Water birth after waters have broken?

[disneydarling]

I had my girl 3 months ago, and I was so excited to have a water birth.

I had a lovely straightforward pregnancy, and my labour started at home by my waters breaking, and contractions started soon after. When I got to triage a few hours later, I was 4cm and ready to be admitted, but they wouldn't let me go to the birth centre to have my water birth because they said that if your labour starts with waters breaking you are not allowed one.

I had a very upsetting birth experience. In a moment of weakness I asked for an epi, and rather than talk me out of it which was the most important note on my birth plan, my husband and midwife encouraged me to get it, which resulted on me laying on my back, and baby moving sideways, and then an emergency c-section. I hate myself for this because I believe I am 100% to blame for having no will power to try harder for what I wanted.

This is probably doing me no good, but I've done a quick google and found plenty of people have had a water birth after their waters breaking at home. I am so devastated about this because now I feel even more that I am to blame for the situation, I should have fought for my water birth.

All I really want to know is if any of you had a water birth after your waters breaking at home and did it all go smoothly?

 

[Amygdala]

I'm sorry to say I did. Never even heard of that being an issue? I'd take it up with the hospital, just to get some closure. You can request a "birth debrief" meeting, at which you could discuss this.
Anyway, please don't blame yourself! I had an unmediated water birth, as I'd planned. But honestly, if anyone had offered me drugs or an epi, let alone encouraged me to take them, I would have agreed without a second though. You cannot blame yourself for not having enough "will power" when in active labour! You're not yourself and you're certainly not calm or fully rational enough to make that kind of decision. I'd be upset at the midwife not sticking to your birth plan and I'd certainly have a word with OH to make sure he supports you better next time. Don't blame him either though, he'll have been scared and confused by you asking for the epi and would probably have done anything to make you feel better at that moment. Talking about it would definitely be a good start though, just don't accuse.
And lastly: Is your little girl healthy? In the end, isn't that all that matters? I completely understand you being upset at not getting the birth you'd hoped for (I was, for different reasons). But what's done is done and the trauma will fade and the more you actively try to let it go, the sooner you'll feel better about it. You did not fail. You are not to blame. It went differently than you would have wanted, but it got your little girl here safe and everything turned out ok in the end.

 

[juhnayrae]

I had a natural birth at the hospital a few weeks ago. Although I didn't birth in the water, I did labor in it quite a bit. My waters never broke on their own, my midwife broke them for me (after DH and I asked her to in the hopes of speeding up labor) but I was still allowed to get in the pool after that. My midwife never mentioned things changing after she broke my waters.

 

[juhnayrae]

Also, don't beat yourself up. I was in hard labor for the last 5 hours (20 in total) and near the end I got pretty hysterical. DH did ask if I wanted something for the pain (he felt so helpless watching me and not being able to do anything) and I know he would've encouraged me to do it if my midwife had also suggested it. At that point I would've done it if my midwife had suggested it too, I was in so much pain.

Labor is no walk in the park. The pain is unimaginable and the only thing that got me through was my incredible support team, especially my midwife who knew I really wanted a natural birth and knew exactly how to support me in that. So don't beat yourself up! I hope next time around you get the birth experience you want!

 

[disneydarling]

Thank you both for awnsering.

You are right, I am so lucky to have a healthy daughter, and I wouldn't change that for the world. But I didn't NEED a c-section for her to be born healthy, when they took me in for the surgery, there was nothing wrong with either of us, they just didn't think she was in the right position to be pushed out. I think if I'd had the c-section because she was in danger then I wouldn't feel like this.

I've tried talking to my husband about it, but he doesn't take me seriously. Having my daughter has made me the happiest I have ever been in my entire life, so of course nobody takes this small problem that is upsetting me seriously. If I see a birth on TV or hear somebody talking about birth I just start crying and can't stop. The only think that makes me feel better is a cuddle or smile from my lovely baby, she makes me feel so much better, but I can't go in for the rest of my life crying when somebody mentions birth.

I have never heard of a birth debrief meeting, I might look into it but I have no idea how to go about it though. My husband and I have been together for 8 years and he has always been the most amazing, wonderful, supportive man, I think he just freaked out when I was in so much pain and just didn't do what he was supposed to do to help me out.

In some ways I wish I hadn't asked, because it's making me more upset to know that I really could have had my water birth, but I feel like I have to feel these feelings if I am to ever get over it.

 

[Amygdala]

You will. The trauma wears off, I promise. But if you think it's help, do look into a birth debrief. Your health visitor should be able to direct you or you could phone the midwife (team) who looked after you.

 

[disneydarling]

Thank you, I'm taking my girl to be weighed this week so I'm going to talk to the health visitor while I'm there!

 

[irish_cob]

There are birth trauma counsellors too, not very many in the UK admittedly, but they do exist. Lori Fitzgerald is one. I had a lot of sessions with her after the birth of my daughter, not so much for birth trauma - although like you I had an emergency section - but because of various post natal issues. She is based in West Yorkshire but she does sessions by Skype I think, and also might be able to help you find someone closer to connect with. She's passionate about supporting women and about the affect of birth trauma, so definitely worth a phone call I think. (And no I'm not on commission haha!)

Google for LifeBoost UK. I don't know if I'm allowed to provide links on here.

I just want you to know I do understand how you feel. I think the reaction of friends and family who tell you the important thing is a healthy baby is very crass, and shows a real lack of understanding. What about a healthy mum? Mentally healthy as well as physically healthy? I don't know what to tell you about how to deal with it, I have my own demons related to post-natal issues which have completely swamped the c-section/birth trauma issues, but I wanted you to know you are not alone, and you are not wrong or broken in any way for feeling like this.

 

[disneydarling]

Thank you so much irish_cob, I'm actually looking up Lori Fitzgerald as I'm replying back to you.

You are so right about that friends and family only care about physical recovery. They keep going on about how well I recovered from my c-section (which I did, really fast and not much pain) but nobody ever asks me how I feel about it emotionally.

My main problem is that I know it was all my fault, I was led to make bad decisions, but I should have been strong enough to know my own mind.

 

[irish_cob]

It's not your fault sweetheart, you were let down by a system which didn't support you in your wishes or keep you fully informed with everything that was happening.

Let me know how you go on please?

 

[disneydarling]

It's not your fault sweetheart, you were let down by a system which didn't support you in your wishes or keep you fully informed with everything that was happening.

Let me know how you go on please?

Will do xx

 

[Amygdala]

My main problem is that I know it was all my fault, I was led to make bad decisions, but I should have been strong enough to know my own mind.

You need to stop saying this to yourself. It is NOT your fault. Knowing your own mind is all well and good but it just doesn't apply in labour. In my last labour, I would have agreed to anything to ease the pain at one point and I mean literally anything. I was lucky enough to have mudwives who stuck to my birth plan and a partner who was confident that he knew what I ultimately wanted and no-one offered me drugs at that point. I would have consented to being knocked out with a club by that point, seriously. Women who "achieve" natura births are to a large extend lucky to have brilliant support. So don't go blaming yourself!

I'm serious about not repeating that it's your fault by the way. Instead, tell yourself, as often as you can, "I was very unlucky things didn't go the way I wanted. I did what I could and am not at fault." Sure, you won't believe it at first but eventually you'll see that it's true.

 

[disneydarling]

Thank you amygdala. I think you are right that I am dealing with issues with blaming myself, and I really hope that one day I will think that I am not to blame.

You are so lucky to have had a supportive partner and midwives, that's great.
I found the community midwives were really supportive and really encouraging about natural birth, so I didn't really think that the hospital midwives would be different, but obviously they were. It's a shame my partner wasn't the one who helped me through it, I think he was just as unprepared as I was about the pain (I had no fear about the pain my entire pregnancy) and he didn't expect to see me hurting so much. I've always prided myself on being a strong, brave woman, so that's why I think it's bothering me so much. I should have been able to cope and I don't know why I couldn't.

 

[Amygdala]

Well, I was the same before the birth and was sure I'd "cope" and then when it got to it, I was literally screaming my head off for hours. My notes say I was "extremely vocal" I just completely lost control. And I blamed myself for that for a long time and if I'm honest, I'm still embarrassed at my own "weakness". But it is what it is. This time, I hope both I and DH are much better prepared. To be honest, I'm kind of hoping for a do-over. But no matter how this time goes, I've gotten to terms with last time mostly. The emotions were quite raw for the first 6 months or so though.

 

[Kess]

My first contractions were 20 mins or so after my waters broke, and my MW didn't say anything that would have made me doubt my suitability for a waterbirth.

You really need to stop blaming yourself hun. When you're in labour you're vulnerable, you're not quite thinking straight tbh, and it isn't weakness that means in that state you trust the people who should be there to help you. It's brain chemistry. Much milder than your situation, but I'd instructed my MW not to offer any pain relief other than TENS and birth pool, and I was a little put out that she offered G&A. I took it, not because I needed it, but because in that state anything other than acquiescence is very unlikely. Don't blame yourself.

 

[fides]

I'm sorry you didn't get the birth you were hoping for, but like the others said, it's not your fault!


my m/w wouldn't allow water births after PROM b/c of the slight risk of bacteria being introduced from the water to the birth canal. i don't know if that's the same reason they denied one to you, but thought i'd share just in case.

 

[MindUtopia]

Sounds like some silly person at the hospital just didn't know what they were talking about. I'm sorry they weren't more supportive of your birth plan though.

My waters broke first (contractions started maybe an hour after). I didn't actually have a water birth, but I did plan to have one and I did get in the pool for about 30 minutes. I didn't like it that much so I got out and had my daughter on dry land. But my midwives were very supportive of water birth and I've never heard of anyone here not being allowed in the pool because of ruptured membranes. I think it used to be a bit of a myth that the water could take bacteria up to the baby if the sac was broken, but that's just a myth, unless you are birthing in dirty water (though obviously people must still believe it). I had my daughter on dry land (on our bedroom floor), so like I said, no actual water birth, but they would have been happy for me to do it if I'd want to stay in.

That said, hang in there. Being a mum is hard and you will always have guilt about the things that didn't go the way you'd hoped. I had a really positive birth experience, but dismal support with breastfeeding. I only BF for 10 weeks because my daughter struggled so much to latch. It turns out - 7 months later - I found out she has all sorts of issues with her mouth and palate that we could have overcome if they'd been properly diagnosed after birth. I have horrible guilt about that (even though formula feeding meant she actually gained weight again and thrived). But you can't change the past. The only thing you can do is forgive yourself for not being perfect (no one is!) and accept that you did the best you could do in a challenging situation with the knowledge you had at the time. I think that's what being a mum is all about (even though it's really hard some days!).

 

[disneydarling]

The only thing you can do is forgive yourself for not being perfect (no one is!) and accept that you did the best you could do in a challenging situation with the knowledge you had at the time. I think that's what being a mum is all about (even though it's really hard some days!).

That is EXACTLY what I think I needed to hear. Thank you.

 

[irish_cob]

I've been wondering how you're doing. Did you speak to Lori? Loads of

 

[disneydarling]

I've been wondering how you're doing. Did you speak to Lori? Loads of

Awww thanks for thinking of me! I've got a health visitor coming round next week to talk about the birth with me, so I'm going to see what happens from there!