Unsure of New Friends?

[cuteboots]

My eldest son (11) started secondary school this year and has seemed to settle in really well, made load of new friends, they don't live near us but on Friday night they all landed at our door about 10 of them on their bikes.

I wasn't overly keen on them, Dylan isn't very street wise but these boys could have bought and sold you, I wasn't too keen on them but OH said he thinks they'll be good for him.

Im not sure though, but as they don't live too near us they didn't really stay too long as they'd be in for a certain time, so I suppose this shows they are good kids and maybe its the fact that there were so many boys altogether at once. God please say im not turning into my dad and getting disapproving lol

 

[kiwimama]

Maybe see if your son wants to invite a couple of them over for a sleepover at some stage, if that's cool to do these days. Maybe it's not for boys, I'm not sure!
Invite a couple of them over anyway and get to know them a bit more before making up your mind on them. If they didn't stay long because they had to get home at a certain time, then they sound nice enough.

 

[Mom23monkies]

You are a mother and want whats best for your son.
My Dylan will be 11 in December and I will tell you that I am having a hard time letting go too. I dont like the idea of him going off with a bunch of kids on his own but at his age its what he needs to do. And then I just hope he comes back in one peice with out needed stitches lol
I recon it will get easier with my others having been thru it with him already but I dont know.
Good luck!

 

[cuteboots]

Maybe its because he is the oldest and its hard letting him go that Im worried and I suppose that many boys together at once ive to expect a lot of noise. Next week is mid term think i'll invite a few at a time over and maybe get to know them before I pass any judgement.

 

[Mom23monkies]

Good idea!!
A group of boys together is bound to be trouble somewhere
but keep in mind that OURS will be just as bad. And unless we want them to become total outcasts we have to let them do thier thing
I think it is because he is the oldest
Thats my problem. He is my baby but he is the oldest!

 

[cuteboots]

OH said I have to allow him to do these things in order for him to grow up but I just didn't realise it would be so hard, I just feel like im not protecting him but I guess I can't be there 24/7, thank god for mobile phones. I wonder how my parents coped when my brother would have gone out with friends and not came home until dinner time when he was hungry and they'd no mobiles just to make sure he was ok lol.

 

[Mom23monkies]

hahah I can remember being pushed out the door at teh age of 6 and coming home when dad whistled for us to come for dinner
Now I dont let my kids go off unless there is another parent involved and my HD tells me the same thing "He is going to be 11 soon and we need to let him have his space" (but you know I am making sure his space is properly padded and bubble wrapped! LOL)

 

[cuteboots]

Lol thats exactly it OH said he used to go out all day with a packed lunch and head up the mountains and not come home until late, I make sure dylan takes his phone with him and he's only allowed in our street (we live in a rural area, there only is 1 small street with a few houses lol). Maybe because he was on his own for so long I still treat him like my little baby? I think id have a heart attack if Dylan went off out for as long as I did when I was younger, but I won't go sharing thoses bits of my childhood with him or i'll not have a leg to stand on iykwim

 

[leafygreenmum]

There comes a time when you have to trust that you have given your child the skills that they need to make the right choices about things, and for them to know that when they mess up (because it is inevitable that they will at some point, nobody is perfect) you will be there for them with arms open wide, ready to catch them!
(I have a 13yr old girl with boys-on-the-brain, yikes! And a 14yr old boy who makes the right choices MOST of the time! I try to have a 'friendly, open house' and I find that if you respect the kids and their friends, you get respect back.)
(I also have a 10yr old girl who is a breeze, at the momment, and a 7yr old boy who causes most worry - he knows right from wrong but seems to enjoy doing wrong!)
Sorry if I waffled on a bit!!!

 

[cuteboots]

Well we got his first exam results and the lowest grade he got was for r.e and it was an A-, so I think I need to lighten up (though not so much the grades drop lol), have been talking with OH and have to agree if these boys were so bad the grades wouldn't have been so good, so next week when he's off for midterm (god help me) they're all coming around, we're also going to have a halloween party just for him and his friends, well apparently its not a party its a dvd and they'll just hang out and eat food, cos he's not a baby and hes too old for a party! lol.

 

[Mom23monkies]

Well we got his first exam results and the lowest grade he got was for r.e and it was an A-, so I think I need to lighten up (though not so much the grades drop lol), have been talking with OH and have to agree if these boys were so bad the grades wouldn't have been so good, so next week when he's off for midterm (god help me) they're all coming around, we're also going to have a halloween party just for him and his friends, well apparently its not a party its a dvd and they'll just hang out and eat food, cos he's not a baby and hes too old for a party! lol.

HAHA I am going to be 36 and *I* am not too old for a party lol

 

[cuteboots]

Think I'll save that one until he's looking an 18th Birthday party and inviting the neighbourhood bet he's not too old then lol.

 

[Mom23monkies]

Think I'll save that one until he's looking an 18th Birthday party and inviting the neighbourhood bet he's not too old then lol.

LOL I will bet not!!!!
thts kids for ya!

 

[cuteboots]

Well we had the 1st lot of them in today, they were lovely boys, very very loud (6 of them) but all very polite (bet they aren't as polite when they're at home like all kids lol)

My baby is growing up, I will just have to accept it, and if I say it over and over again I might actually allow him to by the time he's 18 lol.

 

[Mom23monkies]

you dont actually have to let go
just loosen your grip a little
(yeah I know I am one to talk lol)

 

[cuteboots]

I have 10 boys staying (not including my 2 sons) tonight, they are all still awake, atm Im ready to let them go lol.
I know I need to let him grow up and give him some freedom (knowing and doing are so different), funny thing is, I brought my brother up from he was 14 after my parents died and ive technically done the teenage years before but its so different since he's my first born.

 

[Mom23monkies]

I have 10 boys staying (not including my 2 sons) tonight, they are all still awake, atm Im ready to let them go lol.
I know I need to let him grow up and give him some freedom (knowing and doing are so different), funny thing is, I brought my brother up from he was 14 after my parents died and ive technically done the teenage years before but its so different since he's my first born.

I once told someone that the best thing that ever happened to Dylan was having a baby brother and the best thing that happened to Gabriel was having a baby sister
Since I had a new baby I was able to let them go a bit and do all the things they needed to do.
Meghan dosnt have a baby sibling (yet) and I am having a harder time letting her go than either of the boys.
But I am having a tough time with the idea of puberty!
I am not ready for it!
Can I stop it I wonder?

 

[KidneyBeans]

Oh, I know how hard letting go can be, Mama

We homeschool, but still, my children are in different activities where mommy isn't needed anymore

I dread every time my children choose a friend over mommy time, but I also know it is just my mommy hormones kicking in, so I back off and give them time to hang out with them.

I think a sleep over like a pp suggested would be neat!

Good luck, mama!

ETA: I see you already organized a sleep over. Lol.

 

[cuteboots]

With a 1 year old and a 2 year old you'd think id be happier knowing that he's a little bit independant and not wanting me to be there 24/7 for him lol.
Dylan is actually really good with his 2 year old sister but I think its cos she loves rough play and is super active where as wiggles isnt.

Well after the sleep over (which according to the boys was great) he's come home from school wanting to go on the school trip for 2 weeks! I wouldn't let him miss out on the experience but it seems like he'll be gone for a life time, id overheard him talking to his friends and they were all so excited about it.

The problem isn't the other boys as ive come to realise but its the fact that im not ready to let go even just a little, and I know I have to, its not healthy for him to want to be with me instead of his friends, so ive until June to prepare myself for him going off and abandoning me lol

 

[KidneyBeans]

With a 1 year old and a 2 year old you'd think id be happier knowing that he's a little bit independant and not wanting me to be there 24/7 for him lol.
Dylan is actually really good with his 2 year old sister but I think its cos she loves rough play and is super active where as wiggles isnt.

Well after the sleep over (which according to the boys was great) he's come home from school wanting to go on the school trip for 2 weeks! I wouldn't let him miss out on the experience but it seems like he'll be gone for a life time, id overheard him talking to his friends and they were all so excited about it.

The problem isn't the other boys as ive come to realise but its the fact that im not ready to let go even just a little, and I know I have to, its not healthy for him to want to be with me instead of his friends, so ive until June to prepare myself for him going off and abandoning me lol

Oh, I so know that feeling.

When my oldest informed me he wasn't going to college but in fact was moving halfway across country to find work, I was crushed. My little boy was leaving me. It was really hard, for both of us. I know he was happy with the independence, but he was definitely homesick.

We talked for about 2 hours each night for the first couple of weeks.

It'll be okay, Mama. He'll have lots of fun, but don't worry, he won't forget about you.

Letting go sucks. It is about the worst thing a mother can be asked to do.