Nevaie
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I hope this is the right section. I honestly don't know where this belongs and this seems like the best fit. Apologies if upsets anyone, that's not my intention.
I started tracking my cycles, charting and planning to TTC baby #2 in Fall 2007. Officially started trying in Spring 2008. It was a very, very rough journey. My first two pregnancies were unplanned and I'd been actively trying to prevent when I became pregnant both times (one miscarried, the other is my son) so I thought for sure when I tried it'd happen right away. Well, I'm sure alot of you know how that story goes. I tried all the normal stuff. Then I tried alot of meds. Hormone creams. More meds. The list goes on and on. My cycles were long and I had trouble ovulating. When I did ovulate (usually with help) I had still had trouble getting pregnant. When I did get pregnant I had terrible trouble keeping them. I had 4 more losses during that time. Then finally, FINALLY I was blessed with the most beautiful little girl last June. Healthy and gorgeous and so, so smart. Everything is perfect.
Then came the moment I'd never planned for. I stopped pumping in early January and got my first period yesterday. For the first time in almost 6 1/2 years it's just a period. I don't have to temp. I don't have to prepare to take any meds, use any creams. I don't have to take any tests or time sex. No preparation or planning or anything. And I don't know why but I feel so upset. If you'd asked me 2 years ago I'd have thought I'd be glad not to have to do it all anymore. Free. But instead I just feel restless and sad. Like I'm wasting a cycle. A real, natural cycle (which I almost NEVER had) and I'm not doing anything about it. We plan to start TTC again this summer, but only because it might take so long again. I feel a little broody but I don't really want another baby just yet, I'm enjoying the one I have and making the most of it, but this just feels wrong. Maybe it's just because I got so used to it. Maybe it's just making me flash back to how it used to be. I don't know but I feel horrible and sad. I never really thought about what would happen when the journey ended. I'd have my baby and that would be it. But I find myself feeling like I should be doing something. I'll keep track of the dates for future use, of course, but since I'm not TTC I don't know what else to do to make this restless, empty, wasteful feeling go away. Has anyone else been through this? Any advice? I feel so lost....
I started tracking my cycles, charting and planning to TTC baby #2 in Fall 2007. Officially started trying in Spring 2008. It was a very, very rough journey. My first two pregnancies were unplanned and I'd been actively trying to prevent when I became pregnant both times (one miscarried, the other is my son) so I thought for sure when I tried it'd happen right away. Well, I'm sure alot of you know how that story goes. I tried all the normal stuff. Then I tried alot of meds. Hormone creams. More meds. The list goes on and on. My cycles were long and I had trouble ovulating. When I did ovulate (usually with help) I had still had trouble getting pregnant. When I did get pregnant I had terrible trouble keeping them. I had 4 more losses during that time. Then finally, FINALLY I was blessed with the most beautiful little girl last June. Healthy and gorgeous and so, so smart. Everything is perfect.
Then came the moment I'd never planned for. I stopped pumping in early January and got my first period yesterday. For the first time in almost 6 1/2 years it's just a period. I don't have to temp. I don't have to prepare to take any meds, use any creams. I don't have to take any tests or time sex. No preparation or planning or anything. And I don't know why but I feel so upset. If you'd asked me 2 years ago I'd have thought I'd be glad not to have to do it all anymore. Free. But instead I just feel restless and sad. Like I'm wasting a cycle. A real, natural cycle (which I almost NEVER had) and I'm not doing anything about it. We plan to start TTC again this summer, but only because it might take so long again. I feel a little broody but I don't really want another baby just yet, I'm enjoying the one I have and making the most of it, but this just feels wrong. Maybe it's just because I got so used to it. Maybe it's just making me flash back to how it used to be. I don't know but I feel horrible and sad. I never really thought about what would happen when the journey ended. I'd have my baby and that would be it. But I find myself feeling like I should be doing something. I'll keep track of the dates for future use, of course, but since I'm not TTC I don't know what else to do to make this restless, empty, wasteful feeling go away. Has anyone else been through this? Any advice? I feel so lost....
