Wedding breakfast the next morning?

[hayz_baby]

Eta I used wedding breakfast in the wrong context! I didn't know that meal was wedding breakfast and it's caused some confusion in my post! I don't mean the actual main wedding meal. I mean breakfast in itself the next morning. I would never dream of oh not going to the main wedding meal or the wedding breakfast. Sorry!!!

My oh is best man at a wedding we are going to on Friday. When the wedding was originally planned we thought we would stay in the hotel and said that to them. Then when I fell pregnant we said we would probably not stay now (I know slightly messing about) due to money. We never booked the room nor did we say 100% definite we were staying there either. It didn't seem like a big deal at the time. The wedding breakfast has now been brought up a couple of times. Last night it was mentioned about going. The thing is we don't drive and they are getting married on the other side of town. On the day of the wedding I have to get a taxi there, and I will b getting a taxi back (if lo has had enough) and leaving oh money for a taxi to go back in his own time. That journey is going to cost around the £10 mark. So that night is costing us £30 just to get there and back. We also paid for the majority of oh suit (£160+) plus the cost of drinks as well (luckily oh isn't a big drinker but will have a few and again I'm not going to stop and I obviously won't b drinking) this wedding breakfast would mean paying an additional £20 to get there and back plus whatever it costs to have the breakfast. I just don't think we can afford it. Money is really tight right now as we have just moved (we rent and our tenancy ended the same week) I know some people might think its a little selfish but we had to move for a variety of reasons that suited our family!
Last night I was literally going to say I don't think we can afford it when the guy (the groom) says it's annoying coz blah blah isn't going and it's annoying as it's still part of the wedding. Oh then going well as best man I really need to go then.
I mentioned money afterwards when he had gone and oh was like I know... He said he will talk to him tomorrow when we see them again.
Are we being unfair by saying no considerig oh is best man. Should we have stayed at the hotel/ should we be going to the breakfast and put up with the cost? At the cost of putting us with no money? Spending about £50 just to get there and back over a course of 2 days?
I'm not able to get a lift there (tried and it's a fri which limits me) and oh may b able to split taxi back on way home but won't save huge amount of money. No one is able to give us a lift on the sat either so that makes it that it's taxi or nothing.
Opinions please? Thanks! C

 

[binxyboo]

What do you mean by the wedding breakfast. Traditionally this is the meal on the day of the wedding. The best man needs to attend this for speeches etc.
If you are talking about breakfast at the hotel the morning AFTER the wedding, then, you don't need to attend. The wedding is over. The best man duties are finished.

 

[hayz_baby]

No they aren't having anything specific before the wedding as such and they are having speeches done on the day during dinner. This is the breakfast the next day. Oh is staying over the Thursday anyway so will b there for whole of fri anyway

 

[supertabby]

Are you sure that's what they mean? Have they specifically said the next morning? The meal you eat at the wedding reception itself, with speeches etc, is called the wedding breakfast. Its because it's the first meal the couple eat together as husband and wife. If they've just said "wedding breakfast" I'm sure they'll be talking about the reception.

 

[hayz_baby]

It's the sat morning yes. I may have just called it the wrong thing. They won't have breakfast together on the fri as they won't see each other. If anything happens fri morning oh will b there anyway. But yes the next day

 

[hayz_baby]

Anything that happens on the fri we are there for. I have probably called it the wrong thing but it is breakfast the next day. Altho I will make sure oh makes that clear to him what exactly we are talking about just in case there is any confusion.
He mentioned times last night as well if that helps he was saying about half 9/10

 

[Pearls18]

Are you sure they mean the breakfast the next day? I have never known anyone make a fuss about breakfast, most weddings I've been to even in hotels the couples actually stay in different hotels so not to have to see people at breakfast, I personally found it awkward when we married and people were there the next day (of course we knew they would be there lol and didn't mind) but to me it's private time for my new husband and I. I wouldn't stay in a hotel for a wedding that was close by. If they mean the dinner after the wedding then yeah I think the best man should definitely be there it's an important part of the day and think every effort should be made to stay as long as possible. I don't know if I'm confused lol sounds very strange!! If couples are starting to moan about people not being there for breakfast, what will be next, will all guests have to attend the honeymoon lol??

 

[lindseymw]

So they want you/DH to attend to have breakfast the day after the wedding? That does seem odd to me. I can't honestly say I have heard of anyone requesting this of anyone.

Are you 100% they mean that? As pp said "Wedding Breakfast" refers to the meal held after the wedding i.e the 3 course formal meal with toasts, speeches, cutting the cake etc as opposed to an actual breakfast.

 

[hayz_baby]

Yeah they have mentioned it before sayin "blah blah will b there coz he's staying the night" "oh if you stay the night u can come to the breakfast" and last night sayin it will b about half 9 10 not to sure when it is. (Like they haven't "booked" it)

 

[Pearls18]

Yeah they have mentioned it before sayin "blah blah will b there coz he's staying the night" "oh if you stay the night u can come to the breakfast" and last night sayin it will b about half 9 10 not to sure when it is. (Like they haven't "booked" it)

God people will be having wedding weekends next instead of wedding days, it's rather self indulgent if you ask me, I certainly wouldn't be making an effort to go if it was difficult, they get their DAY lol.

 

[hayz_baby]

To be clear as well oh will b there all day on fri (the day of the wedding) ad will stay for as long as needed/wanted so for the meal (I have always called it dinner but for this purpose we shall say the main meal) he will b there, I wouldn't dream of saying no to that bit! Especially as best man! Also in my op I mentioned that the groom said that "blah blah" wasn't coming to it. This is his brother who I know is there all day fri too. (I asked him for a lift as we all get on but he it's driving that day so he can drink and is getting a lift with someone else)

 

[lau86]

Don't feel bad Hun. IMO it's ridiculous of them to expect you to pay out all that to hve breakfast with them the next day. You've already spent a small fortune to be part of the wedding itself. If they want you there they should pay.

 

[wishuwerehere]

I would be upset if the best man didn't come the wedding breakfast as it's part of accepting the role agreeing to do a speech and help out then. But if it's breakfast the next day i don't think they can say anything - i don't think it'd be in any way rude or awkward not to go to that!

 

[supertabby]

I wonder if the couple have misunderstood what a wedding breakfast is and think it's etiquette to have everyone there for breakfast next morning?

I've been to a wedding where they booked out a function room for breakfast next morning, but that was because a large portion of the guests were staying in the hotel (the couple come from different parts of UK and now live abroad but married in England so nearly everyone had to travel). They made it a bit of a low key event but I doubt they'd have expected anyone not staying over to come back for breakfast. It's a bit much to expect that - especially if you've got to travel and arrange babysitting etc.

 

[Redfraggle]

God people will be having wedding weekends next instead of wedding days, it's rather self indulgent if you ask me, I certainly wouldn't be making an effort to go if it was difficult, they get their DAY lol.

Hen and stag nights seemed to change to whole weekends a few years ago. Guess it was only a matter of time before the wedding day itself went the same way.

 

[Kate&Lucas]

I wonder if the couple have misunderstood what a wedding breakfast is and think it's etiquette to have everyone there for breakfast next morning?

I've been to a wedding where they booked out a function room for breakfast next morning, but that was because a large portion of the guests were staying in the hotel (the couple come from different parts of UK and now live abroad but married in England so nearly everyone had to travel). They made it a bit of a low key event but I doubt they'd have expected anyone not staying over to come back for breakfast. It's a bit much to expect that - especially if you've got to travel and arrange babysitting etc.

I was thinking this

It's a lot for them to expect I think.

 

[maryp0ppins]

Best man def needs to be at the wedding breakfast! I cant imagine why your OH let it get this late to tell the groom he couldn't come to the breakfast? ?

 

[maryp0ppins]

Okay just read all replies and see that it's the next morning! I was confused.
You don't have to go to that!

 

[hayz_baby]

Okay just read all replies and see that it's the next morning! I was confused.
You don't have to go to that!

Sorry it's my fair I used the term in tr wrong context! I have added an eta to my op to explain myself a lil better and changed the title hoping to clarify.

Thanks to everyone's replies and apologies for the confusion! I think oh is speaking to him today about sat morning and explaining the additional cost for us. I have told him to make sure he is 100% clear we are on about sat morning and not Friday x

 

[nugget80]

We got married in a hotel and quite a few of our guests stayed overnight but we didn't eat together the next day and i certainly wouldn't have expected the best man to travel back for it. I think they are being unreasonable...