Unsupportive Family ?

[BeesBabyBump_]

I'm 19 years old soon to be 20 and i've been NTNP for the past few months. I live with my dad's parents, my dad lives pretty close and my mom lives out of state. Of course they don't know that i'm NTNP, but they always seem to bring up pregnancy every so often. My father clearly expresses that its something that he does not want for me, My grandparents also often express that if i was to be pregnant i cannot stay with them anymore, i would be kicked out. they definitely will not support it. My mom also does not want that for me, but i don't think she'd be as harsh as the rest of my family would be. There could be a chance that i'm pregnant at this very moment and it kind of worries me on when and how to tell my family and what i would do after that. Has anyone else had to deal with an unsupportive family ?

 

[tayl0r]

Hey girl-

I haven't been in the exact position as you but I didn't want to read and run. I'm about your age- 20 almost 21 and also ntnp, which not many people know. My family really doesn't want me to to start a family yet. my parents had me, my brother and my sister all by the time they were 20 so I understand where they're coming from. My sister however, shes 19- she had gotten pregnant a few years ago, thinking my family would totally disown her, but they surprisingly supported her. I don't know for sure but I mean, they're your family. I'm sure at first they'll be hurt, or disappointed but they're family- they'll come along. I think they'd rather you be happy than anything, and if this is what you want then they can't do muuch about it. I wouldn't tell them until you're completely comfortable though- that way you can sorta stick up for yourself in a way (?) and take comments more easily.

Have you tested yet?

You can add and/or message me whenever if ya need someone to lean on and wanna talk without judgement! it'll all work out. everything happens for a reason.

 

[tardis79]

Didn't have your situation, but 19 is a bit young especially without a commited partner. I have a younger cousin who got pregnant at 15, is now 21 expecting her 4. And she has been married 3 times since the age of 16. Her 4 she is putting up for adoption, she can't take of the 3 she has. And she is alone trying to raise these kids. The family supported her for a bit, but no longer as she is just taking advantage. Life is short, enjoy being young, babies can wait, and its good to have a committed partner to start a family with. My cousin threw her life away and is miserable, so are her children. As for telling your family, either they will be happy to help you support a grandkid or you'll need to find a job and place of your own. Better tell them early so you can prepare. I have 6 cousins who all had kids around your age or younger, I have to say, none of them ended happily. Some of the kids go hungry, some are in foster care, a few live in horrible, abusive conditions. So really think this through, having kids is not easy, yeah babies are cute, but thats no reason to jump in and have one. Think about it, look at your resources, if parents and grandparents who have already expressed they do not want you to be pregnant are your only resource, than the time probably isn't right for you. My cousins were pretty much in the same boat you are, their parents helped for a time and then kicked them out. But when there are 6 kids with kids of their own trying to live with you, I guess I could see why.

 

[BeesBabyBump_]

Hey girl-

I haven't been in the exact position as you but I didn't want to read and run. I'm about your age- 20 almost 21 and also ntnp, which not many people know. My family really doesn't want me to to start a family yet. my parents had me, my brother and my sister all by the time they were 20 so I understand where they're coming from. My sister however, shes 19- she had gotten pregnant a few years ago, thinking my family would totally disown her, but they surprisingly supported her. I don't know for sure but I mean, they're your family. I'm sure at first they'll be hurt, or disappointed but they're family- they'll come along. I think they'd rather you be happy than anything, and if this is what you want then they can't do muuch about it. I wouldn't tell them until you're completely comfortable though- that way you can sorta stick up for yourself in a way (?) and take comments more easily.

Have you tested yet?

You can add and/or message me whenever if ya need someone to lean on and wanna talk without judgement! it'll all work out. everything happens for a reason.

my mom parents had me when they were 16 & 20 so i guess i know why they feel the way they feel. I know eventually they will come along but i'm pretty sure it'll take them a while. If i am i plan to not tell them until i absolutely have to like when i start to show so that i can have a plan ahead of time and whatever they try to throw at me i'd be able to handle. I know of course eventually they will come around but until then it'll be hard. but i totally agree that everything happens for a reason and i guess i'll just have to wait and see.

 

[BeesBabyBump_]

I never said i didn't have a committed partner. My partner is very committed. He wants it more than i do i think lol and his family is all for it. i understand where your coming from with your family's experiences but not every person or family is the same. i wouldn't think about bringing a child into this world if i didn't think i could i raise it. I know i would awesome mom. I practically raised my youngest brother on my own. I know the difficulties and the struggles, and i also know the positives and the brighter sides of having a kid. I might not have an ideal support system in the beginning but they'll come around.

 

[kittiecat]

families can be unsupportive no matter how old you are. OH and I are 24 and my Mum knows we are TTC. I didn't intend for her to know but she has guessed. She hasn't been upset but I know she isn't thrilled mainly because we aren't married yet. I think my family will be ok when we get pregnant as they just want me to be happy but I'm worried about how OH's family will react. My MIL told her sisters the other day that OH and I wont be having children for four years so that gives an idea of how she may react! She has made it so clear she isn't ready to be a gran yet. I also think his family would prefer if we were married first.

However, although I really want to marry my OH, having a child feels more important to me atm. I have wanted to be a Mum for years.

It doesn't matter how others react. They are family they will come round in the end. It is what you want that matters and whether you feel ready for it. That's what matters x

 

[tardis79]

By observing things in my family and a few others (I taught high school for awhile and had more than a few pregnant students), not every family "comes around". Sometimes they are accepting and loving, the new baby melts their heart. And sometimes, they resent the kid, because "it was forced on them". Too be honest, I saw a lot of kids (sorry to me they were), 17,18, and 19 years old, think the same way. This guy loves me, I want a baby with him, my parents will totally understand. Well didn't turn out that way for a lot of them. Only you really know your families, best advise, talk it over with them and tell them your feelings on it and respect their opinions. Doesn't mean you have to live by their opinion, just listen, to be polite. And be prepared for them not to "come around".

A personal example of families, my parents hated the fact we had a second baby, she resents her own grandkid. I was an only child, so she assumes my husband and I should only have one. She does make differences between the 2 sisters. Can't wait til she finds out we maybe having a third. So yes, families can be unsupportive at any age, I'm 33 and have been married 14 years, doesn't mean my parents don't try to tell me what to do, but doesn't mean I listen to them either.


Best of luck to ya.

 

[Noidea]

i think maybe if you and your partner are committed to each other it doesnt matter what age you are , but they probably think your not ready because you are still living in there home etc , if you and your partner got a place together and ran a household they would probably think differently.Ifi were you i would work on that whilst your ntnp work towards where you want to be , you need to be able to support yourself and baby in your own home if they aren't prepared to keep you. I would imagine they know how hard it is to do this at a young age which is why they are trying to put you off, i never had the inclination when i was younger so i dont understand it but i know how i feel now and if you have the same feeling i suppose your not gonna have your mind changed by anyone lol xx