Very stressed! In need of suggestions plz!

[jzgrace]

My husband has a half brother who is older and has been out of control for many years. In and out of prison and jail stays. Violent behavior, alcohol abuse, will not hold a job. Has fathered many children all over this nation and he WON'T go away. He just got out of jail a day and a half ago. And called my husband at 6a.m. and TOLD him "I just got out and I'm coming to your house." He sent letters from jail asking to stay here for a few weeks. My husband never replied. But the morning he got out decided to invite himself. He got here and started knocking on our bedroom door asking for money, cloths and rides. (Its never a problem helping ANYONE when they are in need. But when it goes on for years and they never even TRY to help themselves it gets to the point where you want to say no.) Last time he went on his alcohol binge he was arguing with his wife and invited himself to sleep on our couch. Vomiting all over my new carpet, spitting his tobacco in bottles leaving it all over my house,just nasty.He left and then came and stormed into our house and was talking about shooting his wife's ex, taking out people on his "hit list", and being crazy. We called the police and they wouldn't do a thing because "he hasn't hurt anyone". He ended up going to a bar, pulling a knife on someone and got arrested. This guy is a menace. He has Nazi tattoos and has been racist all his life. Wouldn't allow his wife to have a friend that wasn't white. While he was in jail his wife went out and the first thing she did was sleep with three different guys. She ended up pregnant he got out of jail about 7 months later. Stay with his wife and when she had the baby it was a beautiful little mixed girl. She had planned the whole time to adopt the baby out to a loving couple. But he tried to talk her into keeping her. We saw some drastic changes in him for the better. He stayed away from alcohol for a while got a job. And then BOOM the whole thing started again. He got locked up about a month ago after his binge, then got out a day and a half ago. Came to our house and less than 24 hours later he was drunk and came staggering to our house and passed out on the porch. I asked the neighbor to call the police because we are terrified of him knowing if we call. And the police came and woke him up telling him that I asked the neighbor to call. So protecting me , my husband said no we didn't call. And the police asked us if he could stay at our house. My husband said yes. 20 minutes later he was sleeping on the couch and woke up vomiting blood all over my newly installed carpet(again!) We called 911 and had them take him to the hospital. I am so stressed and terrified of him. We dont ever have anything to do with him or his wife as far as socializing because of the lives they lead.My tummy was cramping last night after scrubbing my carpet and dealing with this guy. My husband and I have compassion for people and empathy. But how do we tell him he is not welcome when we are in such great fear of this person? When the police won't do anything until he actually hurts someone? I'm scared and I don't know what to do or who to talk to. But I need him gone. I can't have my baby around someone like this. He won't go away. We have told him he is not allowed to be here but he just comes here anyway and we are afraid of what he will do if we confront him. He feels entitled because "I'm your brother!" He says.
I'm sorry this was so long. And if you made it this far any advice would be helpful.

 

[VALiz]

Oh my....that sounds intense. I'm sorry you are dealing with that. I would be furious. I can't believe he was told he couldn't stay and yet he's still there! He would be considered trespassing if he wasn't allowed on the property so I think the police would do something about that.

I understand you are afraid of him but he's got to go. Do you have family you can talk to about this? Can your hubby make up an excuse about you being pregnant and not feeling well so need the space to yourself?

 

[jzgrace]

Thanks for your reply. I am furious. I get sick to my stomach at the thought of him. I'm sure my husband wouldn't have a problem saying something like that. And if he is sober he probably would respect our wishes. But if he is drinking all sense of respect or rightful thought goes out the window. I've thought about telling him myself that he is not allowed to be here and just calling the police next time he sets foot on our property. I'm just so terrified of the next time he comes back what he will do, he has bragged about body slamming his wife and punching his ex wife in the face. I guess I might just have to grow a pair and deal with what comes next.

 

[ItsJana]

You and your DH need to make things extremely clear to him. No letting him in the house whatsoever. Change the locks, get a restraining order and keep him far away from your family.

 

[jzgrace]

Yes. I agree. It is at the point now where im ready to pack up and go to my moms until I can get the order. Its going to be hard to get him served he has no home address. Im going to go to the court house tomorrow.

 

[sethsmummy]

Good luck hun! I hope you dont encounter any problems getting the papers but i highly suggest ALWAYS keeping your door locked so he cant just walk in and if he has a key change the locks.

what a disgusting excuse for a man! I hope your ok hun and the cramps stopped xx

 

[RoxieHart]

That is absolutely horrible. I don't have much advice but I'm so sorry your going through this. He really doesn't sound like a nice person and I hope he eventually gets the message and stays away. Just be careful he sounds reckless and like he doesn't care about the result of things. Sorry you have to put up with this

 

[mmMlm]

Sounds like a terrible situation. Why isn't he staying with his wife?
Can your husband have a talk with him and convince him to get into rehab to at least deal with the drinking issue?

 

[Reyrey7]

Haven't really got any advise but please just do what is best for you and the baby. Maybe you should go stay with your mum for a while

Xx

 

[StranjeGirl]

Yikes!!! That is horrible!!! I am so sorry you are going through this. Sounds like you are doing all the right things- looking into restraining order etc. If you feel threatened consider leaving and staying with someone. It is not worth the risk or stress for you and the baby. DH can try and sort things out and let you know when it's safe to come back.

 

[jzgrace]

Thank you all for the responses. I started contracting a few days ago. And ended up going to the hospital. They checked urine , cervical length, and checked lo hb. Everythi g was perfect health wise. They told me stress will cause contractions and to keep relaxed and my doctor wants to see me in his office tomorrow. As for my bil. He is finally gone. His wife was staying in a homless shelter with a restraining order against him. But apparently they are staying in a hotel because he begged his 16 yr old son ( who he's NEVER had anything to do with) for money for a hotel. He and his wife were told they are not welcome on our property. And they havent been back in over 24 hours. I pray they stay away.

 

[mmMlm]

Good luck, I hope that he stays away and that you feel better

 

[jzgrace]

He came back and was aggressive to my husband and I. We called 911 but he ran
He is now under a warrant status and will go to jail for only 60 days when caught. Our restraining order wasnt in effect yet. So they are picking him up due to violation of ppo from his wife and she will have a visit from csp because she shouldnt have been with him after fileing a ppo against him. And my husband is going to our local arms dealer to apply for a firearm. We have not been home since. But tomorrow after dh gets his 9mm we will feel safe enough to return home. Bil called mil and told her he us hireing a female to hurt me and my unborn. Police cant do anything until he actually hurts someone or physically attempts to. So we will have to arm ourselves.