Are we all guilty of putting unnecessary pressure on ourselves. Do we make things more difficult by making ourselves appear to be better than we are?
I've been thinkng a lot over the past few days about how I feel that I'm stuck and everyone else has moved past Matthew's death and how they expect me "to be over it".
But what if they dont think I should be over it. What if they are actually looking at me and thinking she appears to be getting over this too well when I'm secretly dying inside.
What if they think I should be showing more emotion.
What if I'm holding back my recovery by trying to make other people feel comfortable when it should be them wanting to make me feel more comfortable.
I have made a new rule for myself. From this moment on I will speak about my son when i want. I will bring him into conversation. I will tell people when i'm feeling low. I will cry when i want to. I will laugh when I want to. I will not hide my son away in order to make other people's lives easier. I am his mum and I am the only person who can truely keep his memory alive.
I can see people physically squirm when i mention his name.....there is going to be an awful lot squirming around here from now on.
Does anyone agree with me that we are guilty of this or am I completely cracked? I know for definate Im guilty so if that makes me cracked then so be it.
I've been thinkng a lot over the past few days about how I feel that I'm stuck and everyone else has moved past Matthew's death and how they expect me "to be over it".
But what if they dont think I should be over it. What if they are actually looking at me and thinking she appears to be getting over this too well when I'm secretly dying inside.
What if they think I should be showing more emotion.
What if I'm holding back my recovery by trying to make other people feel comfortable when it should be them wanting to make me feel more comfortable.
I have made a new rule for myself. From this moment on I will speak about my son when i want. I will bring him into conversation. I will tell people when i'm feeling low. I will cry when i want to. I will laugh when I want to. I will not hide my son away in order to make other people's lives easier. I am his mum and I am the only person who can truely keep his memory alive.
I can see people physically squirm when i mention his name.....there is going to be an awful lot squirming around here from now on.
Does anyone agree with me that we are guilty of this or am I completely cracked? I know for definate Im guilty so if that makes me cracked then so be it.
I do my most to talk about my baby Justice and keep her memory alive as well. I refuse to keep it hush hush!! She lived, even only those few weeks, and that was enough to make a huuuge difference worth talking about. if it makes people uncomfortable that's not my problem anymore! they need to reassess why it makes them uncomfortable!
