get him to leave the house, I was kind of sure he was suffering from social & separation anxiety.

 

[MrsHedgehog]

It's probably just a phase he'll grow out of. I worry about this for my LO too as she is quite shy. I was (and still am) very shy and I don't want LO to suffer as I did. Try not to force him into speaking to people or take part if he doesn't want to. Allow him to do things at his pace. Also, try not to label him as 'shy'. I was always 'the shy one' in my family and it's very hard now to see myself as being anything else.