Unsure need advice

[Flowerchild]

Hello everyone I am new to this thread but very glad I found it.

I am 23 in a stable relationship, we are very much in love.and i see myself with him for the rest of my life. We have a house, I have a great job and so does he so our financial situation is great. We are not married and I always figured I would be married before I had a baby. He says he always figured he would marry the mother of his child.

Well he is ready for a baby and told me that he would love one and is ready but it is entirely up to me. I am so bad at making decisions from very small ones to huge ones. Well anyway, I think I am ready for a baby but am pretty scared about it. I am scared about the pregnancy about taking care of a baby about having this responsibility the rest of my life. But then I think of how rewarding a baby would be. I am adopted so having a baby would be the only person I know with my blood. Someone that would have my nose or eyes or fingers. 1st tooth 1st day of school graduation marriage etc etc.

Well I have been going back and forth with this whole getting pregnant thing...i have been on the pill and am supposed to start my new pack today and have decided not to. Yet i have it ready just in case I decide I want to...like I said I am so confused I don't know what to think and like I said he says its entirely up to me. I appreciate any thoughts advice articles links

Rosie

 

[Sovereign]

hi hun. IMO I think you need to wait until you aren't confused and know 100% you want a baby. There is plenty of time and no need to rush.

 

[bunnyg82]

oh sweetie - it's a big decision! But, it's always going to be a big scary decision. You sound as though you are really ready apart from this, so that's good and your OH is ready too. None of us can answer for you so really hope that you are able to decide. We're here for whatever you decide though xx

 

[Deeper Blue]

It's such a massive step. I thought I knew how much having a baby would change things but I didn't really realise HOW much (you can't even pee without forward planning ). As people have said though, your still very young so don't feel pressured into a baby yet if it doesn't feel like the right time just because it may seem like the logical thing to do. I was with my partner for 10 years before we decided to have a baby I think you'll know for sure when it feels right for you.

One thing that made me realise how much I wanted a baby was when I was working nights and weird shifts so my periods were all over the place. I took a pregnancy test when I realised I was a couple of weeks late and it came out negative.... and I was really disappointed. So I guess you could ask your self, 'If my period was late and I did a test... would I be sad or relieved if it was negative?'

Regardless of how you feel your always welcome to stick around here

 

[xCherylx]

As above - It is such a huge decision, you need to wait until you are 100% ready so you do not great the decision in the future. There is no need to rush and your partner sounds very understanding so I think he would want you to wait too x

 

[amylk87]

I agree, make sure you're 100% sure what you want, and remember - i don't think anyone is really ready to be parents! x good luck

 

[sparkswillfly]

Theres no such thing as the perfect time. Im 23 too, its the best thing I ever did. She makes me so happy, I dont care that my life has changed. Every time she smiles at me my heart melts. I was terrified when I was pregnant but now Ive never been happier.

 

[jazmin92]

You should wait

 

[Loz75]

I'd think about what you really want right now - do you actually both want to get married as a step towards being parents after that?

If you are unsure, why dont you spend a bit of time with people who have babies if possible just to get an idea of what it would be like. I'd say at 23 you have plenty of time and it's great to have the freedom to really enjoy your relationship and make the most of that before commiting to have a baby as after that life will never be the same again - obviously in a good way, but it is extremely hard work. I was ready for a baby at 30 x

 

[faille]

I was 23 when we decided to try for a baby and 23 when I had her.

When we first discussed it, I was like "yes yes yes lets do it!" I'd always be really dissapointed when AF was late but then showed up eventually..

But, when we did actually start trying, the thought hit me... There's no turning back now, what if I can't cope? What if I'm a bad mum? All the self doubting started but tbh I think that's normal.

Once we got the BFP, it changed everything and I was so happy and excited. It definately was what I wanted, but that didn't stop the self doubting at the start - it is a huge scary thing and it always will be.

If you're trying to think of excuses to wait then I'd say you're not ready in yourself. I always wanted to be married and have my own house before babies but in the end, a baby was more important to us so we started whilst engaged and renting. It just made so much sense and felt so right for us to start trying.

HTH, but whatever you do, don't rush into anything xx

 

[Catastrophe]

I'm 23 too My OH aren't ready financially or emotionally yet so we're waiting for a bit. I don't think it's a decision you should rush into -there's no going back after all.

I guess maybe weigh up the pros and cons of waiting for a while i.e. is there anything you want to do still that would be difficult with a child in tow? What sort of wedding would you like? I imagine once a baby is on the scene it might have to be slightly simpler in terms of finances and arrangements (though no experience so only guessing!). (PS I am not trying to offend anyone -just thought it might be worth considering since you'd mentioned you wanted to get married).

Also there's a few things you could do for a while before you get pregnant. It's often recommended that you take folic acid for ~3 months before you conceive to build up your supplies. This is important for the early development of your babies nervous system although if you were to find yourself pregnant unexpectedly it's usually ok to start taking them asap. Also a prenatal vitamin plus a good diet are always a good plan. Are you as physically and mentally fit as you would like to be?

I was really broody recently and went and stayed with a friend and her newborn for a couple of days. It was a really valuable experience for me as it made me realise that I couldn't cope with a baby just yet. (I wrote a stupidly long post about it a few weeks back). I'd definitely recommend it if you're undecided about it. I haven't had any experience with looking after babies or children so for me it was an eye-opener. I knew having a baby was hard work but this kind of brought home just how exhausting it was. I still really want to have children but want a bit more time to myself first.

Sorry that turned into a bit of an essay! Hope you come to a decision that's right for you. Have to confess I did go all gooey when you were talking about fingers -it always amazes me how cute baby fingernails and toenails are!

 

[elmaxie]

Only you can say if your ready to start ttc...

I know when me and my Oh spoke about wanting kids we were going to wait for x, y and z before ttc but after a shock death in my family realised life was too short to hang around (I am 28 he is 33) and so we started to ttc the month after instead of waiting 6 months.
I must admit when we decided to ttc I was excited but all of a sudden I started to question if I wanted a baby and how would we cope and the baby was forever....I guess I was scared of the unknown. But when I got my BFP I was so excited and had no fear...unfortunalety it was a chemical pregnancy. But a few months later we got another BFP and the bean stuck. Once again when we had our scan etc etc I became scared as it was really happening for us and the same thoughts went through my head.
Even now when we are planning no2 and ttc in just over 5 months I have that fear again going through my mind...I guess its just natural for me??

I was given one piece of advice many years ago...there is NEVER a perfect time to start a family. Nothing will be the way you want or dreamed it would so you have to make sure its the best you can make it in the now.

But do be sure you are ready for having baby and when you are have fun and good luck to you both!



Emma.xx

 

[Flowerchild]

Thank you everyone for your stories and advice! I really appreciate it.

I am 23 and he is 29. We both definetly know that we are "the one" for eachother we just havent gotten married yet. I have been around kids before and I understand how hard it is and how much it takes out of you. I have a nephew that is about to turn 1 and just cant help but think, "i want one". And let me tell you I have never thought that for a single second before. After being honestly about it with myself I think that I am pretty sure I want to try. I think I was just scared to admit it and somehow wanted someone to tell me it was ok. But i realize it is my life and if we both want it, it is ok.