Wanting to try in future but there's a problem

[xrigorxmortis]

Hi there

So in a couple of years I want to try but my problem is I really do not want a girl. In my head I keep envisioning me finding out it's a girl and just being devastated. I've always imagined myself with boys and lord knows they are so much easier IMO. I really can't stand females or being around them too much. I know it sounds silly but I'm worried. I have zero female friends and I get along with guys bc girls are really stupid for some reason. I just have no idea how to even deal with a girl at all. Has anyone else run into this??

 

[loeylo]

"Girls are really stupid"


This is going to go down well in a predominantly female forum ...

Also, if that is the extent of your dislike for females, I really don't think you should reporoduce. Not only are you running the risk of having a "stupid" girl (slightly more than 50% of babies are female) - but also, if you have a boy, I don't see how you can raise them to respect women if you don't even respect them yourself.

Are you really young? Maybe waiting a while is a good idea ...

 

[xrigorxmortis]

"Girls are really stupid"


This is going to go down well in a predominantly female forum ...

Also, if that is the extent of your dislike for females, I really don't think you should reporoduce. Not only are you running the risk of having a "stupid" girl (slightly more than 50% of babies are female) - but also, if you have a boy, I don't see how you can raise them to respect women if you don't even respect them yourself.

Are you really young? Maybe waiting a while is a good idea ...

I'm not really young but this is why I'm being honest up front before I reproduce and get to see what people think. A lot of people prefer one gender for a baby over the other it's just that girls r drama and I don't know how to deal with them. I'm also obviously not a mom but just from what I seen boys are more chill and cry a lot less like if a girl falls she will freak out but guys just brush it off and keep going. Maybe my perception will change but I really don't know why anyone would want a girl

 

[aidensxmomma]

"Girls are really stupid"


This is going to go down well in a predominantly female forum ...

Also, if that is the extent of your dislike for females, I really don't think you should reporoduce. Not only are you running the risk of having a "stupid" girl (slightly more than 50% of babies are female) - but also, if you have a boy, I don't see how you can raise them to respect women if you don't even respect them yourself.

Are you really young? Maybe waiting a while is a good idea ...

I'm not really young but this is why I'm being honest up front before I reproduce and get to see what people think. A lot of people prefer one gender for a baby over the other it's just that girls r drama and I don't know how to deal with them. I'm also obviously not a mom but just from what I seen boys are more chill and cry a lot less like if a girl falls she will freak out but guys just brush it off and keep going. Maybe my perception will change but I really don't know why anyone would want a girl

Prefering one gender is a lot different than how you're coming off. And gender is not a determination of personality. I have two sons and two daughters - my girls are and always have been easier and more laid back than my boys. Not that it really matters.

If you can't stand the idea of a daughter that much then I truly hope you decide not to have any kids at all.

 

[staralfur]

I understand having a preference when it comes to gender, personally I really wanted a girl.

But the way you're speaking about girls really goes beyond a gender preference. You don't just have a preference for a boy, you seem to straight up dislike girls.

Until you're prepared to figure out why you have such a strong dislike for females and can remedy it, I suggest you don't risk inflicting that bitterness on a child. As loeylo pointed out, even if you get your wish and have a boy, you don't seem capable of bringing him up to treat women with much respect.

I might also suggest that perhaps your attitude towards girls is a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. I myself have way more male friends than female friends, and I tend to get along better with men strictly based on interests. But that's much different than saying "I really can't stand girls, they're stupid." That's kind of off-putting, and I'm sure that comes across to some extent when you're around women. Perhaps if you were a little more open minded and accepting you'd find that closing yourself off to half of the population based on stereotypes and generalizations isn't actually necessary.

 

[StillPraying]

Having a preference for a certain gender is one thing, many people do have a preference when they start having kids. I hoped for a boy first, not because I don't like girls, but because I wanted the older brother kind of thing. I have 2 girls and they are amazing. And neither one of them is stupid, thank you very much. In fact, my 5 year old is described as "freakishly smart" by anyone who meets her. To be honest, the way you are describing your feelings towards girls is very immature and not even close to accurate. Your gender does not determine your personality or your intelligence. You say boys are easier, but you don't have kids so how could you know that? There is nothing wrong with having a preference or hoping you have a boy, or even dealing with gender disappointment if you have a girl. But there is something very wrong with your outlook on females as a whole, so you may want to consider dealing with that before having kids. If it really is THAT extreme to you, it may be best not to have kids or wait until you no longer have such extreme opinions on gender.

 

[MindUtopia]

Your perceptions of what 'girls' and 'boys' are like seem a little bit silly to be honest. It sounds like maybe you just need to get out more and meet more people. Maybe it's because my high school days are a couple decades behind me now but the assumption that all girls are 'drama' just because they have a vagina sounds like something a 15 year old would say. Certainly in my own experience (I have a daughter and 90% of my friends do as well) none of what you've said rings true for me. My daughter is lovely and confident and kind and easy to be around. The kinds of people kids become have to do with how they're raised, not what sex organs they have. Maybe just the kids in your family and among your friends just aren't parented very well and you need to make some new friends who can better model how good parenting is done?

Ultimately though, being a parent is about putting someone else ahead of your self. It's the most selfless form of caring you can do for another person. I think it's really normal to have a preference or only be able to 'see' a certain sort of family. That happens to lots of us who think we'll have a girl but have all boys or who only wanted one but had twins or who wanted a healthy child but had one who has a disability. The thing about being a parent is you love that child no matter how different reality is from what you dreamed it would be. I think when you're ready to be a parent (and you said right now you aren't so it's quite possible this will feel different when you are) all that stuff has to fall away and you love the family you've created. If you genuinely don't think you can do that over something seemingly trivial, then you probably aren't selfless enough to be a parent and you're right it might not be for you. You don't want a child growing up feeling like a second class citizen because their parent has issues that they weren't able to overcome before they were born.

 

[cupcake.]

Having a gender preference is one thing but wanting a boy because they may cry less when they fall down? What kind of thought process even is that?
Also, it is usually said that more boys tend to be very colicky babies compared to girls. And that is a whole lot worse than having a child cry when hurt (which imho is a healthy thing to do and something to be encouraged in children of either sex, not brushing off feelings or feeling like you have to hold them back)
I had a very colicky baby so if crying for extended amount of times puts you off, it's probably best not to have a baby at all ever.

The character of a child has very little to do with its sex, and a lot more to do with how it's raised but even then there's things you just can't change. Children are individuals and develop their very own character. There are boys who are very sensitive and cry lots, just as there are girls who are tough and fall down trees only to climb on the next bigger one.
And also, obviously that's a scenario that won't happen to most familys, but does happen to lots: what would you do if you did get a boy and all is well he may be just the way you envisioned him up until say puberty when he realizes he is transgender?

When having a child you bring a new human being into the world and take on the responsibility to care for it, nourish it and teach them to be a caring individual but most importantly love them and make sure they know they are loved unconditionally. But it feels like from what you say you're not able to do that since it's not just about gender but what you seem to want is an extremely stereotyped picture of a boy and that just isn't realistic.

 

[heaveneats]

Please do not have children if this is the way you feel, it breaks my heart to think you may have a girl and she would be in any way unloved or made to feel that way. This is a horrible way to start your parenting journey.

 

[xrigorxmortis]

Please do not have children if this is the way you feel, it breaks my heart to think you may have a girl and she would be in any way unloved or made to feel that way. This is a horrible way to start your parenting journey.

Ok maybe I'm just scared if it's a girl. I don't know. I don't want to be mean to anybody I just hear horror stories about girls and sets me off. I don't know how to deal with them maybe maybe I just heard wrong. Just don't want a girl females just are back stabbers and almost every one has let me down

I just can't handle girls?

 

[xrigorxmortis]

Not to mention females don't get along. Having one girl is bad enough another one would be a catastrophe

 

[StillPraying]

There are just as many horror stories of boys as there are for girls. Being a back stabber has nothing to do with your gender. I have 2 girls, I was raised with 2 brothers and 2 sisters. The things you are identifying with as being "girl traits" aren't girl traits. Those are traits of bad people. Have you considered talking to a counselor about your feelings towards females? It may be a good idea to talk to someone to sort it out before you do decide to ttc, because your emotions about the possibility of having a girl aren't healthy and really not a good way to begin as a parent

 

[staralfur]

Please do not have children if this is the way you feel, it breaks my heart to think you may have a girl and she would be in any way unloved or made to feel that way. This is a horrible way to start your parenting journey.

Ok maybe I'm just scared if it's a girl. I don't know. I don't want to be mean to anybody I just hear horror stories about girls and sets me off. I don't know how to deal with them maybe maybe I just heard wrong. Just don't want a girl females just are back stabbers and almost every one has let me down

I just can't handle girls?

Again, it sounds like you need to get to the root of why you feel this way about females before you risk being responsible for caring for one/teaching a boy how to treat girls.

I'm sorry that you feel like almost every female has let you down, perhaps it would help you to speak with someone about your experiences and try to figure out a way to not apply them to every female in general.

 

[hopeandpray]

It sounds like you've had a hard time in life and this has left you with a very twisted view of the world. I'd advice you to go and seek help and get some counselling. Also, you presumably are females so you either have some major cognitive dissonance or severe self-loathing.

 

[HopefulPony]

TBH it looks like this poster may be a troll... her description is "press/research"...

For the record though, I have two boys and they both cry, a lot. And I comfort them, because that's what do you as a parent (or as a decent human being!). Saying you don't want a kid that cries... jeez.

 

[StillPraying]

TBH it looks like this poster may be a troll... her description is "press/research"...

For the record though, I have two boys and they both cry, a lot. And I comfort them, because that's what do you as a parent (or as a decent human being!). Saying you don't want a kid that cries... jeez.

I didn't even notice that! You are probably right.