Upset by family and friends opinions of homebirth

[aliss]

I get a lot of grief for going to a "birthing centre" (they don't even realize it's a home birth, haven't bothered with that bit...). All you can do is just prove them wrong I suppose. Everyone has their own opinion, usually starting with "... I WOULD HAVE DIED IF...", good grief, I am so sick of that statement. I've had a hospital birth with tons of complications and let's just say that hospitals don't get enough grief for the crap they caused to some of us....

 

[sharonfruit]

My mum says that - 'I nearly/could have/would have died .. '

Mm, well you didn't though did you!!

 

[summer rain]

I'm afraid it doesn't always stop after having a successful home birth either; you'd think it would. I had my second youngest at home and all went well-he did have the cord around his neck and a tight knot elsewhere in the cord but was fine, had we gone to the hospital something could have happened with the cord which meant not a nice outcome. Some of OHs family came around right away and seemed really impressed. However three years later when I was having my youngest its like they all had amnesia, all the old 'worries' about the safety of home birth came out again. OH said to them you do remember she had a home birth before right? And found their attitude was that that must've been a lucky fluke and no-way would it go right this time, charming. When the time came to it I did end up going to hospital instead because my son was in an odd position and I couldn't cope at home; and the midwives were making their excuses not to come because of poor weather conditions and their insurance. OH's family could not hide their relief. This time I'm not sure; there is a birthing centre near where we live now; but home birth is an option too. xx

 

[aliss]

Ooh welcome summer rain!! Congrats on #5, wherever he/she makes their debut Good luck

 

[gryphongrl]

Beware.. long story ahead about birth amnesia...

This all makes me think of my Mom's version of her four births... which keeps changing as my pregnancy progresses. First (before I was pregnant) it was "All my births were uneventful and in a *super comfortable* hospital". Keep in mind she is barely tolerating my homebirth plans...

First I find out she had four epidurals. I am not knocking the epidurals at all, it just surprised me, since she was a hippie and my dad to this day won't even take a tylenol for a headache. So what went on that she got epidurals, I'm wondering (we are built nearly the same so I looked to her as a bellweather)...

THEN I find out she had four inductions... At some hospitals they "pit" 80% of women, so who knows if they were necessary! Now I'm starting to feel badly for her - no wonder she needed those epidurals!.... but then next I find out she had...

FOUR episiotomies! Yowch! Now I'm getting concerned about her memory of those *super comfortable* hospital births ... Just the idea of the doc cutting through that scarred, precious tissue again and again and again... good grief...

Finally I find out that the OB did forceps delivery on the first two of the four! From what I've read from you ladies this is a perfect prescription for a horrendous and painful birth, and yet she went on to go back to the hospital time after time and has nothing but fond memories of the OB.

So I called up my Dad and asked for a recap, and he recalls all the births differently, saying that my mom was in constant agony for most of 20 hours for each birth, laying on her back, tied to the monitors and catheter, hungry, thirsty, and with epidurals of varying effectiveness. He sounds upset still when he talks about it and a little incredulous (their youngest is 30 this year).

So, I want to labor on my own time with a dedicated midwife and hopefully, avoid a lot of these painful and possibly traumatic events. Unfortunately Mom feels that if she hadn't been in the hospital, things might have gone poorly, hence doesn't want me to have a home birth - but perhaps she wouldn't have had the pitocin, then no epidural, then been able to move around during labor, then had a "easier" birth position, and had a midwife patient to let her labor for longer if necessary while she ate when hungry and drank when thirsty. Not to give TMI but now her bladder is falling out and I can't help but think that four difficult births may have contributed. I want my bladder to stay where it is

Okay, end of story.

 

[summer rain]

Ooh welcome summer rain!! Congrats on #5, wherever he/she makes their debut Good luck

Thanks hun xx

 

[FireBaby]

gryphongrl or anyone else on this thread are any of you doing or have done a homebirth for your first baby?

 

[misspriss]

gryphongrl or anyone else on this thread are any of you doing or have done a homebirth for your first baby?

I am planning to have a homebirth with my first baby.

 

[AJThomas]

^so am i

 

[gryphongrl]

^ Me too .... with a grain of humility (since it's my first, I shouldn't talk about how I know what I'm doing! )

 

[FireBaby]

That's awesome! I haven't even got my BFP yet - but I am thinking ahead and I would love to do some version of a homebirth for my #1.

 

[aliss]

That's awesome! I haven't even got my BFP yet - but I am thinking ahead and I would love to do some version of a homebirth for my #1.

Fantastic! It is a good idea to get started on your search, I booked my midwife & doula at 5 weeks, they can really fill up quickly. Good luck on your BFP!

 

[xSin]

One of the best ways I found during my pregnancy to deal with people who displayed ignorance about home birth and the safety of it was to laugh... literally laugh in their faces, it might seem rude but there ARE ways to laugh in a persons face and say that they clearly don't know what they're talking about, without being a complete bitch

Its a lighthearted way to bring attention to their own ignorance without straight up calling them ignorant worked a charm for me.

I like it because usually when you laugh and make them feel like they are missing something, they end up so "desperate" to be able to disprove you that they actually end up listening and becoming educated about it as a result...

 

[solitaire89]

You have my sympathy about your family's comments. At the end of the day you need to birth your baby where YOU feel comfortable. If that's at home, that's great. If that's in a birthing centre, great. If that's in a hospital with all the latest technology, that's great.
All I know is that there is no way on earth I could have had the fantastic experience that I had with my first in any other place than my own home. Having done lots of research into the whole thing, I settled on a planned home birth, using Natal Hypnotherapy and a birth pool (which LO wasn't delivered in!).
The risks are generally lower in a planned home birth, and the mws that will attend you will have everything they need without you having to worry about it.
As for the bed comment - 2 things spring to mind. 1. Why would I want to give birth on a bed that I don't know who's been in it last?! I'd rather be in my bed thanks. 2. You don't have to be in/on a bed to birth your baby! For goodness sake, there's more places in the house than just that small area!

 

[Annie77]

Thanks for the helpful replies guys, I guess I just didn't realise that people would think that they are entitled to such strong and biased opinions regarding the way that I give birth!! xx

I think the only person who may be entitled to an opinion is your mum. Yes you are an adult and it is your choice but you are still her baby and we all worry about our kids, no matter how old they are.

It is true though, people are very opinionated about all things pregnancy related. Just go with what feels right for you and try to ignore everyone else. I had the opposite problem with after my 2nd DD - ended up with elective section and got a hell of a time from the home-birthing/natural mums in my post natal group. Thank god I breast fed or i may have been asked to leave lol!

 

[Kess]

gryphongrl or anyone else on this thread are any of you doing or have done a homebirth for your first baby?

I hope you don't mind me answering as I wasn't on the thread, but I had a HB with my first. A link to my birth story is in my signature. I intend HB for any future children too.

I would recommend The Fathers' Homebirth Handbook for anyone who is negative about your choice. People either read all the studies etc in there and have their fears assuaged somewhat, or they CBA to read it and they lose any right to argue (and you can keep directing them back to the book, which shuts down conversations pretty fast).

 

[Jodie.82]

I got called crazy many a time when I told people I was having a homebirth! And asked things like how will you have your epidural then haha! Especially when LO was still breech at 38 weeks and the homebirth was still going ahead (super amazing hippie midwife I had was ready to take on anything!)
I got called crazy even afterwards when it went so amazingly well! People can lash out at things they are scared or intimidated by or at the unknown or non mainstream. You have to do what is right for you and what you feel comfortable with. It was the best decision I ever made I would only ever plan to give birth at home for any more babies I may be lucky enough to have.
and the blood thing I got told that too and seriously there was barely any! sorry for tmi, but like a pp said most of the pp blood was in a pad I was able to wear straight after placenta delivery and any before was on a pad on the floor under were I was on a birthing stool, we didnt get any on our bed!

 

[sticky_wishes]

Oh I love this thread! I have had a depressing day talking to uneducated, overly opinionated friends. I too am planning a relaxing home birth, with one-on-one care for my first child. I'm usually confident with my decisions but people negativity often taints it and makes me think twice. Thanks for this thread and all the lovely helpful comments which are helping me to boost back up x

 

[aliss]

First time girls, fingers_crossed just posted her (successful) first time HB in 3rd tri, if you'd like to read

https://babyandbump.momtastic.com/p...ccessful-home-birth-my-little-boy-joshua.html