Want to go natural, but dealing with ‘what if’ fears

[lizzywiz]

I hope this is the right forum for this topic- if not, I apologize.
I have the option of giving birth at a hospital where (hypothetically) I can have a drug free birth with minimal interventions, if I fight for it and if I don’t cave under their fear tactics.
Or, I can give birth at a really nice birthing center, with no unwanted interventions, where I’ll be encouraged to labor however works best for me and my baby.
I can’t give birth at home due to my insurance not covering it and me not having the cash.
So, the obvious answer is the birthing center, right?
Not so much. Now that it comes down to actually making the decision, I find myself paralyzed by the ‘what ifs’:
What is the baby is born in distress? What if we need a NICU (neonatal intensive care) and I chose a place 15 minutes away from the nearest hospital? I have done tons of research and I know that most births can easily be handled away from a hospital, but what if my baby is one of the ones that needs emergency medical care? What if, what if, what if?
I know the birth center fits my family best but I am struggling. I did not expect to feel this way. Did other mothers feel this and how did you work through these anxieties?

 

[Torontogal]

I can't advise you specifically because I don't have that option where I am, I am going with a midwife and my options are home or hospital. I am picking hospital for the reasons you mentioned although I am not worried about getting interventions unless I want them because I will be under the care of the midwife, not the hospital, the hospital basically just provides the room. However if something happens the midwife can transfer me to the hospital's care without physically moving me, if that makes sense.

Have you tried talking to your midwife or OB about the birthing centre's policies for transferring patients? They must have policies and procedures in place for patient transfers and they probably do these transfers often enough to be fairly good at it. Maybe if you thoroughly reviewed them with your care provider it would give you more information with which to make your decision?

 

[Kess]

I think most people have those fears. I got over them by reading research, and realising that the risks at hospital were about the same level, though of different things. I.e. the chance of me or baby dying at home was about the same as the chance of me or baby dying in hospital, though likely attributable to different things IYKWIM. Once I stopped seeing hospital as a safer, lower-risk option, and just an option with different risks, I was able to make the decision best for us.

 

[emsbaby916]

I am dealing with the same issues right now, but trying to decided between home or the hospital. My midwife doesn't deliver at the birthing center and I don't want to deliver with anyone else so it's decision time. Kess, I love what you said about not thinking of the hospital as a safer option, but just a different option with different risks. I'm going to share that with my husband. I'm trying to stop thinking about all of the "what ifs" and just trust the process and my body. I know how hard it is to just trust yourself and let go of all the fear, but just keep trying! You'll get there! I need to keep saying the same things to myself.

 

[Celesse]

The vast majority of things that can go wrong during labour and birth have signs before hand, so there is plenty of time to transfer to a department offering a higher level of care before it becomes an emergency.

 

[Tacey]

If there was an emergency and you needed to get into surgery, they would be getting the room ready, team assembled etc. while you were on your way from the centre, and you'd go straight in. They'd still have to get everything together if you were in the hospital.

I think it comes down to where you feel safest birthing though!

 

[kellyb]

I have the same "what if" fears that you do, as my husband and I recently decided to have a homebirth instead of delivering in a birth center within a hospital. I found that this website: https://www.homebirth.org.uk/ really answered a lot of my questions. I don't know if the "what ifs" will ever fully go away, as that's a part of my personality, but I can so see how much the benefits outweigh the negatives in a homebirth or birth centre.

 

[hot tea]

I am such a broken record, but if you have access to Netflix or even just to download movies, look up the documentary The Business of Being Born. It is sooo informative about hospital births versus homebirths, etc etc.

With my first I had a hospital birth, though I had midwives and did not deal with any hospital staff whatsoever. It was just a room wi a bed where I could push my baby out in, then go home. i had a completely unmedicated birth without any interventions - though I do not believe that would have been the case if I hadnt had my midwives there. Anyways, with having a smooth and easy birth it only seemed natural to have a homebirth this time round.

I also had your concerns. As time grows shorter (and watching the documentary mentioned) I have become more confident. In the case of an emergency and need of a csection, the hospital will be called prior, room ready and off I go. Midwives can handle every other high stress situation. The only thing they cannot do is surgery. They ARE prepared! I should add my hospital is around thirty minutes away.

 

[lizzywiz]

Wow, great replies!
It actually helped big time just to know I wasn't alone in these fears.
Kess- I also appreciate your advice to think of it as 'a different option with different risks'

Thanks, ladies!

 

[kellyb]

I totally second hot tea on "The Business of Being Born." I think I've watched that movie maybe 4 times now, and it inspires me every time! Tonight, we're showing it to my mom, hoping that she can get on board with our choices!!!

 

[NaturalMomma]

Majority of women have those fears. I had those fears and I chose a homebirth (in your case if I only had those 2 options it would be the birth center). I couldn't let the what ifs rule me.

 

[ruby559]

I would like to go as natural as possible and am looking into hypnobirthing. I would love a water birth but my hospital only has one tub so my midwife has suggested that I think about a homebirth. I think my oh is concerned about possible issues or things that could go wrong, and this isa big factor in deciding for me

 

[Kess]

I would like to go as natural as possible and am looking into hypnobirthing. I would love a water birth but my hospital only has one tub so my midwife has suggested that I think about a homebirth. I think my oh is concerned about possible issues or things that could go wrong, and this isa big factor in deciding for me

I know I recommend this book a lot, but it really is worth getting hold of the Father's Homebirth Handbook. It has a great chapter on risk and studies about hb, as well as quotes from men whose partners have homebirthed.

 

[aliss]

I had a "what if?" happen to me, severe true shoulder dystocia which is a very rare occurrence, and unfortunately over-interventions at the hospital contributed greatly. Pick your poison I suppose, but I believe a woman with a normal healthy pregnancy (or even 'minor' complications like breech) doesn't belong strapped on a hospital bed!

Even with my "what if?", if I had to do it all over again, it would have been at home in the first place and not the hospital.

 

[ruby559]

Thank you for your responses, I think I will get that book, maybe it will make him feel a bit better